Is he a cocklodger?

[Lackademic]

Rarely used NC, I'd rather this didn't follow me about.

DP and I have been together 3 and a half years. He lives an hour bus ride from me (he doesn't have a car, I do, and it's 40 mins driving) and stays at mine every weekend Fri night - Mon morning and sometimes 1 or 2 nights per week.

He eats like a horse. His portion sizes are huge. He doesn't ever cook anything unless I specifically request that he do so, otherwise he'll just wait to be fed; and I actually don't even ask him anymore because when I do he makes such gigantic portions which to be frank I cannot afford.

I shop every weekend for food. He does not contribute to the cost of this except perhaps every couple of months or so, when he might suddenly decide to pay half. He does occasionally buy a take-away.

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me... Every. Single. Time.

Until recently he was sharing a house with 5 other blokes, not much communal living space, small bedroom. I rarely went there unless I was picking him up or driving him home. Since August he's been in a lovely place with one other bloke. Three times I've told him how nice it would be if I came round and he cooked for me. I get vague agreement, no plans.

The vast majority of his clothes live in my wardrobe. I do all his washing.

I earn about £900 per month more than him (but work full-time to his 0.8). From this I pay a mortgage, car costs, wrap around care and private tutoring for my child, and vast petrol sums driving son to school / collecting / going to work; also obvs all household bills. He pays £450 p/m rent including bills. My outgoings far far far exceed his and I have far less disposable income.

I feel like he's massively taking the piss out of me. He comes to my house, gets fed, gets his clothes washed, uses my hot water, heating and electric and contributes absolutely fuck all.

Nice points: obviously we get on well or I wouldn't bother. He helps my son with maths homework which I can't (dyscalculic). He does occasionally contribute to housework / maintenance.

Am I being a complete mug?

PS he is def trying to wriggle his way back. Think slot machine in Vegas

Excellent, you got your key back. Job done.

he denied not cooking etc.
I'm mental and fucked up etc.

This is his true nature - an abusive liar and manipulator. This is what you'll have again within a week if you take him back.

Well done getting rid OP.

Far too little, far too late.

Not to mention accessing you of being 'mental and ducked up' and denying never cooking.

What an arsehole. At least you got your key back. I'd still change the locks in case he got a copy made.

Don't contact him again. Especially not to thank him. He's been taking the piss all along.

Did he take his stinky washing home? You're well rid. Enjoy the food!

Haha sorry, mistyped 'ducked up'.

Well done, Lackademic. You can do this, really you can. Remind yourself that you could have been coming home to a kind generous helpful man every day, but he chose to be a shit instead.

You'll never meet the right man if you spend your time with the wrong one.

The flowers and food are him speculating to accumulate. He thinks that'll be enough to get you into bed, where he hopes his one real talent will convince you to keep supporting him in the manner in which he wishes to remain accustomed.

Now you've sent the thank you text (why? That's what he wanted, to make you feel grateful, so he can leave it a couple of days/the week you're at your horniest and you'll accept him back on the same terms), block his number, change the locks and don't engage with him again.

He'll be fine. He'll soon move onto the next solvent woman with tales about how his ex rinsed him for cash and then dumped him callously and cruelly because he couldn't afford to take her & her kid on holiday, etc, etc.

You're worth more than an ageing gigolo who can do long division.

You're worth more than an ageing gigolo who can do long division

Honestly if the sex was genuinely good I might be prepared to continue on a strict quid-pro-quo basis, ie sex with him in return for groceries?

But I doubt that he would go along with that arrangement because in his mind you are to provide him with bed and board in return for being pleasured sexually

See you were kind of like a sugar mummy to him

He called you mental and fucked up. Then he tried to reel you back in. That's gaslighting and abuse, so he goes beyond cocklodging. You have pretty serious issues if you continue to engage wit this arsehole. NO ONE is worth this no matter how good a shag they are. You need to block him and do the Freedom Programme before you date again, because right now you are a sitting duck for dickheads.

This is who he is, a nob. FGS, you know this already.

Bloody hell you're not tempted to go back are you?

Yes, massively tempted to take him back. But I've deleted his number. He's not contacted me since the other night - he won't, now (he can do silent treatment like a pro, even though he's now admitted he was in the wrong) so at least that makes it easier. My heart hurts. And I have yet to tell DS that we're done. He didn't take a single item of clothing with him, presumably so I'd get in touch and ask him to come back and do it, or so I'd drive it over to him. So it's all in a bin bag in the (damp) garage and I guess he can go to work nekkid or swallow his pride and contact me. I'll bin it if he doesn't get in touch in the next couple of weeks.

I have read everyone else's experiences with these sort of men, where you say you've been happier in the long run. I'm holding on to that. Right now I feel very shit and single.

You are not shit and single, you are strong. Well done for deleting his number. And well done for standing up for yourself, and setting a great example for DS.

You're really vulnerable to abusive men as long as you see being single as a horrible thing. Honestly, he is not just a cocklodger but sounds manipulative and gaslighting.

Oh get rid I'm getting angry just reading about the selfish fucker
You sound lovely btw.

You're not shit and single, you are single and strong.Better that than in a shit couple!

You're really vulnerable to abusive men as long as you see being single as a horrible thing

Totally agree.

He sounds awful. Greedy with (your) food, selfish, tight, manipulative, gaslighting, and to top it off, excels in the silent treatment, which in itself is abusive.

OP, write a list of all his bad points. This is what I did and it eventually covered several pages.

When you feel yourself weakening, read through the list.

You are so well rid, he knew you were right. I expect he thinks you are going to beg and grovel...

Stay away from relationships for a good while, do the freedom programme on line. Obviously you could have a FWB but only if you don't let them cocklodge!

Clothing was left to send the message that he still considers your home to be his home.
Making an apologetic gesture and then giving you the silent treatment is sorry-not-sorry in the extreme 👿
what an arsehole, thinks he's god's gift doesn't he 🙄

He’s a first class fucker in every sense OP!

Let him fuck the fuck off and stay there!

He's shit and single OP.

You are fabulous and free.

Stay strong.

Things will get better.💐

Cocklodger 😂

Yip CF !