Is he a cocklodger?

[Lackademic]

Rarely used NC, I'd rather this didn't follow me about.

DP and I have been together 3 and a half years. He lives an hour bus ride from me (he doesn't have a car, I do, and it's 40 mins driving) and stays at mine every weekend Fri night - Mon morning and sometimes 1 or 2 nights per week.

He eats like a horse. His portion sizes are huge. He doesn't ever cook anything unless I specifically request that he do so, otherwise he'll just wait to be fed; and I actually don't even ask him anymore because when I do he makes such gigantic portions which to be frank I cannot afford.

I shop every weekend for food. He does not contribute to the cost of this except perhaps every couple of months or so, when he might suddenly decide to pay half. He does occasionally buy a take-away.

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me... Every. Single. Time.

Until recently he was sharing a house with 5 other blokes, not much communal living space, small bedroom. I rarely went there unless I was picking him up or driving him home. Since August he's been in a lovely place with one other bloke. Three times I've told him how nice it would be if I came round and he cooked for me. I get vague agreement, no plans.

The vast majority of his clothes live in my wardrobe. I do all his washing.

I earn about £900 per month more than him (but work full-time to his 0.8). From this I pay a mortgage, car costs, wrap around care and private tutoring for my child, and vast petrol sums driving son to school / collecting / going to work; also obvs all household bills. He pays £450 p/m rent including bills. My outgoings far far far exceed his and I have far less disposable income.

I feel like he's massively taking the piss out of me. He comes to my house, gets fed, gets his clothes washed, uses my hot water, heating and electric and contributes absolutely fuck all.

Nice points: obviously we get on well or I wouldn't bother. He helps my son with maths homework which I can't (dyscalculic). He does occasionally contribute to housework / maintenance.

Am I being a complete mug?

I hope you update us OP :o

well done for waking up to his selfish nature.
Dump the leech. He sounds absolutely dreadful.

You could always dust his Y-fronts with a little cayenne pepper...

I have to say some of the comments in this thread are bloody hilarious!

And I second all of them. He sounds an arse and a lazy one too. I bet he's chuffed with himself thinking what a sweet deal he's got with you. Probably thinks you were born yesterday and if you do dump him it won't be for another good couple years yet.

Meanwhile he'd probably meet someone else that has more to offer (or should I say take?)

Get rid of the man child would be my advice.

Mumsnet Cocklodgers Extermination Service - permanent eviction a specialty. . .

You're all so nice. Thank you for the encouragement. I've sent a text like a coward. I feel shockingly awful but I have some wine so when DS is abed I'll drink and listen to Tori Amos.

Great idea to dump him by text.

It's cheaper than driving to tell him in person.

He has been lodging his cock and then some

Thank Christ you woke up. Being that fanny blind was rather embarassing for you.

You're not a coward! You're very sensibly minimising his ability to kick off at you, make you feel even worse, and guilttripping you into allowing his cocklodgery to continue!

Have wine and listen to Tori Amos. Plan next week's meals with the extra money to be able to splash out on you and DS with not having to fed his mawing gob. (Marianne Faithful is a good one too. . .)

Prepare for the onslaught of niceness, followed by the bitter nastiness.

It’s probably easier to teach a decent man how to find the clitoris than to reform a cocklodger like this charming chap!

Cultivate the company of your son (I'm sure you do anyway, but he's growing up and changing all the time).
Do the Freedom Programme.
Then enjoy the company of other men.
Get your son a maths tutor, you'll be amazed at how much money you have left over once the arse is gone.

Good luck. You can do this.

OP, I spent the first half of this thread thinking: "Blimey: I hope he's truly spectacular In bed" so your answer there made me laugh robustly.

What Jux said, above.

I'm curious to know what you said in the text - only if you want to share. I hope he hasn't left a lot of stuff at your place which he has to collect, would be better for you to drive round and deliver it to him.

Well done. Onwards and upwards.

You are indeed!

Ooh, bravo!

What did you put, and did he respond? (Or did you block?)

Wow. I wouldn't want this arrangement at all.

What did he do with his 0.2 extra time off work each week? Did he do anything else to help you or assist with the household?

now the deed is done Id have a look through the freedom programme, just so you can have a heads up for the next one and kick him to the kerb at the first signs.
At least your senses kicked in, and you acted on them. Thats great.

I am sure you appreciate this but it’s also a shocking role model for your DS to observe someone treating a woman in a relationship like this.

Well done for getting rid of him.

Well done Op. onwards and upwards!

Well done! With the money you are now going to save you could treat yourself to one of these (pretty much every sex blogger/sex writer I know loves Doxy...)

Good for you. Make sure he comes to pick up his stuff and that you’ve not done his washing!

Well done for cutting him loose.

Congratulatiobs. You've got yourself a teenager.

Well done for seeing it for what it is though.

Well done op. Has he responded?