Is he a cocklodger?

[Lackademic]

Rarely used NC, I'd rather this didn't follow me about.

DP and I have been together 3 and a half years. He lives an hour bus ride from me (he doesn't have a car, I do, and it's 40 mins driving) and stays at mine every weekend Fri night - Mon morning and sometimes 1 or 2 nights per week.

He eats like a horse. His portion sizes are huge. He doesn't ever cook anything unless I specifically request that he do so, otherwise he'll just wait to be fed; and I actually don't even ask him anymore because when I do he makes such gigantic portions which to be frank I cannot afford.

I shop every weekend for food. He does not contribute to the cost of this except perhaps every couple of months or so, when he might suddenly decide to pay half. He does occasionally buy a take-away.

He bitches about the cost of bus fare to come and see me... Every. Single. Time.

Until recently he was sharing a house with 5 other blokes, not much communal living space, small bedroom. I rarely went there unless I was picking him up or driving him home. Since August he's been in a lovely place with one other bloke. Three times I've told him how nice it would be if I came round and he cooked for me. I get vague agreement, no plans.

The vast majority of his clothes live in my wardrobe. I do all his washing.

I earn about £900 per month more than him (but work full-time to his 0.8). From this I pay a mortgage, car costs, wrap around care and private tutoring for my child, and vast petrol sums driving son to school / collecting / going to work; also obvs all household bills. He pays £450 p/m rent including bills. My outgoings far far far exceed his and I have far less disposable income.

I feel like he's massively taking the piss out of me. He comes to my house, gets fed, gets his clothes washed, uses my hot water, heating and electric and contributes absolutely fuck all.

Nice points: obviously we get on well or I wouldn't bother. He helps my son with maths homework which I can't (dyscalculic). He does occasionally contribute to housework / maintenance.

Am I being a complete mug?

Yes you are a mug.
yes he is cocklodger.

You know what to do.
You'll be fine.

Even if the sex is good it's not worth the impact on your purse, your self esteem and your stress levels. Re dumping him, don't explain, don't justify, don't discuss it. He'll kick off at losing his free ride no matter what you say.

You'd be a whole lot better off ending this thing properly instead of having him move out, then letting him stealth-move back in. He's not very nice.

Just tell him it's over and good luck for the future
Then change your locks (if he lived there before he may still have keys)
Drop all of his stuff at his (or leave by door)
And block him - and keep to it
He is draining you dry so you can't see him at all or you will be a drudge for life
Get away while you can and thank your lucky stars

No discussion.

Send him a text. This isn't working for me. It's over.

Tell him you'll drop your stuff off at his place at x time on x date, and you'll have a friend with you (preferably a big burly one), so you won't be stopping for any longer than it takes to drop his stuff off. Or do that first and then send a text.

Then block him. Tell him no further discussions or negotiations will be entered into, and if he does try, you'll be contacting the police.

He sounds horrible. And yes, you do sound like a lonely single mum with low standards for company. Dump him. Go with @GenuineKlatchianPottery suggested. 😂 I bet your ds will be much better company just the two of you.

I don't know what I'll do. I'll have to talk to him about it. He'll be horrible. He's confrontational, hates any criticism. Which tells me a lot as well I suppose.

W.T.A.F? You don't know what you'll do? You ^have to talk to him about it. He's a weapons grade cunt and your standards are so low Frodo Baggins would need a fucking magnifying glass to spot it. Buy a vibrator. Get rid of this twat. What kind of example are you setting for your kids to put up with a git like this? He doesn't even live near you, you're paying money to be treated like shit.

'I'm finishing things with you. I'm being taken advantage of and sick of it.' and you drop his shit off in a box and block him.

You are daft for doing his laundry. As for the food bill just ask for a contribution or just tell him to get a shop in. To be fair you can't really ask for a contribution to electric, gas etc... as you would probably have the heating on or watching the telly anyway for example and it would be a bit tight to charge him for taking a couple of showers or whatever.

Just dump him. No need to talk it through or come to a solution, don't give him the chance to be horrible. You can drive - drop off all his stuff, phone him and say sorry the relationship isn't working out and then block if you have to.

• you dont want to live with him, he annoyed you when you lived together
• you dont like the current arrangement
• he is confrontational and horrible, in your own words

Thank you, you're making me laugh (in a sad, I'm-a-twat sort of a way). To the person who asked what I learned of relationships growing up. Oh that's a minefield (but isn't it for everyone?) but the short version is my mother left me for a man who lived on the other side of the country. I think I'm all shades of fucked up. I found courage to get rid of the husband then bounced straight into an identical relationship. So. Lots to think about. I did laugh at this: What did you expect everyone to say? 'YABU, he sounds amazing?!' Ha there was a bit of me that thought perhaps I was being rather unfair. AAARGH. I have to go and collect my DS from his holiday club and plan my dumping strategy. I feel wobbly at that. Why am I wobbly? He's a cock. Wobbly I am though.

You are daft for doing his laundry. As for the food bill just ask for a contribution or just tell him to get a shop in. To be fair you can't really ask for a contribution to electric, gas etc... as you would probably have the heating on or watching the telly anyway for example and it would be a bit tight to charge him for taking a couple of showers or whatever.

I think he'd be objectionable if I asked for a contribution towards food and he's awful when he's moody. I agree about the other bills - it's just within the context of all the other stuff I am increasingly resentful that he gets to essentially live in this house and enjoy everything I pay for without ever sticking his hand in his pocket.

Don't worry about feeling wobbly OP, completely natural response. You've got to do the right thing by yourself and your so because noone else will! And you know what that is. I bet you'll feel amazing after actually doing it!!

You are feeling wobbly as you are not a cock. You can laugh at yourself and you realise your mistake, you will be fine just deep breaths!
GenuineK that was funny

Why are you doing all these things for him? You’ve allowed yourself to be treated this way by being a doormat and he’s taken full advantage!

Don't feel bad, OP, things can creep up on you. But dump, get rid, now, tonight. I wouldn't have a conversation with him, just get him gone. He's a raging arsehole and frankly, if great sex is the only thing he offers, a male escort would be cheaper and a lot more fun!

Good job he lives an hour away then! You can do this. Why can’t you just pack up his stuff. Drive over there and hand over a big box or a couple of bin bags bin bag to his flat mate.

Then text him and say you’ve had enough & that you won’t be changing your mind as it is definitely not working for you. If he bugs you after that then block him. If he comes round to your house, tell him to go away. And if he does it again, phone the police.

Job done. Good luck OP!

Good luck.

You go to him, you take his stuff with you, let him know it’s over and here is his stuff so no need for him to come to yours, change locks if he has a key. No chance then of him finding an excuse to come back.

Just say, "It's not working anymore. I've bag up your stuff and left it in the garden/garage/porch. Please collect ASAP."

Look, you have to just stop. Seriously. Box and bag his shit up, leave it with a flatmate, send him a text and block him. STOP dating until you do the Freedom Programme and working on your self-esteem because this isn't good for you or setting a good example for your kids. Not at all. He's a twat. Don't bother with asking for contributions or talking because you know he doesn't want to know, he doesn't give a fuck and doesn't want to pay for anything. You're paying to have him in your life. Think about that. Time and money that could be spent on yourself and your kids.

Don't be too hard on yourself OP...you've just had an epiphany!

Good Luck with it all. The future is calling you!

Would you like him if you met for dates - meals, cinema etc.?

Sounds like you have already made up your mind.
You've had enough of him or things will drag on for ages and drag you down.

Yup I also think it's easy to break up with him. He's so fucking tight he won't want to pay for bus journeys to plead.

Pack up his stuff in some bin bags, drive it over to his. Don't need to say anything really.