Husband says we’re over

[At17]

My DH has told me that he no longer wants to be married to me. We have been together for over twenty years and have two teenage children.

I’m in shock, I think. A few weeks ago we were making plans but now he says he hasn’t been happy for years. I honestly thought we were. Not perfect, married life isn’t always fun and games but we were a good team.

He wants us to stay living together for a while until he figures out what he wants to do. I find the thought intolerable, to be honest. At the same time though, the thought of telling the children and him moving out feels intolerable too.

This has come as a surprise to me and I think I just need advice from people who have been through it and reassurance that the children will be ok in the end. I feel like I’m failing them so badly.

You don’t have to face him if you don’t feel up to it yet. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe x

Speak to him when you feel ready. He’s not the boss of you.

Well done OP. Proud of you! As hard as it may seem, this will be the making of you!

Full thread read in one go, you are amazing At17 keep going!

Your doing so well OP, you really are Keep trying to focus on the practical stuff and know that gaslighting is a key tactic in trying to get you to behave

Horrible post at 1749

He’s not here, but just had an email notification from booking.com that apparently a hotel has been booked through our account for tonight. Wow.

How does the payment work on the bookings account? If it goes to your bank card or credit card, call to cancel the booking. If it's his credit card, not much to be done

Funny how taking half the money got ALL of his attention.
Things not going quite to plan for our hero, you were supposed to be happy & supportive for his new life OP, not insisting on your rights & protecting your children’s future.

It’s on our joint credit card. I don’t think I have the energy to cancel it really. I’d rather he was there than here, it’s just he said he was going to his parents. I wonder if his special friend is there too? I am trying not to think about that but I just can’t help myself.

That credit card needs cancelling.

It does. I hadn’t quite appreciated how much admin is involved in unravelling our lives :(

Makes sense to leave it be. Best not to think about what could be going on.

Perhaps buy something nice for yourself on the same credit card this evening? A massage or spa booking could be nice to look forward to

Just report the card as missing & get it cancelled. It’s just one quick call & then switch your phone off.

You have to pay up front on bookings.com. So the OPs STBX has already paid.

If you click on the link in the email you will be able to see where it is, OP.

Screenshot and add to your list of evidence. Don’t tell him you know and you will probably get more info.

I hope you are searching your house for any information on marital assets. Cars, bank accounts, Pension , savings, life insurance, mortgage ,jewellery, tax returns or pay slips, info on work bonuses. Copy or photograph everything.

Your biggest assets are probably your house and your pensions. Don’t fuss about things like furniture ( unless you are collectors of valuables antiques! ) .

Keep paper copies outside the house, and digital copies on the cloud or email to a trusted friend.

Type up a document for your lawyers visit this week. Include all the facts. Your names , DOB , date of marriage, names and DOB of children, addresses, Assets , work , salary, date when you separated.

This will save time at the meeting.

Definitely cancel the card

I would withdraw the amount of the hotel booking from the joint account.

Oh goodness! The card MUST have been stolen - your H, who is by all accounts a very honest person who hasn't at all slept with his powerfully deep new friend because he said so, SWORE to you that he would be at his parents' tonight!

So he can't possibly be the one who booked the hotel. Goodness OP, I would cancel the card now, I really would. And then call the hotel and explain that the room was booked with a stolen card!

:)

He's deliberately trying to spite you because you took half the money out the joint account. Pathetic little weasel.

Use your anger to get together Kristina's excellent list. Take photos of everything and save to the cloud. How are you getting on with your solicitor appointment?

I would freeze every single joint credit card. He's showing you who he is.

You don't need to do all the JAMES bond stuff op. The law is not moralistic, it doesn't say hey you cheated so fuck you you get less in the divorce . There is simply no moral judgement in divorce,

Yes he's likely there with his new partner. It doesn't matter, a court of law won't care, rhe only time it would matter Is if you wished to seek divorce due to adulatory rather than wait the two years and he disputed the adulatory.

If you're not going there, then just ignore it and hold your head up high.

Some people on here think they are Jane bond, and recommend going to wild extremes, that simply are not necessary.

The marriage is over, and settlement will not take into account moralistic judgements. So keep your head up and try not to think about it.

I do like the sentiment cancelling the card but the hotel room is booked for tonight so he will already have checked in.

I’d keep quiet about it so he doesn’t know that you know OP. You might get more information from that source.

This honestly feels unreal. Where has my husband gone? Even ten days ago, he was being affectionate and silly. If it wasn’t for my children, I truly think I would be falling to pieces right now.

I’m going to have a tiny cry, get some sleep and then work on the document finding tomorrow.

Thank you all again. This thread has been invaluable for my stability.

Hugs OP. Take care you're being immensely strong.

No, the OP doesn't need to be James Bond. But it's useful if she has an idea of the marital assets when she meets her solicitor. Much more efficient use of her solicitor's time and the OP's money.

Right now, he is split from the op. He can stay where he wishes and shag who he wishes, end of. As said, the law is not moralistic.

And cancelling the card also means the op can't use it. Is everyone sure that she has enough finances behind her she doesn't need it? Because if she does, then cancelling it plays right into his hands. He will simply get another one and she wont have access to it.

Before recommending something to someone, people really need to think through thr repurcussions.

In this instance cancelling The card will simply mean he pays any outstanding balance with his debit card, and gets a new credit card and the op isn't on it. No judge in the land gives a fuck why the marriage ended.

Whoop. Big result for the op, right?