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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband says we’re over

999 replies

At17 · 20/10/2019 14:06

My DH has told me that he no longer wants to be married to me. We have been together for over twenty years and have two teenage children.

I’m in shock, I think. A few weeks ago we were making plans but now he says he hasn’t been happy for years. I honestly thought we were. Not perfect, married life isn’t always fun and games but we were a good team.

He wants us to stay living together for a while until he figures out what he wants to do. I find the thought intolerable, to be honest. At the same time though, the thought of telling the children and him moving out feels intolerable too.

This has come as a surprise to me and I think I just need advice from people who have been through it and reassurance that the children will be ok in the end. I feel like I’m failing them so badly.

OP posts:
justilou1 · 26/10/2019 15:37

Looks like HE had plans for YOUR (joint) money....
Very smart move! High five!!! You need enough to pay the SHL to get half his pension now!!!

WhenPushComesToShove · 26/10/2019 15:45

Very proud of you OP re money aka ensuring your future for you and your kids. Have a chuckle about how much fun he's having now and poor OW seeing him like this for the first time and thinking (maybe) WTF have I got myself in to moo haha!!!!!!

Saharafordessert · 26/10/2019 15:50

You absolutely did the right thing moving the money.....he’s just pissed you got there before him.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 26/10/2019 15:58

😂 at him panicking. I’m sorry it’s stressful
For you, OP but take solace in him shitting his pants now.

0lga · 26/10/2019 16:01

I wonder how cross he will be when he finds out that his pension is half the OPs too.

mummmy2017 · 26/10/2019 16:10

Wondering which adventure he planned to use the cash for.
He sent messages before, so will the next one be you stole family money?

Mix56 · 26/10/2019 16:18

MrsT is correct, remember he had intended to live at home & move out when he was good & ready, you were supposed to agree it was best for him & kiss him goodbye with a genial smile. say to everyone it was a mutual split, (other than the money) he was supposed to suddenly meet OW & bond....
but now he finds himself living in his boyhood bedroom, you aren't answering his calls & his savings have diminished by 50%.
oh dear

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/10/2019 16:43

61 missed calls? Sounds like he's spitting feathers. Good. Grin

You're not playing the role he'd laid out for you. He hasn't yet realised that he isn't your focus any longer. What a tosser.

OVienna · 26/10/2019 16:44

@FizzyGreenWater that message is the absolute best. Please send it OP.

hazandduck · 26/10/2019 16:48

He’s panicking and didn’t expect you to take control of the situation. You have us all rooting for you. Hope you have real life support too. Keep ignoring! It’s clearly driving him nuts that you have the upper hand x

longtimelurkerhelen · 26/10/2019 16:52

but now he finds himself living in his boyhood bedroom, you aren't answering his calls & his savings have diminished by 50%. oh dear GrinGrinGrinGrin

It certainly has not gone to his plan.

Bravo Op Bravo

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/10/2019 16:53

As for that "getting our stories straight" message... He seriously expected you to help him frame his desertion of you and his children in a favourable light. That's almost delusional. Sounds as if your husband has justified his betrayal of you all to himself (and probably the OW) so hard and for so long that he's started to believe his own lies.

pictish · 26/10/2019 17:04

61 missed calls. Gosh.

WizardOfAus · 26/10/2019 17:12

Go OP! Loving your work. You’re on 🔥

CallmeAngelina · 26/10/2019 17:14

Getting your stories straight?! That would almost be amusing if it wasn't for the fact that this twat has shattered your world and that of your dc. And he wants you to collude in his re-writing of history by telling everyone that he's only done it to help you because you will be able to thrive now. What a prince.

PrussianBlueVelvet · 26/10/2019 17:14

At17, sorry to bring this up, but have been following your story and when I read your latest message became concerned that he might become violent? I hope this is not at all the case. Make sure the door cannot be unlocked by someone other than your kids and you. Keep yourself safe.

Drabarni · 26/10/2019 17:26

I would send one last message saying 'Story straight" you have left me for adventure presumably with ow, you feel i have done xyz and are responsible for xyz. You seem to be rewriting history, here see the script lol.
Any further contact via my solicitor, you can contact the kids directly, as your relationship with them is not my problem.

lavenderlove · 26/10/2019 17:35

Gosh I don't even know you but I have just read the thread and I am SO proud of you! You may not feel like it now but you are being so strong and setting the best example to your children. I hope you become so much happier and look back on this crappy situation as the best thing that happened to you!

Davespecifico · 26/10/2019 17:39

Despite the fact that he is clearly in the wrong here, get ready for his family to re-write history and paint him as the wronged one. People will ignore anything if it fits with their preferred narrative.

Original poster
At17 · 26/10/2019 17:46

He has never been a violent man, bad tempered and angry at times, yes. I imagine the 61 calls were him just pressing redial over and over because they were in a short space of time and there’s been nothing since. Not even a text message. I have to go home soon and if he’s there, I’m thinking i’ll just get the children back in the car and drive to my dad’s.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 26/10/2019 17:49

Just face him, or you will always run away.

Original poster
At17 · 26/10/2019 17:52

I promise I’ll face him when I’m ready and without our children being there. Right now, keeping the children okay is all I care about.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 26/10/2019 17:54

Ok, wishing you luck.
You are a great mum.

WizardOfAus · 26/10/2019 17:58

Good luck OP

Mix56 · 26/10/2019 18:16

Excellent ! Just drive on by if his car is there.