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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

387 replies

WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:00

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 19/10/2019 11:03

I’ve only read your first post

Police - now

RolytheRhino · 19/10/2019 11:04

Call the police. Call the police. And once more, for emphasis, calll the police!

You need it logged now while there's evidence because otherwise you'll have no proof and you might need that proof if he's an arsehole over contact with the kids etc after you leave him. Which again, you absolutely must do.

And I don't say that lightly- I very rarely advise leaving a marriage, but this is not OK, is not safe for your kids or yourself. Most women killed by their domestic partner didn't seriously believe it would happen. Until it did.

HeavenlyEyes · 19/10/2019 11:04

Legal Aid may be available to you in cases of DV - so reporting for that alone is invaluable.

SprinkleDash · 19/10/2019 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nottodaysatanlucifer · 19/10/2019 11:06

Fuck sake the kids saw this... call the police

MitziK · 19/10/2019 11:07

Fuck's sake. You're just lucky he 'only' nearly chopped your hand off.

You know somebody who explodes into violence like this is likely to be the one who 'snaps' according to his defence barrister when on trial for beating his wife to death on a Saturday morning, aren't you?

You need the Police to keep him out. Forever.

nottodaysatanlucifer · 19/10/2019 11:08

Dont call the police you will have Social Services involved !

Sounds like they need it! I hate social at the best of times, but when things like this happen in front of children and the person refuses to call the police (I'm assuming to protect their partner) I make social right!!!!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 19/10/2019 11:08

I had this is my first marriage over 20 years ago...I called the police and then had Social Services on my back for ages...my parents died young and close together so they saw us as a family in need...I found their 'help' intrusive and stressful and vowed never to put myself on their radar again....I left my first husband and made a new life for my kids...Op can do this also without having Social Services involved.

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 19/10/2019 11:09

My love you really need to report this to the police.

How old are your other children? They must have been terrified. Witnessing that would have been a very traumatising event for them and you do really need to make sure they’re protected from him.

If you’re not ready to call the police yet can you at least call women’s aid and talk to them?

Nanny0gg · 19/10/2019 11:10

Why were you repeatedly hitting him?

To get him away from the baby!

He was abusing the OP whilst holding the baby who he wouldn't give up!

Did you read the OP's post?

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 11:10

I can’t believe you’re all swearing at a woman who has just been on the receiving end of physical and verbal DV.

Beautiful3 · 19/10/2019 11:11

Call the police.

Marthadumptruck · 19/10/2019 11:12

@myusernamewastakenbyme well said

TheyDoItOnPurposeLynne · 19/10/2019 11:13

Please please call the police.
If you don't he'll try and convince you this never happened and a year down the line things will be so much worse.
He's capable of physically hurting you and being unrepentant about it.
I know it seems like you're adding more stress to your already stressful life but you must protect yourself, your baby and your life.
This isnt to punish him, it's to protect yourself and your baby.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/10/2019 11:13

OP, take it from me. whether you have been with him 1 week , or 21 years, it is not acceptable, Ever.

You hit him on the back with a remote but so what ? He sounds a large man and it probably didn't even get felt by him . It is also wicked to keep a Mum from their baby like he did.

If no police then fair enough, that is your decision .
Can you get somebody to come over and sit with you for a bit ?

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/10/2019 11:15

If the reason No Police is it shame ?

Its not YOU who should be ashamed . (If that is the case)

messolini9 · 19/10/2019 11:16

He was in the wrong of course but I think you escalated it too OP. Why were you repeatedly hitting him?

Read the first post, @SprinkleDash

Would YOU calmly allow an angry, abusive man to behave like this while holding YOUR baby?

TowelNumber42 · 19/10/2019 11:16

Keep him locked out. Are you still going to buy a new house with him?

Nousernameforme · 19/10/2019 11:17

This is bad enough without people over exaggerating ffs

Fwiw do you think you will be able to stop him returning if he decides he wants to? I do think you should report this assault be honest about what you did as well so he can't use it against you.

You need to keep yourselves safe. If you don't want to phone the police is there a relative you can all stay with until you sort out a new place away from him.

Interestedwoman · 19/10/2019 11:20

Please call the police.

'Why were you repeatedly hitting him?'

She was trying to get him to get away from the baby.

RhinoskinhaveI · 19/10/2019 11:21

This is an assault and it should be reported and logged just the same as it would be if a random member of the public assaulted you.

OkayGo · 19/10/2019 11:24

Fucking hell op ring the bloody police !

Helmlover1 · 19/10/2019 11:26

This is assault. Please call the police for the sake of you and your kids, otherwise your husband will think this is acceptable behaviour and will do it again. As a child who witnessed domestic violence, I can tell you your kids will have been terrified and probably wont ever feel safe with him again. He doesn’t sound like a very nice person and it’s worth thinking whether you and your family would be better off without him.

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 11:27

How many children do you have OP?

SprinkleDash · 19/10/2019 11:29

Why were you repeatedly hitting him?

She was trying to get him to get away from the baby

He wasn’t doing anything to the baby. Hitting someone who is already angry is a sure fire way to escalate the situation and further scar any and all children for life. If a man was hitting his wife to get hold of the baby you’d all have crucified him!!

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