Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

387 replies

WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:00

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:33

The kids are with me, DH is locked out.

OP posts:
Yeahnahyeah1 · 19/10/2019 10:34

I thought that too about my wrist, but it turns out I’d fractured some obscure little bone in my wrist and now I need surgery on it, following 2 years of niggly issues with it. Just have it checked, please.

You were protecting yourself and your baby, that’s not comparable.

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/10/2019 10:36

It’s not ok for him to do this, he needs charging with assault.

Aridane · 19/10/2019 10:37

Have something sweet and sit down to catch your breath

999 - then a cup of tea & biscuit & sit down

HeavenlyEyes · 19/10/2019 10:42

police and then Women's Aid - you have to do this. You were defending your baby from him when you hit him I am sure.

TottieandMarchpane · 19/10/2019 10:43

There’s no point trying to bounce OP into a course of action.

She should report it, of course. But she’s in shock and she’s not keen on the idea ATM.

HollowTalk · 19/10/2019 10:44

The thing is that if you don't report this to the police then you are telling him it's not important enough to bother the police with. That means next time you're having an argument, he'll feel free to go at least that far.

I was horrified that you have to plan for him to stay in a hotel (so, nice, comfortable, quiet) while the rest of you have to stay in a grotty flat. He's not suggesting YOU go to a hotel, is he? God no, he makes a nuisance of himself to such an extent that his own wife is prepared to pay for him to leave them alone.

This might be the first time he's physically hurt you but I bet he's had you walking on eggshells for years.

Fretfulparent · 19/10/2019 10:45

Ring a friend or relative and talk to someone in real life.

Marthadumptruck · 19/10/2019 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HappyHammy · 19/10/2019 10:46

He will be back and then what. Another shit Sunday with everyone on edge because of his moods. Call.the police. It may be the first time he has physically.attacked you but hes been verbally.abusive every weekend. Havent you and your.kids.had enough of him and.deserve better in life

NotStayingIn · 19/10/2019 10:46

Don't worry that you hit your H with a remote control, that was in self-defence. What he did to you wasn't.

But its so vital you call the police and record your version of events. He might well twist things in the future and make it sound like you are unhinged, attacking him with a remote unprovoked. Don't call 999 as mentioned earlier but 101, given that you aren't in danger right now.
But do report it. Good luck OP. Flowers

www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/daa/domestic-abuse/how-to-report-domestic-abuse/

meow1989 · 19/10/2019 10:48

He has physically assaulted you, emotionally abused you (mocking and lieing) and made you fear for the safety of your child.

Yes you retaliated but you did so because you were worried about the welfare of your baby.

Hes gone now but what about when he comes back? He might be sweetness and light but abusers dont do it once.

I understand how hard it is for you but please at least call womens aide and the police if you can, do you have family who can have the kids for a bit whilst you gather your thoughts? Does he have a key? Do you have important documents in case you need to make a quick exit? The police can support with exit strategies.

How are your children now? You must all be very shaken.

To the pp who posted the ridiculous advise about not calling the police because of social services, you're being unhelpful and dangerous. Social services might be informed sure, and they will see a mother who is acting to protect her children and seeking support for a situation that is not her fault.

AnnaMagnani · 19/10/2019 10:50

Thing is, it is escalating already.

It started with him being grumpy on Sunday mornings.

Then it escalated into Saturdays too.

Now it's escalated into him slamming your wrist in the door.

And this despite you and the children all making efforts to placate him 'walk on eggshells' so it doesn't escalate.

So, yes it will escalate because the abuse is escalating already and it is already affecting your children.

Please contact the police and Women's Aid.

Gazelda · 19/10/2019 10:50

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened.
But you need to tell someone who's judgment you trust. My instinct is to call the police, but I understand why that is a scary thought.
If you call the police, you will set the wheels in motion for a more stable future for you and your DC.
If you don't call the police, you are giving your husband the message that his violence is forgivable.

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:51

He won't be back.

At the very very least I refuse to live in this flat with him. He can collect his stuff when we aren't here.

OP posts:
Itallt0omuch · 19/10/2019 10:53

I would also urge you to call the police. To protect your children in the future.

madcatladyforever · 19/10/2019 10:54

Dont call the police you will have Social Services involved !

Dont be so bloody stupid. What kind of idiot are you dishing out advice like this. Social services are only interested if you are allowing the kids to be abused or to witness abuse over a long period. Social services were invlolved in my divorce briefly and were extremely helpful. They are not there to punish abused women.

Windygate · 19/10/2019 10:55

Call the police now and report this incident. Defending yourself and the children is reasonable. You will bitterly regret not reporting when your trying to get supervised access for your children, when the neighbours phone the police or social services or when one of the children tell a trusted adult and a safeguarding report is made. You also need to get that wrist checked out, you need an evidence trail.

This abuse will escalate, it already has.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 19/10/2019 10:55

There's no excuse! We lived in a mobile home in the middle of nowhere for a year when we were kids while my parents built our house. They never behaved like this. Don't teach your children that this is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. Call the police and leave him

ukgift2016 · 19/10/2019 10:57

OP this must seem so surreal to you.

A man you been with for 20 years who has never been physically violence before lashing out at you.

The problem is, like other posters have said this has been a slow escalation of abuse and he has now crossed the boundary to physical.

Once you crossed that line, it is hard to go back. He knows now he can physically hurt you.

He will try and get back in the flat. You need to phone the police if he shows signs of aggression again. This sounds like a very volatile situation you and your kids are in.

He is taking his stress out on you and the children.

You need to think about your children. Their welfare comes first.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 19/10/2019 10:58

OP, thinking that it won't escalate after 21 years is understandable but what you need to realise is that this is it escalating!

I hope you and the kids are ok and he won't be back but for your safety please report it.

IfNot · 19/10/2019 10:58

Jesus. If a man was using my baby to torment me I'd rip off his fucking head never mind tap him with the remote control, so I wouldn't worry about that right now.

What your husband will do now OP is he will come home, minimise the violence and make it all your fault. Then he will act as if everything is normal.
If you dont get the pilice involved, in few weeks or maybe months, he will hurt you again. I'm sorry, but he will. The thing is he might also hurt your children.

Please tell the police. I know it's scary and you don't want it to be real, but this situation is now too broken to fix.

RubbingHimSourly · 19/10/2019 10:58

He's laying his cards on the table........his sulky Sundays have been his way of priming you for future abuse.

Don't fall for it. You need to contact the police. You'll get support through woman's aid to leave the fucker properly and show your kids this isn't ok.

Thescrewinthetuna · 19/10/2019 10:59

Please call the police

JaneyJimplin · 19/10/2019 11:03

How are the kids? They must be in shock too.

I think you need some official record of this to protect yourself in the event he escalates or this becomes a divorce situation. Email pictures to a friend at the least, or see you gp on monday to check the wrist and have record of what hes done.

Swipe left for the next trending thread