My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

[WhatTheChuffJustHappened]

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

think about the police, will this means he will lose his job? be unable to work?
after 21 years of your relationship

Does it matter? Are you seriously suggesting that OP leave herself in an unsafe situation without the support the police would offer her in case her abuser is inconvenienced by her speaking out? Are you for real?

21 years or 21 minutes, doesn't make a difference. @EleanorReally who cares?? Tough shit.

you have to get over the fact that you are scared to report because you defended yourself. You are the victim here - he abused you and to protect yours and your DC's future you have got to report this. If you don't then you are potentially leaving yourself v vulnerable.

think about the police, will this means he will lose his job? be unable to work?
after 21 years of your relationship

An already emotionally abusive and now physically abusive relationship.

If there are consequences for his behaviour, I don’t really feel massive sympathy for him.

put your knitting needles away

I really feel for you OP.
This is a really tough situation and I can completely understand why you would not want to get the police involved for fear of social services but you haven't done anything wrong and he has committed a crime and emotionally damaged his children who witnessed his crime. It sounds to me that the reason you hit him is out of fear of what he might do holding the baby in his unhinged state. Total natural motherly protection behaviour. Please do not blame this on yourself.

this is the first event.

So you'd suggest OP remains there and wait to see if he attacks her again? The first event should always be the last event. Give your head a wobble, Eleanor.

think about the police, will this means he will lose his job? be unable to work?
after 21 years of your relationship

Who are these cretins. Get off mumsnet you complete idiot.

@Ated is that supposed to be helpful?

Eleanor are you saying that when people commit crimes we shouldn't punish them because it wouldn't be fair on them?
This man has assaulted someone but you're saying there shouldn't be any consequences because it wouldn't be fair on him?

@WhatTheChuffJustHappened sorry I didn’t mean to tag you! I’m in another thread .
He has been abusing you for 21 years though. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical.

It's pretty clear that "Eleanor" and the other one - probably the same person is a man. Either that or a troll or a families need fathers type.

Eleanor

His behaviour has been deteriorating for some time. Once it deteriorates to the point of violence then the usual pattern is for the violence to escalate because the taboo has been broken.

oh i hadnt realised chaz

I agree. I feel horrific about it.

No he doesn't drink. He doesn't touch alcohol.

Do NOT feel guilty for one second Chuff, this is one reason why women don't leave abuive men until they are murdered because they feel guilt.
No actual mother in the world would blame you, you were preventing from getting your baby by a very angry and violent man.
I would have done the same, any of us would. He is twice the size of you, he's got your baby and he's angry.
I'd have killed him if he got between me and my baby.
Try getting between a lion and her cub and see what happens.

Eleanor clearly thinks that the most important thing is always the man's reputation, it doesn't matter what he does we must always think about the consequences for him and how it will affect his reputation and his ability to earn money and get on in life.

Op.. please. Please call the police.

Police, medical attention, women’s aid, divorce lawyer.

Do not buy a house together.

sorry you’re having to deal with this.

OPs husband put himself between a mother and her baby. After he assaulted her. While he was holding her baby. This was a deliberate move by all accounts. I honestly don’t know of any mother that wouldn’t tear her way through hell to get to her baby to protect them in this situation and woe betide anyone standing in her way.

OP you have nothing to be ashamed of, you acted on instinct in a horrible situation that you were put in. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Please call the police. Don’t let there be a next time. You don’t want to be looking back at this ‘first time’ wishing that you’d done something then when something much worse has happened the ‘next time’

EleanorReally stop victim blaming! Stop making the OP seem in a my way responsible for this thug’s violence towards her! Stop excusing abuse simply because they’re in a relationship!

EleanorReally I’m seriously concerned for you, if you make excuses for a violent partner/husband. I think you may need to seek help for your own issues and stop passing them on to OP, so that you can excuse what’s happening in your own life.

OP

You are a vulnerable position if you are on a joint tenancy. He could come back later and decide he isn’t going to leave and you can’t make nor can you lock him out. You really need some expert advice.