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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

387 replies

WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:00

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 19/10/2019 10:14

And sorry, if you don't report it today he will have unlimited access to and 50/50 custody of your kids completely unsupervised - thus putting them in danger. Imagine how angry he will be with them in a stressful divorce situation, you need to protect your kids.
I've been in this situation and wish to God I had gone to the police earlier. I put my son in terrible danger by not doing so and it was a while before I discovered my ex was beating him on every access visit to punish me.

YouJustDoYou · 19/10/2019 10:15

Op, once they've done it once, and especially as there is zero remorse, there's no going back. The likelihood of him doing this again is extremely high. He now knows he can do it, with zero repercussions. Your children will see that you put up with his behaviour. He's treating you like shit - why is that ok?

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 19/10/2019 10:15

Call the police so they at least have a record of it. You really need to.

If not for you then for your kids. You can't allow them to grow up in a household with violence like that, or with a father that pulls a Jekyll and Hyde every week. He's not going to look out for them, so it's up to you.

Plenty of us have been in shitty, horrible situations and managed not to speak to people like shit, gaslight them, and slam their wrists in doors. It isn't an excuse.

It's already escalating. He's gone from speaking to you like shit, to gaslighting you (lying about you hitting him) to physically harming you. You really trust that he's just going to stop there?

Stay safe Op.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 19/10/2019 10:15

Will it escalate though? First time in 21 years?

I know you must be in shock. But please let it sink in - you are a victim of domestic abuse now. He is a domestic abuser. Have you any idea how many abusers stop after just the one incident? .... they don't. This WILL continue and escalate.

TokyoSushi · 19/10/2019 10:16

Oh OP, please don't minimise it, now this has happened once its very likely it'll happen again. If you really don't feel that you can report it, at least photograph and take notes with the date etc in case you change your mind.

I'd absolutely be taking steps to leave this man. We once had to live in a bedroom in a budget hotel with 2x DC for a month during a house move, we all hated it but DH did not start slamming my wrist in a door.

FlowersFlowersFlowers and strength for you.

TokyoSushi · 19/10/2019 10:17

They were supposed to be flowers! 💐

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 10:17

This needs reporting and you need your injuries properly looked at. Flowers

Biancadelrioisback · 19/10/2019 10:18

I'm so sorry this happened to you. What an absolute arsehole he is!
You need space right now and on your terms (so not when he decides when to come home).
And you do need to report it to the police. Otherwise your kids, who witnessed this, will know that people can get away with this behaviour and nothing will happen. Show them that actions have consequences and that this is never acceptable.
Also, do it for yourself. You shouldn't have to live like this.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 19/10/2019 10:19

We had to live with my parents for three months during a house move. It was flipping awful and we were stressed out of our heads. DH's behaviour wasn't ideal at times but there was never once even the idea of violence.

Honestly, I'd call the police and end the relationship. Who knows what stunts he'll pull if he thinks he can get away with it? Do you want to spend the rest of your life tiptoeing around him in fear? Do you want your kids to think it's okay to treat people like that, or worse, to be treated like that?

ShitOnIt78 · 19/10/2019 10:22

Report this, for the children's sake if not your own! pp are right, when you separate he will have them by himself without you there to try and mitigate his behaviour and foul temper Sad

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 19/10/2019 10:22

Look. Look at all the sensitive structures in the wrist. Wrists are complicated. God knows what he's managed to damage- my guess is blood vessels, tendons, bones (yes really) and joints. Go and get it looked at today please.

My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly
Topseyt · 19/10/2019 10:22

Report this to the police. Get your wrist properly looked at and if necessary x-rayed.

Don't let him back in.

ClaudiaSchiffersUglySister · 19/10/2019 10:22

Call the police, for the sake of your children if you don’t think your mashed arm is reason enough, please.

What a nasty man.

Marthadumptruck · 19/10/2019 10:24

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73Sunglasslover · 19/10/2019 10:24

I am no expert on these matters but do you need to report it to the police so this is recognised as an issue when decisions are made about contact with his children? If he has angry outbursts like this I am worried about him being in charge of the children. I am also worried about the trauma your children will have suffered by watching this (as well as worried about your of course, what a hideously abusive experience). It sounds like your husband is struggling but the most important thing right now is that you and the children need protecting.

ShitOnIt78 · 19/10/2019 10:25

Dont call the police you will have Social Services involved! Good! They will support OP. They wont take children from mothers who are safeguarding them but would take a very dim view of a parent who did not report violence.

Lweji · 19/10/2019 10:26

Dont call the police you will have Social Services involved !

Wins the prize for stupid and dangerous advice.

Of course you should call the police.
It's domestic violence and it will get worse.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 19/10/2019 10:28

How old are the children? Verbal yet? Because they will tell someone else about this or act it out.

You need to protect your children.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 19/10/2019 10:28

Has he ever done anything like this before? It sounds very odd after 21 years.

Livebythecoast · 19/10/2019 10:30

Agree with everyone and madcatlady is right about future custody. If you don't report it then there's no evidence he has been violent - only your word. You must feel very scared and I'm so sorry this has happened to you Flowers

Yeahnahyeah1 · 19/10/2019 10:31

OP, I really think you ought to report this to the police, it was a hideous assault on you and must have been horrifying for your poor children.
You must have your wrist looked at, they’re incredibly intricate and easily damaged and trust me, can cause years of problems if you overlook an injury like this.

Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:32

I am reading. I appreciate your posts.

It definitely isn't broken, I've broken my wrist before and it's just bruised.
It will probably look more bruised tomorrow.

Thing is, I hit him on the back with the remote control to try and get him away from the baby. I was panicking.

I've hurt him too probably!!

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 19/10/2019 10:32

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Original poster
WhatTheChuffJustHappened · 19/10/2019 10:33

Hurt H's back. Not the baby, he's fine thank
god.

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 19/10/2019 10:33

The wrist is a very delicate part of your body, you could easily have a small fracture or damaged ligaments. Get it looked at, and call the police. Everyone is right, this won't be the only time. He's already lying, and blaming you. This will get worse.

Protect your children, show them that violence is never okay and protect yourself. You'll never be able to relax around him again as you'll be waiting for the next attack.