My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

[WhatTheChuffJustHappened]

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

I'm not making excuses. He's a miserable cunt.

People asked if he was drinking or something else.

There's no excuse to do what he did.

All it takes is for your older children to tell one person about this horrific incident and then SS will be looking at you as well as part of the problem. Unless you ask your children to lie about it, would you actually make them do that. If you don't report it, you are complicit in keeping them in an abusive home.

Sorry, I didn't really mean making excuses but you will, as others have said, have no comeback at all if you don't report this attack.

How horrible for you!!
Out of interest....is he usually out the night before his moody sunday?

Reminds me of an ex's behaviour and he was taking coke and drinking....moody and angry and snappy and totally out of character the day after.

Look after yourself! I know it's scary but definitely report it....and write down the details somewhere safe!
Poor bubsie too! :(

Just saw your replies about drinking. My ex turned out to be an alcoholic. Red flags a-plenty looking back but I could only see that once I'd got some support and got away! :(

Sorry to hear about your situation. Would you consider going to your local council homeless prevention team who could advise you? They would have a weekend out of hours helpline too.

Hey OP I'm sorry you're in this nightmare. You need to do what's right for you, but if you were my friend, I'd be pressing you to go to the police. At this point, you've actually nothing to lose anymore. He's not going to put your name on any house that's now bought anyway.

The circumstances have changed since he cleared the account. The strategy of playing it clever is still important, but that now needs a different path. Playing it clever now is going to the police, to limit his options to control you later through the children.

IF he sought help.

OP, he won't. Why are you still in denial about what is going on? He assaulted you in front of your children and put a baby FFS! in harm's way.
And now he's cleared out the bank account. Tells you all you need to know - he is going to play dirty.

Stop making it about him! You have a duty of care towards yourself (because you need to be there for those poor kids!) and towards your children.

Please, please get the ball rolling, report this to the police, take photos of your bruises, go to your doctor about it. You need all the evidence you need. And FFS get in touch with Womens Aid.

Your children NEED you to do this, and you NEED to do this for yourself too!

It's hard, I know. Especially after 21 years. He has you not knowing which way is up or down. But YOU DO! Wishing you all the best.

IF he sought help

He's not the one who needs help, OP. No illness made him slam your wrist in the door.

No he doesn't drink and he doesn't go out the night before.

I've no idea why he's such a nasty bastard on sundays.

OP if you do not call the police, and social service/the school etc getwind of what hes done, your children are the ones then at risk and you are seen as not protecting them

as for the long game, you will be even worse off buying a house with him. Any divorce lawyer will see you have done that intentionallyand that will not look good for you at all

he has taken your money and no intention of buying a house with you anyhow

sorry to be blunt but i see it time and time again this situation, of women who make excuses for men and do nothing about it

No he doesn't drink and he doesn't go out the night before.

I've no idea why he's such a nasty bastard on sundays.

I see variations on this theme over and over again on threads in relationships, OP. And it's not your fault - as women we are trained from early childhood to put immense mental effort into trying to get inside other people's heads, understand them, empathise with them.

But (IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT) this does not matter. It does not matter one little bit why he behaves badly.

All that matters is that he does behave badly, and you should not have to put up with it.

Honestly, if women put half as much time and mental energy into answering the simple, straightforward question of "should anyone have to be on the receiving end of this behaviour?" instead of being diverted into the intrinsically unanswerable question of "why does he exhibit this behaviour?" the world would be a much, much happier place (for women and their children at any rate: the men who're relying on some woman to do the emotional equivalent of wiping their arses for them might not be quite so happy, but frankly, who cares).

Social services will be involved, but it is better that you report to the police as if you don't and someone else does it will be deemed that you are not protecting them.

Op, you’re getting ,it’s of good advice on here, I do think you should call the police even if you don’t take it any further it will be on record.
What’s more important to you, half a house or your children’s health and happiness?
I live in social housing on housing benefits, it’s fine, no one knows unless I tell them (about HB) and evening if they did I wouldn’t care.
You need to prioritise your children over everything else, and I think you know that really.

lots not its

@BarbaraStrozzi Interesting and great points.

From a young age, my family and I experienced a moody Father most Sundays. When I was 12, my Father and I had a physical incident that resulted in me attending hospital that night. Whilst at the hospital, I told my Mum that I would rather go into a Children's Home than go back home. My Mum, my pre-school sibling and I returned home during the early hours of the following morning, packed our clothes and then left. Never put up with that type of behaviour and protect your children 💐

You have had a lot if important advice here OP. You are obviously in shock and living in the moment - yes he's locked out. That's good. But don't let the shock minimise what has happened. You know in your heart of hearts that he can't come back, as he is a risk to you and your children. He has crossed the line.

Call a friend or family member - get them to come round and get some real life support. They should tell you too that this is not just one bad day. It's a turning point.

The rest of the advice is right about the police. Your family are at risk and you need protection. Start from here.

June2007 my eldest two children witnessed it. They saw very well that I was putting medicine in the cupboard when he started slamming the door on me.

I don't care if you don't believe me.
It really makes no difference.

He wasn't protecting the baby. He as being a controlling fuck. I wanted the baby because I was panicking and hurt and my instinct was to get the baby out of the arms of the person who just hurt me.

I appreciate everyone's advice.

I've been speaking to my mum. She was a child who witnessed domestic abuse with her parents. So she is weighing heavily on me about the kids as well.

I really appreciate your replies.

I am listening. I think maybe I need time to accept the sudden change of things.

And being in this place worries me greatly. It really really worries me.

FFS call the police and get rid of him. Your children have been let down by one parent, don’t make it two.

Completely agree with all your post Barbara!
The question of 'why does he exhibit this behaviour' can, in my opinion, be boiled down to 'because it suits him to do so' !

Playing the long game doesn’t mean sticking around while he dangles the promise of a house near you.

The long game means getting ahead of him to make sure his access to your children is limited and/or supervised.

It means that you if one of your children tells someone what’s happened and you’re reported to social services you can already demonstrate the steps you’ve taken to protect them: removing their abusive father, reporting to police and seeing your go.

Right now you’re in shock and think contacting the police is one more bomb going off in your life but lots of posters who’ve been where you are telling you they wish they’d reported it. This man could have killed you in front of your children.

Please listen and get legal help.