My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

[WhatTheChuffJustHappened]

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

Nope.
The being married thing is a red herring.

I got a lot of wrong advice last time I posted here about it.

I saw a solicitor.

IF a house was in my name as well then yes I would get half if not more

Oh OP. He sounds awful. Have you any family you could go to?

You do know that any good lawyer for him will argue that your relationship was already in a bad way before you bought the house together - and yet you conned him into thinking you would treat it as a fresh start, so that you could then divorce him for the dosh.

That's what'll happen in the 'long game' if you play it. You'll be made to look like a gold digger and him, the poor hard done by man who was tricked by you.

As others have said, it will also be much harder to get him to leave if you buy a house together.

You need to log it with the police, it provides hard evidence for your divorce if nothing else.

Why would you not get 50% of the house sale? You're married and you have children, it's an asset of the marriage.

Not right now it's not. I have to agree with the OP that a lot of myths about what wives/mothers are entitled to just aren't true anymore.

OP, at least take photos of your wrist and see a doctor to check it's not fractured. I'm 99.9% sure anything you tell a GP is in confidence, but check, and then tell them what happened. Then if it ever came down to it, someone in a position of responsibility knows.

PLEASE CALL THE POLICE.
You must protect yourself and your children. There is always an excuse for this sort of behaviour and never a reason.
I honestly don't believe that you want your children to grow up thinking abuse is ever ok and trust me this may be the first time but if he gets away with it then it will not be the last.

I'm so sorry this has happened OP. Will you be safe if you go through with your plan? Maybe contact Women's Aid for some support and advice while you're working through everything. Good luck!

If I have to take him back temporarily in order to get my kids into a clean and safe environment, then yes

Oh no

Last time I saw a solicitor and I paid £250 for it.
No doubt I will be forking out again. From the peanuts I have left

1). Legal aid

2. can you afford NOT to get a solicitor

I've got a thumping headache.

Drink a pint of water and snuggle up with the DC for some cartoons. Stress constricts the blood vessels.

Thanks everyone for your help.

I know full well it appears that I'm not taking advice but I really am letting in your words.
Like a woodpecker on my brain.

Photos of any injuries that you've taken cannot be used to substantiate your claim that he caused them.

Report this incident to the police or to health professionals TODAY if for no other reason than you may, subject to your income, be eligible for legal aid in any future divorce proceedings and this could save you a small fortune.

As the national number is vastly oversubscribed, click on this link;
www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and scroll down to find your nearest Women's Aid service and ask for recommendations for solicitors who are experienced in domestic abuse cases.

Alternatively, google your local council/authority to see if they operate a domestic abuse service as many councils now have 'one stop shops' for victims of abuse.

FYI Legal aid for divorce proceedings was abolished c2013 but it is available in certain cases such as domestic abuse/violence that has been reported to the police/health professionals and can be verified by those bodies.

I understand why you are attempting to box clever but you would be incredibly stupid shortsighted to let this opportunity pass you by.

I was married and we had a house that was in my name only. I was repeatedly told by solicitors that it didn't make any difference that it was in my name - we were married and it was considered a marital asset.

Has this changed recently?

It's good that you want to ensure that you aren't a victim and that you will get your fair share.

But be careful! Don't potentially waste two opportunities here to get proof or your predicament (police & doctor).

By withdrawing £10k I think your H has made his position very clear. It's great that you have contacted a divorce lawyer, hopefully you can speak to them early next week. You can still report it to the police and see your GP after talking to a divorce lawyer once they have reassured you that it's a good idea. Good luck OP.

OP, I completely understand your motives for wanting to get the kids out of an unhealthy home. I think it sounds like you’re trying to think rationally, play the long game as you say.

But the thing is... a home with him is the least safe home you can have. Worse than any rising damp, mould or cramped conditions. You’re absolutely right that you have to get your kids to a safe environment, and that is one away from your abuser.

I'd really like to urge you to contact women's aid for advice. I know you've had solicitor advice but women's aid can offer up useful support and signposting for your particular situation including future ramifications of calling police or not in regards to child arrangements and safeguarding. Do get your wrist checked out soon as well. Like pp have said tell someone in real life, make this real.

<a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/" target="_blank">https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/
0808 2000 247

Cambinone in our situation yes.
Because whilst we have been together 21 years we haven't lived together than long, and in been married 4 years.

So they count it from when we moved in.
They discard all the years before that.

From what you've said, there's no way he will go through we a purchase with your name on the deeds, because he will suspect you're more likely to split once you're in a better financial situation. That's why he's taken a the money, to fuck you over and make sure you feel trapped.

Definitely go to gp on monday to start leaving a trail, because he sounds the sort to turn nasty when it comes to custody arrangements

Unfortunately I think he has no intention of buying a house with you.
He has assaulted you and taken all of the money out of the bank.
Next he will keep all of his money, buy a place for himself only then try and get custody of the kids.
You can't afford not to report him I'm afraid it's that bad now.
I know men like this.
Have you ever thought that maybe he got you into this flat to get rid of you?

I think you need to accept the house isn't happening given his withdrawal of the savings.

All I going to say is I grew up in a nice house with an angry father. I witnessed things and when I got old enough to argue back, I experienced them. I would rather have struggled in a grotty flat than pay for the years and years of therapy I have had and the lifelong emotional damage I have been left with.

I know how you feel OP.
I have lived trough DV in my childhood and as an adult in my relationship of nearly 10 years.

My mother never left my father and allowed him to be abusive to me. Her reason for not leaving was that she was scared to lose her comfortable life and family home. I honestly believe that this has sort of imprinted in my subconscious thinking that it’s ok to stay in a relationship/home where there is DV as long as you believe you’ll be off worse alone. I stayed with my ex for years despite his abuse because I was terrified of living alone and having to live on my own.
After I left him it has been a couple of very difficult months but the freedom and relief I felt were so worth it.

OP please don’t let your children think that its EVER ok to stay in an abusive relationship. The example will stay with them even trough adulthood.

Yes, you are minimizing and making excuses. I did that for ages. Then I saw the light