My husband just slammed a door on me repeatedly

[WhatTheChuffJustHappened]

Trapping my wrist, bruising and cutting it.
In front of the kids no less.

H and I have been together for 21 years, he's never raised a hand to me or even come close.

We moved out of our house into a tiny gritty nasty flat while we buy a house. No one wanted to, we all hate it but a long boring back story means we have no choice.

DH is a miserable arsehole every Sunday. I don't know why but he is, he speaks to us all like shit until the afternoon when nice DH comes out.
We're all sick of it. Knowing we were going to be in a tiny flat this weekend I offered for him to stay at hotel, I would pay, we all get a break.
He said he would stay at a friends tonight.

Instead he has extended his Sunday arseholeness to Saturdays.

We had a minor dispute about some medicine while he was holding the baby.

He then flipped out and slammed the kitchen door in my face - literally. I tried coming out and he kept slamming it shut, catching my wrist and slamming it again still.

I got out and I try getting the baby off him but he's pushing me, hard. I start to panic as he's holding the baby and I hit his arm. He then puts the baby in the sofa but towers over him so I can't pick him up.

I'm panicking and shouting at him to give me the baby and get out.
I pick up the remote control and hit him on the back repeatedly until he gets away from
The baby.

I pick the baby up and tell him to get out. My voice is shaking and he mocks it.

He eventually agrees to go after a torrent of lies.
He said he slammed the kitchen door because I started hitting him. That all this was because I kicked his clothes this morning (I did neither, there were no clothes and I was putting meds back in the fridge when he slammed the door, fridge and door directly next door to each other) he shouts that it's all my fault that he is the way he is.

I say fine, it's all my fault, I tried to fix that by giving him us a break in a hotel. But now he's still like this.

He took my door key so I couldn't lock him out.
To said I would take the kids to a hotel and he chucked the key back

I've now locked him out.

Fuck sake.

The flat may cause harm in the long run. Your DH has caused harm now.
The flat is not the problem.

Police, love! He’s a danger to you and your children. Get that transfer reversed by the bank if you can. I bet if you look back over the last 21 years, he has been building up control over you in subtle ways - this is why you are reluctant to act against him now.

Have you exchanged on the house?

But surely once he's put that money into a shared house he will refuse to leave?

Will he argue with a 50:50 split now? You realise you'd be entitled to more than 50% if you took it to court, don't you?

No.

I agree Pumpkin.

Though given that the husband has just cleared out their savings, I think this may actually be out of OP's hands. He may be planning on bailing out.

(Happened to a friend of mine. She spent twenty years in abusive marriage while friends and family pleaded with her to leave, offered financial help, even offered her housing. Eventually he moved a new, younger woman in, then shut her out of the house in just the clothes she stood up in.)

No I wouldn't. The house was in his name, I would not get 50% of the proceeds.

If I bought a house with him and sold it upon divorce I would likely get more than 50% of the proceeds.

I've already seen a solicitor.

Yes I feared this would happen.

He has never laid a finger on me before though. He was just being a general arsehole before.

Have a feeling some of you might remember a previous thread now i said that.

You haven't exchanged, there is no house yet. He's took the money. He's going to leave you with nothing. Call the police.

If you haven’t exchanged could he pull the plug on the house purchase?

Cross post with you, OP.

I want to be clever.

Have you ever heard the phrase too clever by half?

This man has just physically assaulted you and cleaned over ten grand out of your bank account.

There is no clever strategy for dealing with this. There is only a basic survival strategy - go to the police, get a really good lawyer and try to get at least part of your money back.

Your children had to witness today's attack for Christ's sake. You cannot expose them to more domestic violence.

It will be much harder to extract yourself from him once you have moved back in together. I don't like threads where the OP is bullied into taking immediate the action but please - get legal advice

rightsofwomen.org.uk/

If you haven’t exchanged could he pull the plug on the house purchase?
Yes he could.

Stop dithering OP and do something - ring the police, ring women's aid, call 111, go to hospital, find a solicitor specialising in DV. Do Something.

It's pretty clear he's a nasty guy. He's not playing nice. He's taken family money and leaving his kids with nothing.

Stop thinking about appeasement and get bloody angry. Gloves off NOW.

*not

Mermaid you are being deliberately goady

You have focused your frustrations about the relationships onto the flat. You need to assume that the house isn’t happening and report your situation to the police. You can ask them not to take any action until you have got some legal advice on Monday.

You are trying to take the long view but you cannot control what your DH will do next.

Why would you not get 50% of the house sale? You're married and you have children, it's an asset of the marriage.

You're flailing now. You CANNOT buy a house with him. You CAN get out of the grotty flat, and in my view the steps are;

1. report to police. He's already indicated he's planning to leave you, and you NEED a paper trail of the abuse for the divorce, for solicitors, to get the money you need.

2. make an appointment with a solicitor and make an application for legal aid (you need the police report for this)

3. call the solicitor dealing with the house sale and say that the purchase is on hold and they are not to fake ANY action with the money or sale without your consent as well as H

4. Look at how much housing benefit you could claim and find yourself a short term let, holiday let, 6 month let or similar that you can afford, and if necessary, get help to move furniture to a self storage facility

5. put in a claim for CMS

I wish so much I would have called the police when my ex did similar to me. Please call them OP.

Stop being stupid and call the police. Get it on file, stop making excuses!

If you divorce surely you're entitled to half the marital assets ?

I've just emailed a local divorce lawyer and I will try and get some advice.

Last time I saw a solicitor and I paid £250 for it.
No doubt I will be forking out again. From the peanuts I have left.

I won't be contacting the police but I will show the GP so there's some kind of trail.

I will also be contacting environmental health about the damp.

If you are married the fact that a property is in his name won't make any difference to what you are entitled to - except possibly if he bought it on his own before you married. Get to a good solicitor who specialises in divorce.

No. As I said upthread, I'm not. The house was in his name. It's not that simple.

I've seen a solicitor already.