Hi all. Sorry for the long message but I really need some advice. I'll try and keep this long story as brief as possible.
Last year I left my husband, 4 months later I met someone who I have worked with for years but never really talked to, who I discovered was also getting a divorce. I had heard rumours about this man cheating on his wife so the first day we went out, I asked him about his affair and he admitted he had cheated on his wife because he was unhappy and looking for a way out but the consequences of his cheating were terrible. He ended up in hospital after the womans husband beat him up. I decided to not judge as I didnt know him back then and didnt know his relationship. The woman he cheated with is a parent from his childs school.
So we stood by each other, I learned that his wife was extremely violent to him, headbuting him and punching him etc even trying to get him arrested a few times, it was a lot to take in especially after just coming out of a marriage where I was cheated on, but I stood by him and we moved in together in december, though we kept our relationship quiet because of his crazy ex (who ended up stalking his new house by driving round searching for his car with his personalised number plate on the drive of every 'to let's house) 🙄 and because he wanted to divorce her he didnt want her to have any reason to keep him from seeing his kids (such as a new relationship with me)
On Valentines day, I woke up to the most romantic thing I have ever seen, he really went all out trying to spoil me but then our day was ruined when his ex caused trouble between him and the woman he slept with once last year from school (who ended up ringing him on valentines day running our day together)
Anyway, eventually I met his kids in February this year after his wife agreed to it, but that didnt stop her being nasty. Shes always saying how much she hates her kids and wishes she never had them. She stopped him seeing his kids all summer because he is happy with me and she is bitter. She uses them as pawns all the time and it's really cruel to watch
So court dates started for him as he knew his ex wouldnt go easily as he said she always believed she would go back to him.
There have been times where my boyfriend would randomly snap at me for something and I wouldnt understand why, almost like there was something bigger bothering him. It's been the strangest thing, like hes been wanting to tell me something but instead just snaps at me as a defence.
Through our year together we have had a few arguments about the lady at school he slept with messaging him every time he picks his kids up from school. It makes me uncomfortable even though he tells me theres nothing to worry about, I dont think it's right that she texts him whenever she likes and that he replies to her when he tells me he doesnt want anything to do with her 🙄 it doesnt make sense to me. Hes told me shes a slag and will go after anyone but that doesnt really make me feel better because hes with me now and he says he's happy with me so why feel the need to converse with her? Especially especially her husband hospitalised him for sleeping with her. But whenever I tell him how I feel about it, he goes mardy and tells me to let it go. Which really annoys me.
So on our one year anniversary he proposed to me, which was a complete shock but I accepted, he makes me so happy I couldnt help but say yes, even though on the days leading up to it we weren't speaking due to the woman from school and i very nearly left him because I didnt want to be continuously lied to again.
I've been divorced since April (my divorce was civil)
All through our relationship I have had to hide, I cant go into the school, I can't wait in the car when he picks his kids up, I can't post on Facebook anything (even our engagement) he never changes his pics to one of me and him, all because he wants his divorce to go through (18 months after leaving her!)
I'm tired of feeling hidden away. He wants to marry me. Why wont he shout it to the world?
2 weeks after we got engaged, the bombshell hit. His kid told us in the car something their mum had told them and my partner went pale. I knew then that this was the secret he had been keeping from me.
When he was 17 he slept with someone who got pregnant and had a baby, she told him it was his but she said she wasnt sure, when he was 18 the woman said she wanted her boyfriend to bring up the kid his own which he agreed to as he wasnt ready to be a father. It all made sense to me when he told me that. Though hearing it from his daughter wasnt ideal. He should have told me.
Last night I found out he had been texting the woman from school AGAIN after telling me he doesnt see her anymore as they line up at different sides and her other kid goes to a different school now. He also told her about the secret van we have and she said (after being told of the seat heaters)" I love a warm bum 😜"
Should I be annoyed with this? Am I overthinking everything? Hes asked me to marry him yet I still feel like hes lying to me! And I'm afraid to ask him about it because when I do, he goes mardy and always tells me to get over it! Need some advice please. Feeling really exhausted from all these emotions.