4 men. which one?

[Honeyandicecream]

I’m mid thirties and have wanted to settle down for a while now. I’ve been half hearted about dating and after some blunt conversations with friends, I hit the dating apps hard and have found myself dating three seemingly decent men...met each of them three times and speak sometimes daily or every few days, including on the phone. Not only is it becoming hard to juggle (!) but I sense that each is about to bring up the ‘are you seeing anyone else’ topic soon. I’m notoriously bad at choosing a good man, so what you think is important!

1. Stable job, similar income, very different backgrounds (jokes about his poorer background against mine..that sort of thing), don’t fancy the pants off him but he’s the one I look forward to speaking to most. Very opinionated, wants kids, never married, same age as me. Not at all into lots of romance but says nice things often enough. I can be outspoken and he challenges me on this which I like. Down to earth and although he lives an hour away he’s very willing to travel to see me.

1. Older than me by about 5 years, previously married and now divorced, wants children, not massively attracted to him but not repulsed (I have to get to know someone to fancy them), good job, settled, very career focused, doesn’t get my sense of humour much and doesn’t challenge me. He’s basically very very nice and sweet.

1. Man who apparently wants to give me everything...all the things I dreamed of like a nice home (yes I know it’s shallow but I would want for nothing material ever...don’t cling on to this point as I know other things are more important!), wants kids, great fun to chat with but below average in bed. He’s the only one I’ve dtd with so far though...possible the others aren’t great either

1. Good job, family sort of guy who wants kids, good to chat with, fancy visually more than all the others, lives the closest. Maybe not into all the same stuff I am, but I don’t think that matters.

I am notorious for picking bad boys. These men all seem quite similar when I’ve read back what I’ve put! But sometimes I think maybe I’m a bit of a loner, I seem to attract men but don’t need them. Which then makes me think why not go with number 3 who is the keenest and I could live an easy life, expect with terrible sex. But then I get bored easily...I know I need to have the conversation soon because I can’t and don’t want to be dating four people, I really want to try and make something of a relationship.

Help me out guys! xx

I’d honestly keep seeing (not shagging) all of them until one of them asked me to be exclusive.

But if you want to choose...

DON’T choose the bad shag. Plus he could be full of hot air anyway, promising you the Earth.

Why did you put the first bloke in the top spot? Is he the one you like best but you’re worried he’s another bad boy..?

Oh it’s not in any order!

Not 2 or 3. Probably 1, unless he is overbearing.

Do you actually fancy any of them?! Maybe "5" will be better. ....

I think if you need some strangers to help you pick one then you don't like any of them enough. I don't believe in 'the one' but I do think that if you really like someone then you know about it. (And if you don't really like them, why bother?)

Well that’s what I think!

But I have written off many a decent man in my time and I don’t want to do it again. These men really are al nice, intelligent, decent people. I will write someone off at the smallest thing so I am trying not to do that this time...

None of them.

You're clearly not into either off them if you're keeping your options open.

Life is too short for crap shags, and people who don't get your sense of honour.

oval I always keep my options open though, have done for over a decade! That’s not the way to find someone according to my friends...and I do like each of these men.

Off the info I'd go 4

I wouldn't go second family for choice unless madly in love
The one who is not good in bed is a no unless trainable (generous but clueless)
Number 1 the joking about him being poorer background makes me feel uncomfortable, if he's mentioned it more than once or twice it may be there's something going on there and he's going to be resentful

Tbh
You don't really like any of them do you?
Any give you flutters in tummy etc?
I'd say number 5 too.

Why do you want to settle down? Do you really, or just an expectation because of age etc?

I would have aid that the one you like most is No1. The others are 'nice' but I dint get the feeling you are attracted to any of them.

4 (if any)

2, no because you don't fancy him.
3, Lovebombing and future faking alert

1. Argumentative sorts are never a good idea. You might enjoy the stimulation of the chat now but in 3 years when he is telling you the 'correct' way (his way) to butter your toast in the morning, you'll wish you'd ran whilst you had a chance.

1 or 4, though I'd be leaning towards 1 as he seems to be a good match for you intellectually.

You’re being a bit unfair because you haven’t shagged them all.... you’re not comparing like with like. If thats part of the assessment process then you should shag all of them... or at least number 4 who you fancy the most and is local.

Follow your instincts. If you have to ask though, none of them are the one.
Chuck the other 3 my way when you decide 🙂

Knock number 3 off the list.

They do all sound similar.

I don’t want to shag them all though...that’s the problem. I want to give it a proper go with one of them now and stop having one night a week with each!

1. Opinionated can be good, as long as he doesn't slide into 'he knows best'. Otherwise he seems a good option.
2. Not getting your sense of humour will seriously get you down over time esp when you've had a shit day and you have to cope with his crap SOH.
3. You'll lose respect for him quickly.
4. Seems a good bet.

If I were you I'd get rid of the two you have the least connection with. Then see the other two a bit more before you decide.

I'd say 1 or 4.

1 challenges you, I think that kind of mental connection bodes well, you can't fake advantage of him and walk over him, thst will stop you getting bored. And he's tbe one out of the 4 you want to actually see again

If you had a really long car journey tomorrow who would you want to share the car with? You need to enjoy spending time with someone if you want to make a life together and day to life can be mundane. Saying that, I do think you need to fancy them too!

Shag 1 and 4 and then report back please.

I'm practicing learning to read tarot cards, want me to ask them? I mean you could just flip a couple of coins but, it's more fun this way xD

I love Mumsnet! Maybe I do need to get on and shag them to decide.

Definitely prefer to be in a long car journey with 1 or 4. 2 and 3 would grate on me after a while!!

Go for a lucky dip

If you have to ask, none of them is right.

If one was, you'd know.

Do not compromise even at your age.

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