4 men. which one?

[Honeyandicecream]

I’m mid thirties and have wanted to settle down for a while now. I’ve been half hearted about dating and after some blunt conversations with friends, I hit the dating apps hard and have found myself dating three seemingly decent men...met each of them three times and speak sometimes daily or every few days, including on the phone. Not only is it becoming hard to juggle (!) but I sense that each is about to bring up the ‘are you seeing anyone else’ topic soon. I’m notoriously bad at choosing a good man, so what you think is important!

1. Stable job, similar income, very different backgrounds (jokes about his poorer background against mine..that sort of thing), don’t fancy the pants off him but he’s the one I look forward to speaking to most. Very opinionated, wants kids, never married, same age as me. Not at all into lots of romance but says nice things often enough. I can be outspoken and he challenges me on this which I like. Down to earth and although he lives an hour away he’s very willing to travel to see me.

1. Older than me by about 5 years, previously married and now divorced, wants children, not massively attracted to him but not repulsed (I have to get to know someone to fancy them), good job, settled, very career focused, doesn’t get my sense of humour much and doesn’t challenge me. He’s basically very very nice and sweet.

1. Man who apparently wants to give me everything...all the things I dreamed of like a nice home (yes I know it’s shallow but I would want for nothing material ever...don’t cling on to this point as I know other things are more important!), wants kids, great fun to chat with but below average in bed. He’s the only one I’ve dtd with so far though...possible the others aren’t great either

1. Good job, family sort of guy who wants kids, good to chat with, fancy visually more than all the others, lives the closest. Maybe not into all the same stuff I am, but I don’t think that matters.

I am notorious for picking bad boys. These men all seem quite similar when I’ve read back what I’ve put! But sometimes I think maybe I’m a bit of a loner, I seem to attract men but don’t need them. Which then makes me think why not go with number 3 who is the keenest and I could live an easy life, expect with terrible sex. But then I get bored easily...I know I need to have the conversation soon because I can’t and don’t want to be dating four people, I really want to try and make something of a relationship.

Help me out guys! xx

Number 4.

Do not compromise on how much you fancy them. And never go for bad sex.

I’m not sure any of them sound that well-suited to you, at least from what you’ve written. You clearly have no problem attracting men online so perhaps drop the ones you like the least and carry on looking?

I am fascinated. You should keep going and start blogging about it.

If you do please pm me so that I can follow and hopefully be invited to the wedding!

Def whittle down to one and four for a start. Three doesn’t sound trustworthy.

I don’t want to keep dating though!

I’ve dated so much over the years. It’s not fun anymore. I want a relationship and I can see myself looking back wishing I had made a go of it. Even if it doesn’t work out, I think I need to try? I have no doubt that I could log back on to the app and find four more men but how depressing!! I want family and a relationship, not endless dates.

I married a "3." The early times are heady and being spoiled is fun for a while, but no amount of lavish travel and fancy cars/gifts/homes can make up for a lack of genuine connection or other issues in the relationship. I think sometimes partners like that lead with the "I'll give you the world" to cover up issues that may pop up after they have the commitment they want.
Agree with PPs that to take on 2 and his children, you'd have to be very much in love and very committed to making a blended family work.
1 and 4 sound promising!

2 doesn’t have children, he’s just divorced xx

If I couldn't choose between 4 men, none of them are the right one.

I'd want someone that makes me not want to look elsewhere.

Everyone is different though, good luck.

It's possible they are all wrong and so were all the others you dated and didn't stick with.

You are going at this with your head not your heart.

Ideally you should get some butterflies at the idea of seeing someone in the early days OR you can be really good mates and then things progress.

Have you ever been in love?
At 35-ish have you ever had a long term relationship?

If you have, how did that happen?

Yes I’ve been in love and in a long term relationship.

Butterflies a little bit when I speak to 1. But like I say I’ve never fancied someone straight away. Every relationship I’ve got to know them over a few months before anything happening, but online dating speeds it up a bit as we all know why we are there!

If you need strangers to answer then non of them are right yet! Just go with the flow x

None of them. Don’t settle for second best. You will end up bored or cheating. Hold out for someone solvent that makes your heart flutter and your bits tingle.

1 OP.
You get butterflies and he's the one you look forward to seeing him. That's more important than the money or the physical appeal which can wane easily enough. I'd say you need a date with 1 where there's opportunity for things to at least get steamy. If you need to know him more first, dump the others and spend more time with him.

Abdi don't think asking means they're all wring, I think some people are genuinely bad at seeing what is in front of them and will let good guys go for something superficial or because they're not the usual type. Except the usual type are dicks!

I’ve never fancied someone straight away.

You need to keep looking then. Baffles me how many women I see on here getting into serious relationships with men who aren’t right for them.

You’ll be back on here in a few years time with a thread entitled “Don’t fancy DP” or “DP is shit in bed and I’m bored”.

Wise up.

Cloudy I'm with OP on this one, I fall for guys who make me laugh, who are clever etc. That doesn't necessarily mean I fan y them at first sight cos they're likely OK looing, average gyts but then I get to know them and feel thst click which turns to chemistry. Happily married with 1 child and more on the way and I def didn't

fancy DH from the first date.
All the guts I've fancied right away have been totally unsuitable

1 or 4. Agree with PP...you need to test them both out in bed and then decide.

2&3 can definitely be binned!

No 1. All day long. Take him to bed and report back!

no 1

You say you never fancy someone straight away, but you say you find 4 attractive, so I think you do, as you don't know him as well as the others. I think you should date him a couple of times and see whether your differences are relevant or not.

Then see how you feel about them all in a couple of weeks. No-one could keep this pace up for long :)

You could get rid of the one or two you're not that keen on.

one night a week with each!

I know you're not shagging them but that still sounds utterly exhausting.

Date none of them so you can stop messing them about

Blimey honey, you're spoiled for choice! I used to joke years ago that every woman should have three men: one for stability, one for going out to interesting places and fine dining and one for - well - you can guess. I was joking of course but - you have four!

Keep them going for as long as you can, have fun. You may find someone else and want to drop all four.

You're only young once and you are single!

4

Shag him before ditching 1 though