He finishes with me all the time

[love21]

Been with him 3 years, he can be amazing, romantic, funny and adorable but he has another side where he moans about my children, he is not keen on my friends. He left this time over a t shirt I washed which I thought was my sons but it was my sons dads t shirt, if I’d have know it was my exes I wouldn’t have washed it. I told him the truth but he nagged and left me and told me that his life is running out and he said I’m controlled by my kids. I’m broken again - it’s 13th time he’s quit on me ! I love him so much, I’ve been strong and not contacted him negging him back like I usually do, it’s been a week - should I message him and what do I say. My kids know that he really just wants me as he is a bit on and off with them. I’m constantly obsessing over him and life sucks without him - I’m 55

Do I message him

He walked out because you accidentally washed your ex's T shirt?? What an absolute twat

Don’t message him. He sounds awful. He’s split up with you 13 times, doesn’t like your kids, doesn’t like your friends. You’re well rid.

You and your children are a package deal, surely? I had an ex who made it clear that he was less than keen on my DD's existence. He's an ex. Be strong and leave him to it - I assume that he doesn't have children?

With any luck he'll stay gone.

How much emotional energy and tears have you wasted on this guy dumping you over and over when you could have just got on with your life? How much time have you been caught up in his drama while your kids need you and you're barely listening because you're too busy hurting? He's got you right where he wants you - too flustered to see him for who he really is!

He fell out with his son but I kinda got them back together. His son is 21 he didn’t see him from
The age of 12 so he doesn’t understand mine - 17 and 20 and they can be a bit rude to him as they don’t feel like he tries much to get on all together.

He sounds like a sulky teenager, get rid

So true - I have been terribly caught up in the drama and it made me less of a mum as I was in so much pain and anguish .

He sounds like an utter twat but your have to take a bit of responsibility here and stop taking him back! 13 times is ludicrous! You should be putting your children first even if they are older. He treats them like shit. He treats you like shit. There's no amazing, funny, romantic or adorable person in the entire world that should come before your children if they are treating all of you like this. Do not message him!

You deserve better than someone who realises you've washed a T-shirt that belongs to your ex and leaves.

Delete, block and move on would be my advice as hard as it is x

Thank you . I’m really trying this time. I’m scared as he is my true love and I’m 55 x

He sounds awful. I don't think it is fair in your DC to see a man treat you like that.
Very controlling horrible.

He is not your true love

Your true love finishes with you over a washed t-shirt? Doesn't sound like any great love story to me.
Get rid of him, he sounds ridiculous. What sort of grown man carries on about something so insignificant.

Is it you again?

He sounds like a total twat. The emotional energy you must have spent on these dramas - I feel exhausted just reading this.

A man who can leave you over a t shirt will find absolutely any reason to pick a fight. No matter what you do You’ll never please him or be good enough.

Does he think your cheating on him because of a washed tshirt?

I would change my number to be fair

Your true love? 🙄 are you sure you’re 55?

Please give your head a wobble... Seriously... You've been together 3 years and he has broke up with you 13 times.. Read that sentence a few times..3x a year he puts you through this... . He does not love you, he doesn't want to be with you. He is putting up with you till something better comes along... you love him and will seemingly put up with it so he can do what he wants.he controls you... The reason for breakup is pathetic. Stop clinging on..

Please please have some self respect and backbone. Walk away, block him, do not contact him...
Distract yourself with some time with the kids

My kids know that he really just wants me as he is a bit on and off with them

Erm.. your kids always comes first in situations like this.. doesn't matter how old they are. If he doesn't like them you shouldn't be with him!

You didn't kind of get him and his kid back together he was a dead beat dad and even fucked off from his own kid for 9 odd years...

OP, regardless of age, being in a relationship where the other person wants to isolate you from family and friends and where you have to constantly tread on eggshells around them for fear of upsetting them, is far far lonelier than being single.

I thought you were talking about being 55 I the sense of being old enough to know when you're being taken for a ride/old enough to know your own mind and respect yourself etc.

No he isn't your true love.

He's wrecking your head.

There is nothing wrong with being single.

There is nothing wrong with starting a new relationship in your 50s.

But maybe don't rush into one. You need some time to develop a sense of who you are

This man is not setting a good example to your children.

You can't live like this. Ok, so you think he makes you happy. So let's say that's a 9. But you know that he keeps ending it, so that knowledge will bring your happiness with him down a couple of points to, say, a 6 or 7. Then he will go ahead and finish it over something trivial...so you crash down to a 1 or 2. Then you get back together which boosts you temporarily to a 9 or 10, but then as time goes on, the thoughts that he's probably going to lose his shit over something again and call it off set in, so your happiness starts to leak and you drop down again, drop drop, so you're back at a 5 or 6 this time. Then you have a happy time, say, a holiday and you're back to 8 or 9, then the inevitable happens and you're bottoming out again at 0 or 1. Can you see it's a cycle of your happiness shooting up and down constantly? And that's become additive to you. You're chasing the high numbers and because they always follow low lows you feel amazing when they come. But the reality is, your average happiness is probably about a 4. Do you want to settle for a 4 for the rest of your life? Does this make sense? The solution is: you end it. Don't contact him. Not even once. So your happiness will temporarily be at a low. Bit gradually, over a week, two weeks, a month, two months, a year...it will improve. And not because of this dickhead. You will find happiness in other things. You'll find that your overall baseline of happiness becomes stable. You will grow as a person from not constantly dealing with massive fluctuations and drama. You'll even out at a much higher number than a paltry 4. You may choose to start dating, but you'll now have the knowledge that you don't need some bloke to attach your happiness to as you have a good baseline all by yourself. You'll find someone who only wants to add to your happiness, and you'll be able to enjoy that, but without needing it in the same way you do when you've been kicked down to a 1 and are desparately looking for and willing to accept that hand to grasp to yank you up the numbers to make the pain stop. Your bloke has conditioned you to constantly be ecstatic or broken, so you are much more willing to accept horrible behaviour in the relationship. It's abusive. Get off that rollercoaster. Now's the fucking time!

He’s not your true love. He’s controlling as abusive. You will only meet your true love when you’ve let go of this man. You’re 55. Good, you have plenty of life left to live. Don’t live it in this cycle of abuse.
Read “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft.

He sounds like a knob. Why are you putting up with this shite? People who love you do not treat you badly. Do not contact him - he wants all the drama.