He finishes with me all the time

[love21]

Been with him 3 years, he can be amazing, romantic, funny and adorable but he has another side where he moans about my children, he is not keen on my friends. He left this time over a t shirt I washed which I thought was my sons but it was my sons dads t shirt, if I’d have know it was my exes I wouldn’t have washed it. I told him the truth but he nagged and left me and told me that his life is running out and he said I’m controlled by my kids. I’m broken again - it’s 13th time he’s quit on me ! I love him so much, I’ve been strong and not contacted him negging him back like I usually do, it’s been a week - should I message him and what do I say. My kids know that he really just wants me as he is a bit on and off with them. I’m constantly obsessing over him and life sucks without him - I’m 55

Your true love wouldn't treat you and your children this way 😔

it's good you don't live together. easier to get him to stay away.

Where is your own self love? Where is your esteem? Where is your dignity?

He’s ended things with you 13 times!

Humiliating!

For you, not him!

So Unlucky 13 eh? YOU END IT WITH HIM

permanently.

I’m a couple of years younger than you, I know what you’re feeling, but please don’t do this to yourself- bin this idiot, stop settling for utter crap and don’t allow anyone in your life who doesn’t value you for you.

This guy doesn’t love you, you’re a convenience.

He’s literally too stupid for you to give him the time of day, don’t let his stupid rub off on you. You want your kids to look up to you right? Then show them how not to be a doormat

Sometimes when I read threads on MN, I despair of what young women put up with and I believe an advantage of getting older is that you don't put up with this kind of shit. (I'm the same age as you.) I know it won't be easy, but please stay strong. This won't get any better. If you feel like contacting him, read this thread and take strength from the support you will find here.

Has op been back ?

Your true love? Wow I had no idea true loves could leave you 13 times and not like your kids and friends and sulk over a washed t-shirt.

OP you said you're 55 but you seriously sound 15. Pull your head in and focus on your children. THEY should be your true loves.

It would have been very difficult for them to watch their mum make such a fool of herself over that waste of oxygen. You've got a lot to make up for. Get over him and get over yourself and be a goddamn parent.

I have been on here once before

What’s op

Op = original poster

He isn't your true love someone who loves you wouldn't keep leaving you. He sounds controlling and seems to do things to keep you how he wants you. How he is with your kids should overide everything tbh.

Your obviously in the throes of it right now and you're feeling the pain and panicking. Just do nothing. Don't message him, don't apologise (you did nothing wrong), don't beg and plead. That's no way to live.

A counsellor once told me to track my mood three times a day. 0 being awful and 10 being wildly happy and note the reason why. I soon realised I was anxious waiting for my ex-fiancé to get home because I didn't know what mood he'd be in and a lot of my down moments were related to him. A month later we broke up over something tiny because I just couldn't take it any more.

You have a real chance to enjoy your life now. You're 55. It has to be better than what you felt with him. And any man/woman who has an issue with someone's kids isn't worth your time.

Thank you so much your so right this is spot on

I posted about him before but I’m an idiot he wooed me and I went back into the cycle x

Thank you I’m doing them a Sunday roast and gonna put my energy into them - I miss his cuddles and holding his hand, he blows hot and cold so it’s not a healthy relationship

Mumsnetters have been kind enough to give you sage wisdom about your ex-bf here. They are all right, put your kids first and understand that if this loser did not see his own child for years...he won't be step-dad of the year to yours either. He has control issues...and you are sending a clear message to your own kids that adult relationships can be this dysfunctional and it is ok to put up with bad behaviour. Learn the word 'no' as it is a powerful agent for changing your life, and being a happier person.

Yes he doesn’t trust me

You need to be careful that this type of behaviour doesn't rub off on your kids, OP.

This sounds a lot like my DM. My parents divorced when I was 10 (very amicable, in their case), but I remember seeing my DM absolutely distraught over arsehole men throughout my teenage years. I suppose it was because my DF remarried and she wanted the same.

I believe that it gave me the wrong message about relationships, that we should always keep running back when we aren't treated like we deserve to be treated. It led to me demonstrating the same needy behaviours as an adult, trying to win back men who'd treated me like shit.

I know that's not your intention, but I'd stay well rid and keep the relationship drama away from your DC in the future.

Set an example of how you deserve to be treated

The cuddles are only nice in the moment when you know you can't rely on them and they won't last. You can never relax.

It’s not - with these replies I’m realising I need to get tough

Good god think of your children! You're demonstrating that it's okay to be treated like this. Block him out of your life for good!

Thank you I’m trying so hard to keep moving forward each day

So true I never felt relaxed and was terrified my kids would say something he didn’t like and then he’d be gone again

Take each day as it comes. And look into getting some counselling so you can address the issues that make you feel like you don't deserve better, because you DO. It just didn't work out, OP, and that's okay. That's good, actually, because now you don't have to repeat that same cycle over and over. You deserve better and your kids deserve to see better.

Your kids come first op

Stay strong. You want to break the cycle of your sons thinking this is the way to treat women and your daughters thinking that this is normal. Good luck! Keep posting if you have a wobble over the next few weeks...