Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He finishes with me all the time

150 replies

love21 · 06/10/2019 06:59

Been with him 3 years, he can be amazing, romantic, funny and adorable but he has another side where he moans about my children, he is not keen on my friends. He left this time over a t shirt I washed which I thought was my sons but it was my sons dads t shirt, if I’d have know it was my exes I wouldn’t have washed it. I told him the truth but he nagged and left me and told me that his life is running out and he said I’m controlled by my kids. I’m broken again - it’s 13th time he’s quit on me ! I love him so much, I’ve been strong and not contacted him negging him back like I usually do, it’s been a week - should I message him and what do I say. My kids know that he really just wants me as he is a bit on and off with them. I’m constantly obsessing over him and life sucks without him - I’m 55

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 06/10/2019 15:08

This isn't love, OP. I'm a widow now but we were very happy and I can tell you that love doesn't feed off crisis. Our love lay underneath everything we built together - deep and calm.

As for DC, he had a DD and she came first. The fact that he was such a devoted DF attracted me to him. He went on to be a great DF to our DC too.

Love is unselfish and loyal. It is kind. And it's fun.

DH and I were far from perfect. We had our moments. But we were best friends and I would have trusted him anywhere with anything.

You deserve better than this sorry excuse for a man.

Zenithbear · 06/10/2019 15:12

Stay strong and move on. He sounds a childish twat. If someone else finishes with you even once then stick with it, it's their loss. Respect yourself otherwise you're just a doormat.

Original poster
love21 · 06/10/2019 17:23

Your relationship sounds like it was a beautiful one x I bet you miss him xx

OP posts:
Original poster
love21 · 06/10/2019 17:26

I hope I can get him outta my head soon I’m knackered as I wake up at 2-3 am and he is etched in my ebery thought

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 06/10/2019 17:29

I hope I can get him outta my head soon I’m knackered as I wake up at 2-3 am and he is etched in my ebery thought

Heroin would do the same thing to you but I'd bet you'd never call it your true love.

I'm 56. Know your own worth and tell him to fuck off.

AnyFucker · 06/10/2019 17:30

I am embarassed for you. Dump this tosser and get a life, for christ's sake

mummmy2017 · 06/10/2019 17:31

Your being played by him.
He feeds you the romance and the affection to keep you hooked, so you beg and feed his ego, really he is drug pusher of love. He does not love you.

millimollimandi · 06/10/2019 17:34

55? You're 55 and you are STILL behaving like a teenager? Get a grip! How can you possibly love someone who treats you like this? Have you no self respect? He is a controlling nasty man and you need to get rid. Your kids can see that, why can't you?

Bumfuzzled · 06/10/2019 17:35

He left you over a t-shirt? Wow.

What is he like in properly stressful situations? What if you got sick, lost your job, someone died? Would he have your back and support you emotionally? I doubt that someone who gets in a hissy fit over a flipping t-shirt would be your rock.

Please don’t stay with this man.

aweedropofsancerre · 06/10/2019 17:40

Your poor DC seeing there DM being treated so badly and not only allowing it but being anxious that they might upset this ass? Put your DC first and raise your standards.

HebeJeeby · 06/10/2019 17:50

Op he's not your true love - your sons are. Or should be.

With all due respect and kindness, it sounds like you're in love with the idea of being in love when you talk about him being etched in your mind. He might be etched in your mind but it's for all the wrong reasons, please don't call him. Also, just to give you hope, a friend of mine divorced her husband of over 25 years when she turned 50 as she just couldn't bear living with him any longer he was so awful to her. She was worried about being alone and never meeting anyone else but now 3 years later she is engaged to be married to a wonderful man who makes her feel cherished and loved. This could be you if you free yourself from this man and allow yourself to be in a place where you are ready to meet someone else. Be kind to yourself and block him.

LightDrizzle · 06/10/2019 17:54

You do sound a bit in thrall to the whole “ my true love”, “etched into my every thought” stuff. I suspect you have got a bit hooked on the drama and are in an unhealthy cycle. Do you identify with people who suffer for love etc? Do you think your problem is having a big, big heart and being too giving?
Honestly in real life, beyond their early teens and romantic fiction, most people don’t talk like this. Give yourself a shake. It’s like you are writing into Jackie’s problem page but 40 years too late.
Don’t give him headspace and focus on what you need to do to prioritise your children and you. Focus your loving heart and giving nature on your children and show your “true love” his arse.

MollyButton · 06/10/2019 18:03

If you wake up in the night - find something else to do. Read a good book, have a puzzle magazine available, watch TV.
Cleanse your house of him. Get rid of his stuff. Rearrange things, clean, get new bed linen. If there are things he didn't like - then do them. Use smelly candles if he didn't like them whatever. Get your house smelling and feeling like a new place, one to your taste.
Do craft, and get out and do things. Re aquaint yourself with friends, spend time with your DC. Try new things you didn't have time for before, and start doing ol ones that you gave up.
Do a full Maria Kondo if that helps.

Do the stuff that teen magazines advised half a century ago. You can get over this. You are worth more.

Aussiebean · 06/10/2019 18:09

Wow. This is your idea of true love?

You haven’t watch enough romantic movies if you think this horrible man is your true love.

Drum2018 · 06/10/2019 18:10

I assume he doesn't own the house with you? If he has keys to your house change the locks asap and if he has an belongings at your house pack them up and get them sent to him. Block him. Bottom line, have a bit of self respect and stop letting this cretin treat you like shit.

MrsApplepants · 06/10/2019 18:12

He’s a loser. Get rid. For good. You sound like you have very low self esteem and low expectations of what a relationship should be like, maybe work on that and focus on the kids.

MaverlousMo · 06/10/2019 18:13

Just let him go OP. You’ll never be able to relax in this relationship. Do yourself a favour and let him go.

readitandwept · 06/10/2019 18:15

He fell out with his son but I kinda got them back together. His son is 21 he didn’t see him from
The age of 12 so he doesn’t understand mine

He fell out with his 12 year old and then didn't see him until you encouraged it?

What a total arsehole. How can you have one ounce of respect for him, never mind idolise him?

He's beyond fucking awful even before his behaviour towards you and your dc.

GlitchStitch · 06/10/2019 18:18

I have been terribly caught up in the drama and it made me less of a mum as I was in so much pain and anguish

But instead of being heartbroken that you have let your kids down and trying to make amends you continue to pine over this loser. Grow up.

MrsBertBibby · 06/10/2019 18:19

He's done you a favour pissing off. Don't let him back. What a twat.

Don't even think about another relationship until you have sorted your self esteem and learned to appreciate your own company.

RueCambon · 06/10/2019 18:22

you mention being 55 a few times. So what! You have two decades ahead of you to enjoy life and it will be less enjoyable if you're constantly on tenterhooks waiting for him to dump you again.

If he knows that you fear being single or just being without him above all else, then he can literally treat you however badly he wants to and there are no repercussions.

I can't believe he has the balls to say the words ''it's over'' or ''we're done'' or however he has said it, 13 times! He's a joke!

Work on taking a small but brave (to you) step every week. that way you will feel that you are brave enough to not miss out on anything as you grow old. Even if it's not with somebody by your side, if you're BRAVE then you won't miss out on a thing.

I feel like I worked this out a while ago. That the happy ending is just to be brave enough to be single and do 'it' anyway. Whatever 'it' is.

RueCambon · 06/10/2019 18:24

Might be worth googling intermittent reinforcement in relationships, and why it's so addictive.

RueCambon · 06/10/2019 18:25

read this OP

AnneKipanki · 06/10/2019 18:35

You do not need this .

billybagpuss · 06/10/2019 18:37

Whilst you can not be expected to 'love' step kids, you should at least make an effort to get along and like them. He is not, he is being awful to you and seems to want you to chose him over them.

What will happen 5 years down the line when it is your grandchildren that he is keeping you from or complaining about.

Don't crack, he's ended it, keep it that way.

Good luck