So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

Yes. He has behaved so badly. You need to try to face this and not to want him back because of it.

Yeah, not responding at all is a jerk move quite frankly. He could respond with a kind ‘no, I’m sorry but it is over’ or even ‘I need some time and space to think’.

Not saying anything is pretty immature for a man in his forties.

Hi thanks for all the replies.
Sorry not individual replies.
OK so some of you are going to think I'm mad and quite frankly this morning I'd agree with you in ways.
I didn't get a responce to my message, last night I was so upset I ended up calling him.. No reply. By this point I wasn't only upset but angry and just about to message saying 'I get the hint, after all this time nothing.. What about our stuff etc' and he messaged saying he'd call me tomorrow.
SO I've woke feeling annoyed but least later we can draw a line under it and I'll have got everything off my chest.. He will then have as much quiet as he wants as will be done. Dreading it but I need to say my piece and listen.

I don’t blame you in a way. You need to sort your stuff out at some stage and you don’t want to be in limbo indefinitely.

I hope he keeps his word there then but I wouldn't count on it.

Wtf! Let the man go. He treated you like shit and you are minimising and excusing. Don’t call don’t message just move on. You need a clean break to start the healing process.

Been there. Done that.
I can tell you know how it goes. It doesn't go well.
But you need to experience it yourself.

But we've all done it.
Sort of.

Im feeling awkward now but I need to say it - last time i was like this i was 18 and he was my first love.

Did i read earlier you 40?

Tough love here, you're 40. Wise up and batten down the hatches.

I know it's hard, but I'm 54. And with that comes experience.

Thanks all.
Totally agree with the negative responces, it doesn't look good but I can't just walk away from 3 years and not try when everything else has been great. What about people that cheat.. They get a 2nd chance (personally a no no from me but?) doesn't everyone deserve a 2nd chance.
Im pretty sure I'll update on here later saying you were all right but until then

I've only had 3 big loves in my life and a few mini ones.

But I recognise the pain and the fact that, at times, the length doesn't come into it.

Oh I thought you were contacting him for closure and to sort out your stuff, not to ‘try’ to persuade him back or be given a ‘second chance.’

18 is slightly different to 40..yes comes experience and having had rubbish relationships I know this one's been different. Yes holiday was dire, yes he's behaved childishly, yes he should make more of an effort but that's just the way he's always been.. Not minimising or excusing nor will I beg, I just fee aside from this episode we were great together and I need to at least get closure later

Of time *

Do what you have to do OP.
I know that feeling......

Upon, he's not cheated on me, beaten me, been nasty, he's told me he's not happy and I've gone into meltdown and we've had a dire holiday because neither of us can communicate.
I am at least wanting him to say something rather than just walk away or il always kick myself. I will ask him why no responce and why I've had to push, I know it doesn't look good, I'm not daft. But he's a great guy deep down and that's worth fighting for. Women on here wanting to sort affairs out, physical abuse.. Yes the silence is a form of abuse.. I just need to hear his side and then that's that.

He has you where he wants you now Rhubarb but I'm glad you are honest enough to post what is happening. I understand fully how the need to hear from someone we love consumes us.

Redshoesandtheblues age is no barrier to loving someone so much you'll do anything to keep them in your life. There does come a cut off point if the other person is determined to get you out of theirs, but where women would be annoyed at someone trying to maintain contact who they'd let go of, men seem to be flattered and peacocky about it, in my experience.

Mariana thanks. I know what you're saying and yes I'm not one to buttercoat stuff.. I'll know how he feels later and I know that's not what I'm going to want to hear but I need to just finalise things in my head.. Its been so so hard.. I do love him so much but there's no point fighting for someone if they don't feel the same way

There is the danger he'll use your devotion to him as a way to get you to be his emotional counsellor, without committing himself to getting back with you. Be wary.

So you recognise he is abusive but still think he's great?

Did you look at any of the Freedom Programme or Lundy Bancroft?

I'm going to listen to him that's all.
I'm not stupid, I know this is awful nd won't end well.

Did he offer any suggestions about how to deal with him 'not being happy'? Or was it going to be your job to fix that?

I hear what you're saying about him being great, but from what you've posted he sounds like hard work. It doesn't sound to me like you're the root of the problems here. Don't flog yourself to death to support someone else's emotional well being when they are willing to give you so little.

You are going to listen to him after he dumped you and then was silent, including ignoring your text.

He has all the power here.

That's the crux MsPavlichenko the loved one has all the power over the lover. The selfish ones use that to their advantage.

You are going to listen to him say what? The phone call is a response to you ringing him. I don’t think you are going to get answers. OP I stand by my earlier advice. You need to go no contact with him. It’s really really hard but it works. You are keeping yourself in limbo by texting and calling him. If he had any wish at all to save this relationship he wouldn’t have behaved like he has. I’m sorry, I know you’re in pain, I’ve been there. You’re not helping yourself.
When my ex dumped me on holiday a couple of years ago I was angry, upset, disbelieving. I get how you feel. You are prolonging your own agony though

Did he give any indication of when he would call? He is being massively controlling, he knows you will be waiting for his call all day - and I bet he will make you wait.

I thought he ended it? So therefore why is any closure needed? It's over - there's no ambiguity surely?