So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

I've found it useful to write a private diary of my feelings in these situations. It's like self counselling .
Also you could perhaps mark the days on your calendar of how many days since you had contact to give you strength and you can be proud of how many days you've made it through. You could aim for say 30 days and then see how you feel about him then so it doesn't feel like forever
Dont mean to be bossy just things I've found useful in the past x

My ex and I used to laugh ourselves sick together at stupid jokes. Never laughed so much before or since. But clearly that wasn't enough.

Mine had had his head turned by another woman (nothing to do with her, he'd never even had so much as a coffee with her, he'd just 'decided' he was in love with her and left me having asked her if he could move in with her and scaring her half to death). I realised then that I never really knew what he was capable of.

Sounds like you are having the same realisation, Rhubarb. That man, the one you loved and had such good times with - he no longer exists. He's now the kind of man who thinks he can ruin his partner's holiday, dump a load of emotional baggage on her and then have it all forgotten and swept under the carpet, because he says so.

Space and time will work their magic. Just keep busy.

Thanks all.. I'm really trying.
Had a family meal last night, it was awful and I feel so much worse tonight.. I'm so glad he wasn't actually there but if course missed him loads.
Still nothing.. I jump every time my phone goes.. But nothing.. I feel such a loss.

OP. I have to say this has only just happened and even if he give a sh*t it won't have hit him yet. I always give it the 3 month rule. They usually feel it within a good 2 months later. I am not saying he even wants you back but if he does it will take him time to realise. If it happens it will happen when you stop jumping every time your phones sounds and when you are more or less getting over it.

You're doing really well though! Well done xx it's just a process.

Well done on keeping going. He may well be letting you sweat it out. Hoping that by the time he (finally) gets in touch you will be so relieved you'll be on the back foot and ready to take responsibility / agree to his terms going forward. Obviously indirectly rather than a set of terms and conditions to be signed. So if he does get in touch with you be wary. You want to be able to look forward to holidays in the future!

In reality if he is a decent person and regrets his decision he should offer a full and frank apology (even by letter) for his behaviour holiday and in fact for taking you at all. Then leave it entirely up to you what happened next, and respecting your decision whatever it was. Less than this is no good as it leaves you vulnerable to him feeling like/doing it again. You may be prepared to accept it as a mistake but without him acknowledging /owning it it isn't is it?

Thank you. I understand what you're all saying.. Days feel like weeks and I'm mentally drained. Being away with him ignoring me was helll, I'd look at him and cry, being apart is easier but only because I can't see his face.
Ive had such a long hard think about things, a lot of the build up has been my fault, I'm really not just saying that, it has.. Not me directly but just situations and I can't blame him for feeling fed up.
I have written a long email and will leave it and decide if and when to send.. The waiting is torture and I'd rather him say something negative /final. Than nothing at all.
I've also realised I'd rather have him in my life part time than push for what I thought I wanted.. Thats my issue and I'm so angry with myself that I've blown it..
Weekend he will probably chill.. Another week that I'm not sure I can cope with and how long do I wait.. Time will tell hey.

Try to wait a bit longer. He will be feeling the same as you x

Rhubarb, I fully understand how you're feeling. You just want to fix it now so you're thinking 'If I'd said this, hadn't said that, been more this way/less that way, tried harder....'

The bottom line is he's not willing or able to put himself out there enough to fix what HE caused. He's a grown man; if something isn't working it's down to him to say that.

You're feeling the pain now and you want to put it 'right'. You can't do that on your own. No matter how hard you try. If you reach out now the next time the same thing will happen.

It's good to write an email, to get it all out. Please think hard about sending it.

Jan I will, now I've written it I feel a tiny bit better... Like he knows.. But he doesn't?!
Amia I totally agree and if we ever speak again and there's any hope I'd of course expect an apology.. Deep down even though he said sorry though it was because of the ruined holiday not because he wasn't happy.. I can't change that😢

I can guarantee you he will be in touch. Sit on your hands and wait x

You deserve better than someone who can't take responsibility for his own actions. This isn't on you to fix, although I understand you feel like it is because you know you're the only one who will.
I've been in your shoes. He should be the one wondering if there's any hope.

He's used to his space, I see it as him glad to be rid of stress..there's no disputing he misses me, loves me, he just can't deal with any negativity and that's why I feel he won't contact me sadly

He will be in touch give him time to cool off he will be in touch then and you can decide.
Keep busy go out with friends, take up a new hobby, do some exercise, join a running group , read men from Mars women are from venus. ( you need to give men time in the cave that is in a mood ).
You might not want him back by the time he contacts you . You will be too busy x

(You are being hard on yourself because hes knocked you confidence) x

You may have contributed to issues in the relationship. Don't we all?

What he did, how he did it, where he did it. All his responsibility. None of it your own. Please do read/think it all through.

How about setting yourself the task of doing interesting things meanwhile. Try to get your focus of him and on to other 'interesting' things.

Anything you focus on really fiercely does become interesting. I promise. It's a mindfulness thing.

Hi thanks, I've kept busy, it hasnt helped.. Because I still feel in limbo (yet pretty much know what he's thinking) I guess I just need a definative yes or no

No answer IS the answer here

Also he must have gotten the vibe you will forgive if he decides to say “yes”. So he doesn’t need to respect you enough to contact you because he know he can do that anytime & you will take him back.

It is still Al about him. Can you see that? You are still waiting for a " definitive answer". Aside from the fact that no answer is one, why be so passive?

After the way he's treated you why not consider how much more you deserve and mentally dump him definitively. You won't stop missing him or loving him right away of course. But you'll have been proactive and that in itself will help you feel better and start to rebuild a (better) life without him.

just need a definative yes or no

It is tough, especially if you are allowing him to make that decision and so are on tenterhooks waiting to hear from him

You can seize the initiative by deciding yourself to end it. Draw a line and continue with the rest of your life.

Find someone who is really lovely to you, someone who does not treat you as he has done. Enjoy the rest of your life without this shadow hanging over you. All the best

Yes. Don't let him be the one to give a definitive yes or no. From his behaviour he has already given enough of a no. Don't wait around for scraps from his table. He is not worthy.

'there's no disputing he misses me, loves me, he just can't deal with any negativity and that's why I feel he won't contact me sadly'

I don't want to be indelicate, but if he loves and misses you so much, why would he have said the things he said?

He wouldn't have.

He hasn't got round to doing anything at the moment, but that doesn't take back what he said- he still feels it inside, at least some of the time.
At the very least, he took his feelings out on you.

And if he can't handle any negativity- tough shit, he fucked up, and should be putting it right.

What about your needs and feelings? They matter too, and he isn't acting like they do.

So you are in your head in a relationship with a guy who's:-

a) said he doesn't want to be with you,

and

b) isn't bothering to try and make it up to you and make you feel better.

How can you carry on with him, knowing that any moment he might be thinking that he doesn't want to be with you? He might say the same again at any time in the future.

This must hurt so much, OP I'm sorry you are going through this.

But, in the kindest way possible, he broke up with you and you both had days left together to communicate and analyse your relationship and it's demise (you don't get more closure than that). Surely nothing has been left unsaid?

I think it would be unwise to send him a long email, or to contact him at all. It's over and his silence confirms that. I don't think you'll be hearing from him again. If he wanted you or wanted to talk he'd be banging your door down to sort things out. He hasn't.

I hope you find the strength to pick yourself up and move on soon, you sound like a wonderful person who deserves someone who loves you like you deserve.