So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

Rhubarb try thinking ‘Hey, at least next time I bring someone over I’ve got a damn good sofa to put them up on!’ There will be someone else eventually, even if you don’t know them yet and can’t even imagine that they exist. You sound like a fun, affectionate person so you deserve more than this nonsense.

It’ll feel better, I promise. I know my ex is moving out tonight and I’ll probably not really ever see him again, and I only feel a little bit sick. I’m distracting myself by thinking about the most efficient way to pack my shit up in the few boxes I have left. Small steps right?

Mariana yes that's tough.. Hope you're ok

Rose, I'm so sorry, I hope it goes as well as a situation like that has to..can you be out?
Could be worse for me, we could be separating houses.. I'll try and think of the positives

It is shitty and cliched but yeah, thinking about the positives has been helping. I am still young(ish) and there’s nothing in my life (other than time and closure) that is going to stop me from moving on and dating again. Same for you!

Rose I wish I could be as positive as you are. I guess I'm hoping he will realise he's made a mistake and beg to try.. I know I'm kidding myself though 😢 there are so many positives about him, so many reasons we worked.. So many silly funny things I've not done in previous relationships that I can't imagine anyone else being like.. Its so so crap

It's horrible, hard and sad. This is my third day after splitting up, I think I'm ok then something hits me. Unfortunately I'll never be able to go back to my ex x

Desolate hugs..its very hard

OP I know it’s awful but it will get better. It was 2 years ago it happened to me, the exact same thing. I never saw him again since we got home. It was just a complete shock, we were fine and happy I thought. I could not understand it at all. He continued to be ‘nice’ to me while we were away, I gave him a lift home. In the week after I got home I got very angry. I half hoped he’d see sense, maybe he’d had a wobble on holiday etc.
I only found out about a year later that he’d met his present girlfriend about 2 months before our holiday. I don’t think he cheated on me with her but I suspect they were at least having an emotional affair. It all made sense when I found that out. I didn’t contact him about it, no point.
What helped me was having no contact with him at all after that first week. It really helped me process things and recover. It took a while but I got there. So much so that when I did find out about the OW I didn’t really give a shit.

Oh I'm fine rhubarb! it takes time and treating yourself well.

It is slightly different for me. My ex almost immediately told me he’d made a horrible mistake and begged me to let him try again, it was all his fault etc, so I gave him a chance. He then changed his mind 2 days later because he ‘was afraid he’d just hurt me more down the line’, and then immediately shut me it so he could move on! So I’ve been quite brutally disabused of the notion that he’s going to come back and it’ll all be alright.

Basically as soon as you stop waiting for that to happen, you start being able to move on. Try not to focus on the happy memories right now - that person who you shared those times with just isn’t there so so there is no point missing them. Tell a few of your co workers so you have a support network at work, chat to people in the office you wouldn’t normally talk to and you may find yourself having a laugh with someone for five mins that makes you feel better. Eventually you’ll start to realise that life is still good and you can be happy. It’ll be a different kind of good and a different kind of happy but that is ok.

Rosecat wise words indeed. The person who dumps us isn't that person any more. It's a real headfuck.

OP things will get easier. Eventually you will tell your eyes at how he has treated you, trust me. I'd love you to come back on this thread in a years time. I remember being devastated when my ex and I split. After a while I felt better each day, until the tables turned and he wanted me around. I remember him calling asking to see me and I laughed (it just came out, I wasn't being callous). He wanted me back for a long time. For me it was over. We split 2 years ago and even now he recently asked to see me. I ignored the message. I honestly thought if we ever split I wouldn't be able to breathe. You will move on and you'll meet someone even better who doesn't ruin lovely holidays.

That was meant to say "roll your eyes" not "tell your eyes." I really must proof read before posting! Xx

Thanks all. I'm a total mix of emotions tonight. Half of me thinks make yourslef snap out of it as you can't change it.. Then I'll go to do something and have a meltdown as he's not going to see/do it anymore😭
I've also remembered there is something I have of his that he will probably want back, and I found a couple of bits in my case..if he messages me it will only be to get those back.. Sigh

have you heard from him atall ?

Bumble no😞 my friend said tonight leave it and if he hasn't messaged by the weekend send him something.. As much as I really want to try and figure things out that lack of anything will tell me everything.. Sigh.

Do you feel like you want/need to contact him, or could you wait until he needs to contacts you over the 'thing' you have of his, thus keeping control for yourself, iyswim.

I am sorry rhubarb x

OP. There is something seriously amiss here. I've not read all the thread but I'm going to give you some advice.

Have a very good think that if he came back, would you want him considering the length of the relationship and how hes behaved.

I'm sure another must have said it but breaking up out of the blue is HIGHLY indicative.

Is he usually so PA?

And because I know how devastated you are. You truly deserve better than this.

OP honestly no contact is best. In fact what I did was, I put all his things in a bag and dropped it round. I didn't ring the bell or anything I just put it on the doorstep. If you dont want to do that you an drop it at his reception at work. The other thing I have done is packed all the stuff up and messaged saying your stuff his here can you come and get it at 7 I'll put it outside at five to. There are a million ways of getting him his things back. A friend can even help. I honestly think at this stage no contact is best. Believe me of he wants you he will bang your door down and fight til the end. BUT he won't do that and won't realise this until he knows your gone. If he knows you are a mess he still knows he has you. I know it is hard but you have to fake it til you make it. I know there are times you feel desperate and like all you want is him and the only thing that can fix it is if he comes back. I get it. It will get better, this just happened. Give it time. I promise it will be ok.

Dont wait for him to contact and dont contact him. If you contact him it will set you back. You may feel better in the moment but you'll feel far worse and have to start again in the long run.

He doesn't sound like he's capable of giving you the answers you need.

Ruderidinghood has good advice.

Take it if you can, but don't feel bad if you can't.

💐 for you @rhubarb39

Is it possible that you are showing more consideration for him, with the 'bits and bobs' he has perhaps inadvertently left behind that he did for you when he threw your whole relationship away?

I would encourage you to shift your focus away from him as quickly as you can do so. Start thinking about something different, ideally something to look forward to. Forget keeping track of 'when he last messaged ' or anything about him.

He has shown you that he is not worth your focus and attention. Best rip off the plaster quickly. All the best.

Thanks all.. I know you're right and I wont be contacting him, as much as I want to because without sounding childish 'he started this' this whole meltdown moment has resulted in this, he's clearly not happy and no as people have said doesn't have the ability to deal with how to sort it. Probably because he doesn't want to.. I would never push anyone into anything they didn't feel happy with.
His 'thing' I found in the suitcase is an odd one really.. Its something he will miss and notice isn't there.. I'd imagine by now as he was off yesterday. The odd thing is he checked the suitcase before I left and specifically looked in this part I found it in as I saw him.. There is of course a possibility he didn't see it.. In fact that will be it.. I'm just sadly trying to cling onto anything I guess.
He doesn't want to fight and won't be banging my doors down.. If he wants his stuff back he can come and get it but I'm not holding hope and even then it's only because he wants that. To me this is a huge shock.. To him hes dealt with it in his head so he's OK as such

Don't be tempted to message about his stuff and if he messages you just put the stuff in your doorstep.