So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

Just be upfront with his dad.
Did you have a nice time?
No. You son dumped me on the first day here...

I just feel sad he ruined your holiday. I hope you can arrange a long weekend for yourself.

Did you ever find out what his deal was? Why he wanted to end things?

I'm sorry OP, this sounds very hard to deal with. Enjoy the last day , it's your holiday after all, and maybe when back look to book another break just for you

Thanks all. Just to clarify I'm still away, last day, early departure tomorrow, I've estimated I should be back at mine for around 1pm. A very close friend of mine lives 2 mins away, I'll be seeing her when back hopefully. My dd is back from working abroad too, she has no idea, she will be so upset as really liked him😔
Also just to clarify.. Not that it matters now but it was a few days in when he spoke to me.. The body language was awful initially hence me sitting him down asking what was wrong.
I feel so utterly torn.. I desperately want him to change back to the man I fell in love with.. Can't believe I got this all so wrong.
I suspect he will ask to go out later, he has done for the last few despite the day silence. Part of me thinks f it, dress up, have a nice meal.. Leave him remembering what he's missing.. The other part of me thinks 'who are you kiddi g.. He doesn't care'
As for his dad.. A friend offered to collect me.. Its very kind of her but for the 10 minute journey I'm going to just go with it.

OP, I’ll admit that I haven’t read every single post on here but is your partner having a breakdown of some sort? When my MH was in real crisis I told my DH that I wanted to leave him and my best friend that I didn’t feel we were really that close. All complete crap of course but it was how my mind was making me feel.
As other posters have said, he could just be a heartless idiot of course.
I hope you are able to do whatever is best for you.

Granny I really don't know. I know he's struggling with bits.. As I've told him if he learnt to speak to me.. Someone.. Anyone it may have helped. Whats ironic is he says I never talk.. Yet I do and that's construed as 'never relaxing', or 'being serious' basically I can't win
I'm sorry for what you felt.. How did things turn out in the end?

For the sake of 10minutes I would absolutely let your friend pick you up. Don’t give him any more of our time or control or feel that you have to pretend. Agree with the previous poster who said when asked if you have a good one said to reply “no your son dumped me”.

I’m having counselling and am on some fairly strong meds now. I still have to be strict with my thoughts and not allow them to make me want to push everyone away. DH and friend both very supportive and there are now more good days than bad.
Is it worth you both seeing a counsellor when you get home?

Hug without sounding like I'm making excuses my friends having a bit of a tough time at the mo for a few reasons.. Although only a 10 min drive from the airport to the house I still then have to get home which is another 45 mins. I'd feel like I was putting her out.. And I also think why should I.. Maybe the wrong attitude.
I have been through far worse than this.. But the hardest part is being with someone who knows that, that you're in love with.. Thats tough😭

Don't go out tonight with him if you are serious about it being over. You can surely see ow it will pan out. Do get dressed up and go out though.

Mspavil and that's where it gets confusing.. Because I 'think' he wants to work things out.. Then again he could get back and totally blank me forever. The test will be when he realises he's on his own and how fun I was.. Then again he won't will he because he's stubborn and clearly likes his silence (even though he's saying he doesn't he can't seem to bring himself to speak)... Oh fuck knows.. Maybe I want to go out and have a decent meal in nights and don't want to sit upset on my own.. Sigh

Of course he does. His break up and break gown are part of his grooming you. He wants you grateful/and or anxious going forward. Whether he is doing it knowingly or not that is what is going on. And who he is. He is also the lovely man you remember. However none of us would be with abusive men if they were not nice part or most of the time. Especially in the first few years.

I know you are resistant to what I am saying. But bear it in mind whatever you decide to do going forward. As I said why not scrub up and get out for a few drinks yourself. Still let's him see what he's missing.

This is all.very sad. You sound like a sensitive lady with good communication skills and lots of love to give.
It's really hard when you love a man and he treats you badly it takes time to get your head around it and move on. They are (generally) so bad at communicating they are their own worst enemy. it sounds like you deserve better whether thats with someone else or independent on your own at least for a while . Hope you feel better when you get home x

Break down.

Thank you. We've just cleaned the apt and packed.. I was doing so well. Then he decided to come and sit next to me and ask me what I wanted to do.. I just shrugged as wasn't sure what he was referring to (dinner I'd imagine)
He then started rubbing my leg (because he cares about me not for any other reason I'm sure) and I burst into tears. He said he didn't know what to say, sat with me for a while and is now in the shower. I feel so utterly drained and upset. Back home to the cold and rain and a ridiculas houred job😩😢😭

@rhubarb39 take this chance to make some new choices. Get rid of him, get rid of your overstretched job and find some things that make you happy. This could be a real watershed for you.

This all sounds so painful for you. I don’t know what to say to you other than I’m thinking about you. At least you’ll be home soon

Honestly @rhubarb39 I think you will be happier without him. Someone who can make you feel this miserable is not your soul mate.

However, I know it’s easy for me to say this. I feel so sad for you. You don’t deserve this.

Keep strong.

@Newstart has put it perfectly - Someone who can make you feel this miserable is not your soulmate. You've done extremely well. Kept your head up, not rushed back into his arms. Well done you. Go home, spend a bit of time on your own, see your family and friends, sleep on it for a bit and then come to your conclusion. It all feels like doom and gloom now, but it isn't.

I've been following but not posted yet. I was with someone for 11 years who pulled these stunts. I wish after the first one I'd told him to fuck off. You will forever now be wondering what he might spring on you, and he'll do it again. Different versions of the same theme.

I know that's not what you want to hear but just consider the abject disregard for you and your feelings, your self respect and your long awaited break from work, the money you'd spent. The prioritisation of him and his he feels. This relationship will forever be framed around him now and you will now be on eggshells, never being sure if he loves you. It can work, it did for me for many years, but I was a shadow of myself by the end.

The last time my ex did it we had just moved house to another COUNTRY, had a minor row on a night out and he woke me up the following morning and told me it was over and left me to pack, get a plane ticket and move back to England. And yes he came running back with his tail between his legs a couple of months later at which point I emailed him in capital letters what amounted to FUCK OFF. If I was you right now, I'd skip the next decade of this shit and tell your dp that as soon as you're off the plane

Hey, well I'm home. Really haven't got much energy to go into the last day or so but it was mostly silence which has drained me. The airport was hard, the getting to his was harder as I anxiously wondered if his dad was picking us up.. Turns out for whatever reason he didn't (I didn't ask) and we got a taxi back.
I walked in, unpacked his stuff from my case, collected my things and came down. He commented that the milk wasn't great and he'd goa nd get some more.. I said could he hold on 5 mins and I'd leave at the same time... Imagine my shock when he asks me to stay for a cup of tea?? I was literally speechless after a 6hr journey in silence.. Why would he think having a cup of tea would help?.. So I looked at him and said 'I'd love to say it's been fun.. But it hasn't'.. He asked me numerous times to stay and I just walked out. That's got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.. And I've been through some stuff. I got home, saw my dd and a friend and cried a lot.. I feel so very lost and sad. He hasn't messaged at all.. I may never hear from him again and I feel so heartbroken at that thought even if it is for the best😭
Thank you for everyone's input.. It has helped me get through a very hard few days

Good for you! Must've taken some strength bet you're bloody exhausted !

Oh my goodness that's just weird! Why on earth did he think you would stay for a cuppa?

Oh God I have nothing but unMumsnetty hugs Rhubarb. You've done so well, cry it out .