So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

The most likely reason it seems he has click back into being 'normal' is because he already worked through his emotions before he dropped the bombshell on rhubarb39 that the relationship is over.

How much longer do you have before you get home rhubarb, try and enjoy whats left off your holiday.

Apparantly he never wanted us to be 'over' he just dealt with telling me how he felt in an awful way. Either way he wasnt happy and as I sat and calmly told him I'd never want to make anyone unhappy he looked panicked like I was ending things. Tbh I've lost the will.. I don't have a clue anymore and know that being around each other isn't helping due to me feeling like I should be happy and can't be. I suspect he will walk in his house, feel a sigh of relief of being on his own and that will be it.. 3 years gone just like that😭

When do you go home? What an awful situation he put you in.

None of this is your fault OP. You are reacting as best you can to a dreadful situation. He caused it- not you - and whilst I'm sure some mumsnetters would have been on the first flight home or booked into a 5 star spa hotel, it sounds like you had limited options due to costs.

Hope you get home safely.

I think you do what will make you the happiest for these last few days, doesn't sound like it's spending time with him...
Get yourself home and have some space.
That was an awful experience, some couldn't come back from it, others sound like they could if he can get a handle on his feelings and make sense.
Most of what you've written after speaking to him makes no sense to me at all.
Good luck.

I had a friend whose partner, after a seemingly ideal couple of years, suddenly announced he hadn't been happy for some time. Friend was devastated and sobbed at mine for hours. She returned home and partner put his arm around her and asked was she OK and what was wrong! They then had 'the talk' a few days later ( friend had gone off sick, lost weight and cried constantly) and, guess what...? Partner said he 'hadn't meant it' He'd been having a shit time at work and she'd taken it all out of context.
She fell gratefully back into the relationship and they acted as if nothing had happened, then it happened again and again until the relationship was so toxic, my friend such a shell of herself and she had lost almost all her friends.
OP please don't forget that he told you he hasn't been happy for sometime. Whether you jumped to conclusions and thought that meant he'd dumped you and wrote as such or here or not only you know. I know I wouldn't ever want to be with someone who wasn't happy to be with me, however I hope I'd support someone if they were just trying to discuss with me about their general unhappiness.
I've posted on this thread because I think this sounds like the beginning of the end and this will be the pattern set in the relationship now. I hope your journey home goes well

And he picks the first day of tour holiday to tell you how he's feeling? He managed to hold it in and not say anything until you were on holiday. Has ruined your holiday by creating this drama and now he's saying that he wasnt finishing it,just telling you how he was feeling?

There's something seriously wrong here and it's the kind of stunt toxic/narcissistic people pull. My ex MIL who is a narcissist did things like tell us ex's dad was terminally I'll with cancer just before we went on a dream holiday. Then, because we still went, phoned whimst we were there saying she'd been admitted to hospital because she had had a heart attack. Basically whenever there was something special and important she would either create something before or during and end up spoiling or trying to spoil the occasion.

I'm not saying your dp is like this but any normal human being who even cares a little bit about someone would have approached this differently. Sucked it up until the end of the holiday or talked about it before going to try and resolve it so you could enjoy your holiday.

Time for I won't allow this to repeatedly happen. Everyone (usually) deserves a 2nd chance, he's explained.. I'm thinking..
Musti it was a few days in, the body language and lack of things made me question what was wrong and it went from there.

rhubarb, after you came on mine I've read your thread.

You know my situation and where I am in my head, so I'm not going to say anything about what you should be thinking or feeling or doing.

My only advice would be to wait until you get home and then have a good long think in normal surroundings.

You've essentially got what I'm hoping for - that second chance.

But really make sure it's what you want, and that you don't leave yourself vulnerable.

Oh god, there's no real coming back from this is there? He's treated you horribly over a sustained period of this holiday. It's not just a drunken row.

I say that as someone who once convinced myself my xh was being a twat because he'd had a bump to the head. It wasn't the bump, he was just a twat.

The meal was probably for the best in the long run. He didn't understand fidiot that he can't just dump his fleeting doubts on to you and then expect you to be FINE later because he is fine. He sounds so immature and lacking in empathy.

It's not your job to run around to try and make him happy. You never will and you'll just end up being unhappy yourself.

A good relationship shouldn't be like this. He ruined your holiday and it doesn't sound to me like he particularly regrets that.

He communicated badly and ruined what could have been a wonderful holiday. I think you need to contemplate long and hard about how this person deals with things in times of struggle and how it makes you feel. Tbh 3 years and ending is better than 10 years.

Well it's been pretty silent tbh.. He's made me the odd cup of tea.. Tonight I jump in the shower and he seemed to think that meant we were going out for dinner.. Queue me sending him out on his own. He's not long got back in, is in the lounge.
I've just been reading a post re sulking.. How do we determine if they are 'sulking' or merely 'thinking'? I'm equally as silent.. Does that mean I'm sulking?! Interested that's all

To me sulking is meant with malice, as a punishment?

Again. Look at Freedom Programme. Why not?.

Smallbox I thought maybe you were right.. A second chance and all that.. But going by the literal silence I now know its not the case. I'm pretty sure he's feeling like me and just wanting to get home. Like you I feel so utterly devastated..i can't cry anymore.. I don't know what to say or do.. Its the most awful feeling
Manky yes I understand, he will say he's now speaking as is thinking and doesn't know what to say.. Despite me saying this was all his doing and he should be making the effort.. The silence speaks volumes... That is until he thinks we're going out for dinner and says 'it doesn't have to be silent' I despair.
He got in, I asked him where he was sleeping as the light was shining through.. He asked where I wanted him to sleep, I said I didn't care. He got into bed, I got out within 5 mins of his snoring and am on the sofa..cant believe how adrenaline can keep you going for hours on end😔

When are you home my lovely?

So he's ruined your holiday, broken your heart and now he seems to want to sweep it all under the carpet and have his behaviour forgotten? Even if it were a huge mistake and error of judgement and over sensitivity on his part, surely he should be bending over backwards to try to make you feel wanted, full of apologies for what he did? Sounds like he's in a state of 'get over it, I said I'm sorry'...

FWIW, a previous ex did this to me. Told me he wanted out of the relationship only to backtrack half an hour later, watch me dance around trying to smooth his life so he never felt that stressed and desperate again, only to leave six months later. He's broken it beyond all repair and that's on him.
Safe travels home, OP, and I hope you can get over him in very short order.

I agree. Giving him the massive benefit of the doubt that he's got all this wrong and didn't want to break up with you, where's his heartfelt apology, the actions showing you he loves you etc.
I'm not sure I could be with someone who didn't try to put such a massive cockup right.

Your post saying it was your fault is so so wrong. How can he say these things to you then expect to get back together and then he wants you to do the chasing to get back together? He’s made you think that you need to win him back!

So did you have a nice holiday OP?

Were you glad you "stuck it out" ?

Sounds like you had a horrendous time.

Hope you can start to move forward once you get home.

Hi, thanks all.
Yes I totally agree.. Wheres the 'trying' part.. I've had numerous 'sorrys' just don't think that quite cuts it. He definately doesn't like to think he's upset anyone so this silence will be justified by 'leaving me alone' the silence is absolute torture and I'm at breaking point.
I'm waiting for him to get out of the bathroom to put some deoderant on then I'm going to go out and get a few bits.. If he wants silence he can at least be left on his own to have it.
Last day, dreading the journey home tomorrow, more so because his dad's picking us up and that's going to be really hard😭

Try to make the most of your last day. If you don't already have some, buy some good headphones, download an audiobook and listen to that all the way back. Grit your teeth for he car ride, collect your stuff, then you don't need to ever see him again.

Is it possible you could get a friend to pick you up ( if a taxi isn't feasible)? I know you have stuff at his but you could arrange to get it or even go with friend tomorrow.

Be prepared for an attempt at reconciliation tonight before you go back. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he did that.