So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

[rhubarb39]

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

If you feel you must give him another chance, be sure to tell him that it can't happen again.

If you feel you must give him another chance, be sure to tell him that it can't happen again

Giving him another chance is giving him the green for it to happen again. And again and again.

Yeah but if it happens again she can get rid of him (if she decides to stay this time.)

Lots of people have mental health crises/blips. It doesn't necessarily mean writing them off completely, if they then make a genuine effort to seek help of every kind, which they stick with and keep trying every possible avenue. People can improve/stop their crappy behaviour if it's due to psychological or mental health issues, and not do unacceptable stuff again.

Everyone has their limits and these vary. I might give someone a chance if they're otherwise usually ok, and they make a commitment to preventing it. I wouldn't put up with it and other unacceptable behaviours repeatedly or for long, though.

Okay, haven’t RTFT yet but I was your DP in this situation 7 years ago so the ‘background’ is incredibly relevant.

My ex boyfriend paid for a holiday for us but had spent the precious two years cheating on me with all and sundry. Teenage me let it go again and again. I had an epiphany the morning before the holiday, realised I wanted to live my life and not with him. I went on the holiday because it was already paid for and I wanted to spite him for all he’d done to me. I got drunk on the third or fourth day, dumped him and he responded by smashing up my phone, snapping my bank card and destroying my passport so I had to go and get an emergency one from the Embassy.

I wasn’t the arsehole in this situation, so context is important.

Thanks again for everyone's replys, good, bad, if I feel right or wrong I do appreciate angles I may not have thought about/noticed.

As a bigger picture I guess I see us as 3 years.. No major issues.. As I said a family blip (my side) work issues (my side) and a moving logistics (my side) no I am not blaming myself by the way I'm just saying the stress has been my side..other than that we've spent every single weekend together bar a couple, Christmas's, had holidays trips etc and all good for all that time and I hand on heart have 95% of the time been very happy with him hence me being so shocked. His reasons are that he doesn't deal with stuff like I do.. I'm as hard as nails though, I've had a life like you wouldnt believe if I wrote it out BUT I am also not stupid and know when I'm being taken for a mug/humoured etc.. Hence me leaving my stalker ex who quite frankly would have carried the games on for years if I let him.
Yes I love him.. But this does not mean I will stay with him if things don't seem right.. Life is too short.
Some of the posts on here I read and I think if people had maybe talked to each other more it would have eliviated a lot of issues.. Who knows.. All I know is if he'd spoke to me about how everything was getting too much we would have more than likely had a lovely first week.. For that I'm really cross and upset still and he knows it.

I think a lot of people read posts on here and like playing a game on PS or watching eastenders, we want a bit of drama.

Yes, some might read and see something glaring at them that others of us don't see, which colours their responses.

Ultimately, you're the one who has to live the rest of your life. Not us. Yes, we can be a sounding board, but that's it. We're not your friends, we don't necessarily have your best interests at heart and we don't know the whole story.

What your relationship seems to be lacking (which is a good thing) is drama. There's no elaborate walking out, violence, locking of doors, stomping home, refusing to engage etc. So to me (who comes from that sort of relationship history), you both sound level headed.

I guess the question for me is if there is still love and attraction on his side. That would be my only question as that is the only thing you can't get over. If that's missing, you're fucked.

I'm not sure whether he has mentioned that. I'm skimmed rather than read as I mainly read the posts telling you to pack a bag and go home.

That you're talking is good. Maybe some counselling would help. You haven't mentioned or gone into detail (nor should you) about what he feels the issues are, but perhaps counselling might help.

It's a marriage, it's not a teenage romance. (Well I think you're married - maybe not).

It all sounds pressured. Can you take a hiatus until the end of the holiday where you agree to be civil etc. and address it when you're both on home turf?

So you are back together and about to walk off into the sunset together.

Good luck with that.

Someone told me many years ago (when I was desperately trying to win back the affections of a man who dumped me but due to my persistence and availability kept stringing me along in a half hearted "relationship") that he should be moving heaven and Earth to ensure I felt secure, loved and wanted. He'd dumped me, broken my heart, made me feel like utter shit and he needed to try to fix that. He couldn't just 'change his mind' and pick me up like a toy. Sadly I didn't listen to this very sage advice!

The reality was - I was there, I was available, I was amenable as I just wanted to go back to happier times and this man didn't have to make any effort, he didn't have to try, he didn't have to put in any thought or give me any consideration. He didn't make things up to me, he never showed any remorse for any upset he caused. He seemed to think I was lucky he had reconsidered his position!!

I wish I'd cut him off (and I fucking well did eventually) the moment he had gone cold on our relationship. I wish I'd been stronger and had a bit more self respect.

So yeah good luck OP, you are going to need it!

Sounds like you’ve made your decision OP. Best of luck.

thanks for your reply.
No were not married, I could walk away today if I wished.. Its obviously not but again I won't be treated like a doormat.
My friends and daughter think he's amazing, just like I did.. If it wasn't for this I'd be happy as.
I'm going to get through being away and assess when home..

Yes, home turf is a better place to address this. Then you've your usual support network around you and you can see your options more clearly (including leaving him).
What a shit holiday though. I'm usually the person this sort of shit happens too but I'm volatile and reactionary.
Enjoy the sun for now. That's why you're there. I know you didn't need heartbreak on your holiday but it has happened.
You're dealing with it calmly. I'd have slammed doors, probably broken everything in the hotel, locked him in and got on the first flight home. (not to be recommended).
When you're home, talk to him, talk to your family, talk to YOURSELF, ask yourself what YOU want and what YOU CAN ACCEPT and take it from there.
On holiday away from everyone is not the place to address this.
Get some sun on your face, TRY to relax and it can be looked at at a later date.

And I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Lifeonvenus thank you that reply means a lot

I for the record did not suggest you leave/go home I'm not saying LTB even now. I and others are suggesting you step back and look at the wider picture. Many have flagged up the possibity of abuse That's all.

Interestingly you focus on the replies that chime with your own thoughts whilst ignoring in the main the others.

I am not having a go but if you are so sure of your position why not at least engage with the possibility that the other explanation is right? If only to dismiss it.

Only a complete bastard would dump you on holiday. No excuses. It would be finished for me whatever pathetic reasons he gives.

Mspavli I'm not ignoring other replies.. I of course want to pretend this never happened but it has so I'm trying to deal with it next I can. I guess the replies that say leave, don't believe him etc will take my mind right back to a few days agai when I was a mess. It doesn't mean in my head I believe or will accept what he's said but right now I'm trying to make the best of being away with little support until I can think clearly and selfishly enjoy what's left of this holiday.

Yes. But you are engaging with the replies that favour believing him/ working it out which suggests you want to take him at face value. Again I haven't said to leave. I have said you cannot say he is not an abuser (cannot of anyone) and your relationship history means you are more not less likely to find yourself in another abusive one. And pre isely at the moment you articulate your previous abuse he pulls this.

I know you love him. I am simply saying please think about what we are saying. Have you googled Freedom Programme? Even looking online can be helpful.

FFS she's on holiday. She doesn't have her Mum or her sister or her best friend to pop around to for a cup of tea.
That can all be done when she gets home.
For now, she needs to get through a few more days where her boyfriend has told her he doesn't love her.
Let's leave it at that.

From what I am understanding things have shifted since his dumping and "breakdown".

Get through the holiday in any way you can.

When is your birthday op?

He's not saod he doesn't love me, he's saod he's found it overwhelming trying to deal with certain situations. Yes I'm on my own (despite him saying he always felt I was his best friend) and I need to try and get through this till home

FFS she's on holiday. She doesn't have her Mum or her sister or her best friend to pop around to for a cup of tea

This.

So you're back together. Who knew ?

He will keep giving you this shit for as long as you keep taking this shit.

He's laughing at you for being desperate. That's why he treats you like this. He's got no respect for you, certainly no love.

You've resumed your physical relationship of course, I assume.

He can't lose can he ?

Has OP actually said they're back together? Or is she just listening to his "excuses" and reasons and trying to muddle through until she gets home? I got the impression she didn't know what she had decided.

OP hasn't said they're back together.