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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So my dp has just broken up with me on holiday..

821 replies

rhubarb39 · 05/10/2019 19:55

Can't believe I'm writing this.. On a foreign holiday and he's broken up with me..there is background but nothing I felt enough to get to this point.. There is no emotion from him, he knew he was going to do it but said 'we both needed a holiday'.. I'm feeling very lost right now

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 06/10/2019 21:20

My XH did this to me. We'd gone away on a weekend break but stayed in this country thankfully, on the second evening he told me he was leaving me. Out of the blue, having spent the journey there telling me how we were getting stronger and stronger.

Turned out he'd been planning it for weeks. Said that, if we'd stayed at home he wouldn't have had the nerve to end it and would have just carried on. Now I can see he was probably right to have gone,. but it's taken me eight fucking years to be able to say that.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 06/10/2019 21:22

He thought he'd get a shag, OP. I predicted this upthread.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/10/2019 21:22

I had a sneaking suspicion you were going to get back together. Do you feed each others' drama ?

Original poster
rhubarb39 · 06/10/2019 21:25

Zapho I'm so sorry
Marian he didn't and never tried anything he dozed off quickly, I then got up
Too early we aren't back together, I just wrote that I got up and I'm in the lounge

OP posts:
Jan664 · 06/10/2019 21:30

Sounds like immature mind games to me x

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/10/2019 21:32

he didn't and never tried anything he dozed off quickly, I then got up

He still thinks he's got the right to get in to bed with you ? Entitled twat.

Also, why is he talking to you now after giving you pretty much the silent treatment for the last few days.

In his mysoginistic mind, the thinks you're hanging round waiting for the break up shag or, at least, one for the road.

Original poster
rhubarb39 · 06/10/2019 21:34

Jan I'm not making excuses before anyone else says but there is clearly a huge lack of communication between us.. I've heard stuff tonight that's made me so upset and frustrated as would have eliminated this happening. He admits he's awful at talking nd should probably not have started a relationship as he can't deal with lots of aspects (like I can't see that) for those reasons there's no going back and as heartbreaking as it is I'm glad he at least spoke to me and told me how he felt

OP posts:
madcatsazz · 06/10/2019 21:38

Rhubarb I think you absolutely did do the right thing by talking to him. You need to understand what happened to be able to process things. It sounds like it's actually helped you. Sorry you're going through this. I won't offer any advice because only you know the whole situation and there are obviously loads of little details we don't know. You will get through this though. You're doing great

ToEarlyForDecorations · 06/10/2019 21:40

probably not have started a relationship as he can't deal with lots of aspects

He's some sort of train wreck, isn't he ?

Walk away and keep walking. If you can, you are vulnerable at present and he was made you that way with how he has broken up with you. He described himself as hard work. He was self aware enough to basically warn you off. You stayed and accepted the advisory which just gave him the green light to act like that.

Jan664 · 06/10/2019 21:41

I know it's hard especially on holiday it sounds like you deserve better. He has mental issues . Hes not worth it its his loss. Show you are okay he wont like that. Stay strong x

Original poster
rhubarb39 · 06/10/2019 21:42

Madcatz thank you. I sound like my ex now (stalker) who I left and all he wanted was 'closure'
I never understood why it was such a big deal.. I get it.. I really do get why it was such a huge thing.. Yet I just walked away.. Feeling pretty messed up over that in ways.
The long and short is I love him.. He was a huge factor in my life and I couldn't just say seeya later without asking what his reasons were. We never know entirely what people are thinking.. We're both a bit insecure and as he says over think hugely but I now need to focus on the next few days and getting home

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 06/10/2019 21:44

Time to leave op. He is playing you.

Original poster
rhubarb39 · 06/10/2019 21:54

Tooearly he's got some issues yes.. Its very hard to try and understand too so I've told him I sympathise but clearly can't help his feelings as it's how he feels (as he tells me)
Jan yes I've just been messaging a friend, I've said tomorow I wake up and I hold my head high. I can't get the flight changed so am stuck in ways BUT I have a tiny thought that he thinks we can work this out..(the hand hold) We can't..if he's thinking that then he's in for a shock.. Probably though all he's doing is being 'nice' who knows anymore

OP posts:
SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 06/10/2019 22:01

OP I am so sorry being blindsided like this is horrendous. Are you able to call a mate, a sister or mum or someone? Be really good to have some support for you and help you see clearly over these days.

Really though you need to take control, get your stuff and leave, I feel tortured just thinking about some stranger in the internet going through this. To stay is an epic mindfuck. Get your stuff and go, anywhere.

madcatsazz · 06/10/2019 22:56

Rhubarb you're welcome. It takes a little time to get your head round something this monumental. Give yourself breathing room and time and make choices or decisions in your own time. You're already sounding stronger.

As for your ex, whilst he colours the person you are now it doesn't change the way you have responded. It's completely normal for you to ask for answers when a bombshell like this is dropped which is what you have done. It is not normal to turn that into stalking/harassment which is how your ex behaved. You are not like him and these two situations are very different. Don't let yourself get sidetracked by all that as well.

You're doing well Rhubarb. Good luck

Secondsight · 06/10/2019 23:06

He sounds totally mixed up and needs to sort his head out. Be strong. Smile

LovePoppy · 07/10/2019 00:32

Oh goody

We e already reached the part where you get to comfort him

LovePoppy · 07/10/2019 00:33

If only you were less stressful he’d love you

OP, please find your self respect and leave him

Musti · 07/10/2019 00:43

Will people stop banging on about this self respect bollocks! She has every right to talk to him to find out what the hell happened and why. She's also on a long awaited holiday that probably cost a lot and isn't just going to spend time and money and more stress trying to go home.

OP, i would have wanted some answers too and it sounds like things are clearer in your head now and regardless of what he says or does now, you know that it has ended at least on your part. Hope your enjoy the rest of the holiday and you can leave him to wallow.

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/10/2019 00:58

How old are you both?
Think I'm mixing 2 threads in my head at moment!

LovePoppy · 07/10/2019 01:32

It’s not about not talking to him

It’s about him blaming her for the issues

Monty27 · 07/10/2019 04:42

China in his hand.
Take control OP.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 07/10/2019 07:32

Oh goody

We e already reached the part where you get to comfort him

Sigh...... yes, yes we did.

NewStart571 · 07/10/2019 08:08

Yes OP. DO NOT COMFORT THIS MAN.

He has ditched you in a foreign country without a second thought.

Make it about you now and how you’re doing. Focus on yourself.

incognitomum · 07/10/2019 08:28

Did I miss how long you've been together?

Agree don't comfort him!

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