Am I wrong to be upset by this omission?

[HeyHayley]

I have been in a relationship for 14 months, after having been single for 3.5 years since separating from my husband. I have 3 DC and their father walked away from us all. The DC recently met my partner and they all get on better than I could have hoped. DP has been kind and very generous since we met; he has appreciated that I need to put the DC first and taken time off to see me whenever possible when they're sleeping/at school. He paid for me to take them on holiday during the summer. He sends flowers each week and messages all day, though has never pestered me - it's always been reciprocal.

Every year in September he goes on holiday and we had a night away after a zoo trip booked for the day he got back. We had a great time and I was so excited about the potential for the future. Before he went on holiday I asked if he was looking forward to it, his plans when there and so on but he was pretty vague and didn't talk much about it. He messaged me as much as normal when there. When he got back he just talked about how much he missed me, but not really about the holiday.

Today I was showing my friend photos from our zoo trip as she's thinking of taking her DC and she suddenly went very quiet. Turns out she had seen DP before (she hasn't met him) on one of her friends Instagram. I'm not on social media. The photos she'd seen were from his holiday. I'd presumed he was going with several friends but in every photo it's clearly just the two of them and you would clearly presume they're a couple.

He has mentioned her before, said she's an old colleague and a good friend. I have absolutely no problem with him having female friends but surely it's a bit off not to mention they were going on holiday just the two of them? Or is it to be expected as I didn't directly ask who he was going with?

I feel it would be out of order if he asked what I was doing, I said watching a film and it later transpired I had a male friend over but hadn't mentioned it as he hadn't asked. Surely this is similar?

We had just booked to take the kids away during the summer and he seemed so committed to our future but now I've found out about this omission it's totally thrown me. What do you think?

Sorry but there's literally no reasonable explanation for this. It's a huge lie by omission. It can't be anything but dodgy.

At best he's too immature to handle a difficult conversation. At worst he's a duplicitous pig.

Either way, bail. I'm sorry.

Please talk to him and find out what he has to say.

Make a decision based on that.

I'd casually ask him about his holiday first, before letting on to him that anything was wrong. You need to know if he's deliberately being deceitful.

If he lies about who he was with, then you know he's a liar.

If he tells you the truth, you need to tell him how if makes you feel. And ask if he'd be ok if the situation was the other way round.

It's so bizarre that after 14 months you didn't know who he was holidaying with.

If you saw each other every day and texted constantly he'd have had to go some to avoid mentioning it.

Please don't just let him off this without an explanation which is plausible. (And good luck to him with that.) You may as well just write mug across your forehead if you do.

This is extremely strange. He may not be in a relationship with her exactly but this is more than just a good friend who you have no feelings for, if that was the case he'd be upfront about it and probably reassure you because he would be aware how it would look to many people.

He does seem to have gone to pains to avoid telling you. What did your friend say, surely if this friend of hers was showing her all these pictures she said something like oh this is my holiday with so and so?

This man is quite the manipulator. He disparages this woman to throw you off the scent and then secretly goes on holiday with her. He sends you flowers weekly and constantly messages while deceiving you. He lets you assume that he went with a group, but their photos feature only landscapes and a cozy party of 2.

He will likely give you a song & dance that he withheld the truth to keep you from getting jealous like his ex did. Please do not allow this manipulation and blame shifting. You deserve an honest relationship with a trustworthy man.

How are you today HeyHayley ?
Have you had some space and time to sort yourself out ?