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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I never met the right one for me and this is it

132 replies

RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:02

Just as the title says. All my friends are married and most with kids.

I’ve done the usual stuff, got a career, a house, traveled, joined clubs, go to the gym. I’m not a model but I had male attention.

I’ve stopped online dating. Never found anyone I fell for. I’m just so sad. This is it for me now. Just the same old shit everyday, the same stuff I’ve been doing for years on end.

How do I deal with this? I can’t live the rest of my life this way

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2019 22:05

What makes you think you have no chance at finding a relationship? How old are you, op?

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:07

Because my last long term relationship ended over 4 years ago. I have dated and dated and dated. I don’t want to anymore, it just makes me sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:07

I’m 36

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 04/10/2019 22:07

I’m sorry you’re feeling despondent. I can’t tell you I understand how you feel, but I am married and I feel incredibly lonely when I’m with my husband. Marriage is not always good.
If you want your own family you don’t need a husband for that!
In life I believe we have to aim for purpose, not happiness.

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:09

It’s too late for children now. I don’t want to adopt or do it on my own.

I just don’t know how to face the rest of my life living in what looks like luxury from the outside but is actually horrendously sad. I can fly anywhere on holiday or buy whatever I want and it means absolutely nothing and means just years and years of hiding behind distractions that money can buy while waiting for it all to be over

OP posts:
Intheheat · 04/10/2019 22:15

Why are you so anti adoption or sperm donation? I know it's tough doing it solo but it sounds as if you want the demands and restrictions that caring for children brings.

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:17

I just don’t want to do it alone. I want someone in my life there with me. It’s just me on my own and I don’t want to live like that for the rest of my days

OP posts:
Amy326 · 04/10/2019 22:24

I understand why you feel like that but just to echo a pp, many people in marriages feel lonely and trapped. So don’t look at everyone else thinking they have happy perfect lives because you just don’t know what the real situation is. Love could come along at any age, you are still young. Focus on loving yourself and making yourself happy.

Orangepearl · 04/10/2019 22:27

You are really young still, get out there and have few dates a week, you will find someone.

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:28

Thanks but I’m not young. Most of my friends married over a decade ago. The reality is that I will be one of those people who is alone. I haven’t met anyone significant in four years. And I’ve dated. I don’t know how to face the same shit for much longer.

Tonight I’ve eaten out, drank wine when home, read a book, watched tv, had a bath, tidied up. The same as I do every week. None of it is nice or fun it’s just lonely

OP posts:
1WayOrAnother · 04/10/2019 22:29

I was lonely and trapped in a shit marriage for years. I couldn't make ny own decisions or see my friends when I wanted. Try to get a different perspective on your life. You're still young, don't waste your best years being miserable because of some imagined theory that everyone else has a great relationship. Flowers

Scratchyfluffface · 04/10/2019 22:30

I was single for 7 years before I met my fiancé aged 39. I gave up on OLD but then randomly decided to give it one last go before settling for my single future! If someone wants to be single that's great but it sounds like that isn't you, don't give up

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:31

I’ve dates for years. Some of those dates became brief relationships, most didn’t. It’s shit.

OP posts:
Scratchyfluffface · 04/10/2019 22:31

Maybe just take a break for a while

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:33

Had enough. I had so much love to share and so much I wanted to do with someone. I’ve done most of these things alone like travelling for example, but it’s sad, at least to me, as I would cherish someone sharing it with me

OP posts:
Fairylea · 04/10/2019 22:34

You are never too old to find someone. My mum went online dating in her 60s and had a couple of long term relationships out of it, one of those she ended up living with until she got fed up and dumped him - she said she had got too used to her own space! But she wasn’t short of offers for dates and relationships. She was pretty epic in terms of how many people she met and how many she’d block, she was ruthless and I think you need to be! But it’s just not true that at 36 your dating life is over and you’re going to be alone forever Confused That’s only going to happen if you give up!

Ginger1982 · 04/10/2019 22:35

You're not too old for kids. You could meet someone next year or the year after and beyond and still be able to have them.

Maybe just pull back from dating. Sometimes the right one comes along when you stop looking.

LazyDaisey · 04/10/2019 22:35

Statistically, a large portion of your married friends will divorce. They’ll be single again with you. And I agree about not doing it alone. Nothing feels more overwhelming than having a helpless baby be completely and utterly dependent on you 24/7 for years. The responsibility and fear is crushing.

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:37

I am so fed up. I honesty feel like I will never meet someone. It’s been YEARS since I had any feelings for someone. Barely remember

OP posts:
Orangepearl · 04/10/2019 22:37

I don’t want to sound dismissive but believe me women are fed from an early age about the fairytale. It doesn’t exist.

Relationships are hard work just read all the things written on this board. However I understand you would like to meet someone.

Really you are so young. Not sure where you live but your too young to get married where I am! Don’t give up!

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:39

I wouldn’t have cared about working for a relationship. I wouldn’t have cared about the challenges. I just wanted a go at it. I never expected complete marital bliss

OP posts:
onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 04/10/2019 22:39

My DD felt like you. Then through a series of coincidences she met her current partner. They're now engaged and planning a wedding. You never now what's round the corner.

Original poster
RosyMail · 04/10/2019 22:41

I know it happens but history tells me it won’t for me. I really have tried. Really really. I’ve been upbeat and cheerful, I’ve compromised, been open minded, the lot.

OP posts:
Needsomebottle · 04/10/2019 22:42

I'm sorry you're so fed up, and can understand why. Do you have friends who you socialise with? Is there any way of mixing up your social life? Could you give yourself a new work challenge that might open up different work colleagues and consequently different social circles?

What do you feel is the thing you are missing out on most? If you had to choose? A partner or children? If a partner, can you adapt your social life to meet people? A new hobby or group which might bring new friendships and consequently more? And also you get to do something new as a bonus? If children, yes, the ideal for most people is to do it as a team, but how much of that is because of societal expectations? Of course it's easier with a good capable loving partner to share the load. But don't rule out doing it alone. You can enquire about it and consider it and still don't have to go through with it. It's hard to comprehend how a child makes you feel until you have one (I don't mean that in a boastful way - sorry if it comes across like that) but you might find doing it alone, although tough, would bring such massive reward and love that you would never regret it.

HerkyBaby · 04/10/2019 22:42

Oh OP I was just the same at your age. I could go for an entire weekend without speaking to anyone. You need to do something totally different - learn to mountain bike, sail, play golf, rock climb as it’s clear you need a different circle of friends and need to meet different types of blokes from the usual ones.