Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I have 'postponed' my date. I just wasn't feeling it and I'd rather be excited to go on a date! I told a white lie and said I had to have the kids and could we postpone. He was really nice about it (which made me feel worse) but overall I'm relieved.

Haven't read the full thread - had a crazy week! Will read thread when I have a bath with wine. Just popped in quick to say if anyone is struggling with car stuff then please message me as I'm a mechanic by trade

@KermitRulesOK well I had a flat tyre this morning. I really must learn how to change one myself!

Well, that was interesting. Talk about freaking attracting what you project. We are at similar points in our lives for incredibly different reasons. That's good though.

I want to see him again which could be tomorrow night as he made plans for Sat night 🤬 but I won't be upset if we don't. Let's see.

He's very honest and upfront. I like that.

@crappyday2018 I think when you know, you know... postponing was a good idea because it takes the urgency away from the making a decision. But now you have postponed, how do you really feel about rescheduling?

@saltysally that sounds promising. Honesty is high on my list of qualities to look for in a man. And if he’s on the same page as you in lots of ways that’s potentially a good starting point.

So, my casual interest has very quickly got flirty and started mentioning different sexual things... one in particular 🙄 - one guess...

I think that’s a bad sign.

@Khaleesi hmm no from my limited OLD experience that’s not a great sign. Amber flag at the very least; tread carefully.

Urgh not feeling very positive today. After a couple of matches and two dates lined up for Saturday, I haven’t heard from anyone today. I’m not going to chase. I still miss Mr B. We’d have been meeting this weekend 😔 BUT I’m out tomorrow night with some friends, and possibly dates on Sat, and have just joined a very expensive gym so I’m going to hit that hard. I’m working hard to keep busy.

It’s the quiet evenings that are the most difficult time; I feel so lonely.

@khalessi honesty is really important to me too so it bodes well. Everything he said was the same as I had found online with very little sleuthing too. Will see what happens tomorrow 👀

@khalessi no prizes for guessing what that is however he wouldn't lose marks from me as a FWB for talking about his sexual interests. It's actually really common.

As I said to Mr Green tonight friendswithbenefits isn't Facebook. I want the friends bit but the primary interest is sex.

salty that sounds very promising!

morenice oooh he sounds nice

FMFL it is. Find a great series or a brilliant book, have baths. Drink wine

simon have fun!

Well I have over a hundred likes on OKC but no messages ☹️ but at least I am seeing a few different faces than on tinder and havnt found any of my old fab irons/ friends husbands yet

@KhaleesiTargaryen funny you should say that but I'm not really bothered about rescheduling it now. I'm just going to go with the flow over the next few days and see how I feel. If I still feel the same I won't bother.

@marlbs I found guys tended to wait until I'd matched with them on okcupid. You may need to get swiping.

@KermitRulesOK
Useful person to know!

Morning all. Apologies for starting the day with a rant.
Went back on Tinder last week. Got a match with someone who seemed very nice. Only niggle was that he wasn't long out of a LTR.

Met him last night and we were getting on really well, so I asked about his last relationship. Well, actually, he said, we're back together and have decided to try an open relationship. But I just wanted to meet you as you seemed really interesting.

What!!! Thanks for giving me the choice. Had I known, I wouldn't have met him.
This comes only a few weeks after Mr Friends Only, laid a big guilt trip on me because I said I couldn't be friends.

Why do so many men want to have their cake and eat it?

Front page news on the BBC App!!!

@echoelephant Re-kindled and now open relationship, that’s going to be a success... Not telling you before a date is very shitty, although to be fair it could even be a lie and he is actively trying to cheat.

Happy Friday everyone, not to rub it in but as a part timer the weekend will be here for me as soon as MiniSJT has literally been dragged to school. I was back home fresh as a daisy at 10:30, someone else obviously not so as I got a phone call asking where MrNN lived at 2am, I have a feeling he may not make our friday morning gym session.

Argh @EchoElephant how wrong of him not to let you know this before the date so you could choose whether you wanted to go ahead.

Chancer!!

Sometimes I wish we could leave reviews on people's profiles.

@SimonJT how cool is that, I'll be watching!!!

Bloody hell Echo - I hope his other half knows she's in an 'open' relationship - that would be a no from me!

It's around the time of Mr BCs late wife's death. Apparently her parents come and stay with him every year. And he's been (understandably) a bit distant. I've not been well, so we didn't see each other during the week, I can't fit him in (oooh err) next week and then he's arranged to go away with friends next week. So a combination of the slight distance and the fact that we won't see each other for over two weeks has left me a bit He has really tried to work out a time when he can see me so I know he wants to. I think what's bothering me most is the in laws coming to visit. We'd been talking in a very theoretical way about living together - if we were then would I have to go away for the weekend? Remove myself from what would be my home? Because I don't think I'm cool with that 😕 Just venting here really - not sure if it's because I'm still under the weather but I don't know if anyone around Mr BC is okay about him moving on with his life. Which makes me feel shit.

@BatshitCrazyWoman when did his wife pass away? Its sad if no one wants him to move on but is that really the case or you just assuming they don't?

I'm feeling pretty down today. Still no message from Mr Dimples so have to assume he's not interested. It's made me quite mad really as I think its so rude to not let me know - he could say anything but just let me know rather than leave me hanging.
So in a rage I deleted Tinder and Bumble from my phone. Wasn't getting any matches anyway so feeling rather invisible and low. My kids go to their Dads tonight so I had been hoping for at least some guys to speak to over the weekend but seems that wont be the case. Like @FMFL said its the lonely days that are worst!
Love you're idea @morenicecereal about reviews - would be like Amazon how many stars for this one!!???

Well all, after my little slump this week. I went back and read Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl.

Whilst I've read it before, I tend to only read the chapters that's I associate with at the time. So I read the OW part last night (whilst I only found out about this after it ended) it's really helped me more understand why I feel the way I do now and why I've struggled a bit. And my word it's really helped.

Basically because I have low self esteem (something which is getting better) it feels like I've lost. Strange I know. But it feels like I've lost to another woman. Which has made me feel second best. But the truth is I never wanted him anyway. So what have I lost, a lying man who didn't respect me enough to tell the truth and a man who was happy to have FB situation whilst he was planning a wedding. I think that tells me the reality of his character in full.

I know I've said it before. But everyone needs to read this book. You don't even need to read it all, just read certain chapters at a time.

I'm like a new woman today and feel totally back in the game.

lifegoes good to hear you are feeling more positive.
I've avoided reading that book because I know I am the fallback girl. But I can't seem to make the change needed to stop ending up like that.

Last night's date said that the idea of an open relationship had come from his other half. He'd moved back in with her and they were looking at ways to make their relationship work.
I was speechless when he told me.

It beats the date I had earlier in the week who started the date by telling me he'd stalked me on facebook. That was never going to go well either.

@lifegoes good to hear! I bought that book from a recommendation on this thread and it is brilliant. It doesn’t take the pain away but gives you a real insight into these Unavailables and I realised that I’m definitely a Miss Unavailable, something I need to work on.