Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Of course that had to be the top post of the page

@KhaleesiTargaryen I'd echo others and say meet asap. My friend chatted for ages with a FWB, genuinely thought would be a click, then met and just wasn't attracted at all. And if you meet, clarify whether you are ok with them seeing others. I fell into a FWB with a friend but asked early on whether he was seeing others and thankfully he wasn't.

dustmyselfoff it will get easier honestly. If there really isnt much price difference then just go to the most convenient garage to you.

I was the same - exdh generally sorted all that sort of stuff but in 2 years since hes gone I've sorted insurances, mots, services, work on the house, holidays with kids etc - all stuff he would have done previously but I've managed it. And whilst I know private plates are generally frowned upon on mumsnet I may even treat myself to a new plate soon- with my maiden name initials on 😉

I have a date tomorrow night with Mr Nice. My heart isn't in it and I can't even be bothered. I'm not going to cancel cos I've had blokes cancel on me and its pants. Tell me just to go and enjoy myself!!

salty you sweetheart! I have wrote a fair bit, will see how it goes!

khaleesi advice from morenice and saltyis spot on.

crappyday personally I'd rather be cancelled on that go to effort of a date with someone that wasnt feeling it or bothered

@Neverexpected2 that is a good point. Its nothing he's done at all. Obviously I wasnt intending turning up and making it obvious I couldn't be bothered. Its just the way I'm feeling at the moment and things have been so busy for me work wise. I shall see how I feel tonight.

Is it worth paying for ok Cupid?

I never bothered, got plenty of matches without it.

@crappyday2018 if it's you not him then postpone. If it's him not you then cancel. Don't waste your energy

I’ve not paid. I just tend to see who messages me and respond to them if I’m interested.

Sometimes faking it to make it works @crappyday2018 if he seems ok maybe try and go. Doing something nice might help perk you up a bit.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I paid for a month but found all the matches weren't those I'd find attractive. I personally think wasn't worth it.

I had the same experience as @eesha Then I decided if a guy wants to contact me he'll put effort into getting my attention.

Well my mr whatever I called him ...mr megatext? 2500 messages and 600 voicexlips in 4 days. We crashed and burned. As expected. Sort of a long story but he didnt ask to meet. After initially being rash like. So I said. Look I'm not gonna keep texting someone unless we meet and he was all ropey about it. And I asked if he was a bit of a fantasist and he got flustered (He essentially love bombed me, put me in his phone as 'wife' and I didnt put up much resistance). He said let's meet (today) text me when you're free.
I did not text. The disconnect, the fantasizing, it wasnt normal or healthy.

I was wifed up and divorced over the space of a weekend. Interesting experiment. Haha

Heres the thing. I dont know whether I am currently just a magnet or if I'm magnetized by unhealthy people atm? I have 2 other irons plus mr perfect. The 2 others I cancelled one tonight to work and the other is lovely but I'm not exactly excited. What do we all think about 'online instant chemistry ' ? It always seems to lead me to an absolute fuckwit honesttogod

I think so too, @supercali77. The ability to send interesting texts doesn't always translate to real life communication. Maybe something worth researching.

It's really easy to be confident over text!

Can I pick your brains please? Reading about love bombing. What's the difference/flags to look out for, and what's the difference between love bombing and just being genuinely really into someone?

Only in my experience, I can't believe online connections are real @supercali77. I wish I knew why it was doesn't always translate to real life. I think if they connection exists in person you'll still connect online bit you can't know they person behind the screen.

On that attract what you project thing you knew you were on a slippery slope and it was unlikely to end well.

The other day you said enjoy the fun where it is. If we make the decision to do that we have to accept the consequences too imo.

BTW personally as much as I am also enjoying the fun where it is I'm also keeping the bar high too.

Also i rang my FiL and asked his advice. He said Maxxis. So that's that sorted.
I still organised the rest of it.

@saltysally yep, if he hadnt been out of the country I'd have been less tolerant of it. As soon as he was back and still waxing lyrical about how amazing our first date would be without actually setting it I thought 'nope'. It did show me that I think I'm starting to be ready for something real and not just fun

@MoreNiceCereal yeah we also spoke on the phone. Just as good. It got me thinking though about false intimacy pre meet.

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt for me its characterised by hyper idealism and it happens very early on and it's very full on. Before meeting, very early dates. The person doesnt know you. I think sometimes though it is just legit chemistry between 2 people that goes the distance.

Talk me doooowwwnnn.

I've already met my Tinder friend once, in a friends capacity, but we've been texting daily for weeks now. Yesterday and more today we've started flirting a bit and I feel a little fluttery. We are meeting for drinks on Sunday afternoon. Actually growing feelings for someone is much scarier than I thought.

@MoreNiceCereal I know the feeling! Does it make you feel a bit sick?

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt It is a really hard one, I knew I was in trouble as soon as I met MrNN, and I had to really focus to rein myself in and not come across as a bit of an over involved nutter.

I’m off out with MrNN and BF for some celebratory drinks tonight with some of BFs temporary colleagues, it’s a posh one and none of us are posh at all so we need to behave ourselves. I know where I stand with MrNN, he’s only coming as it’s free and there will be someone there he wants to meet 😂

Yes! Aaaaahhh

I am going to be a mess by Sunday.