Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Very true @saltysally

Place marking. Will catch up on the thread and update later. X

So I sent my Mr Dimples quick message after lunch date yesterday. Just saying it was lovely and nice to meet you etc. Nothing. na da - not a squeak out of him. big sigh.... why can't guys just be honest and say "hey you're not for me" or something. Don't leave me hanging - its horrid.

Now feeling a bit sorry for myself. Have been OLD since July and haven't even got a guy to kiss me yet. Maybe I was expecting too much?

It's a numbers game, @iamthrough. Remember the rules - their issues, not yours.

I see Mr Cactus tonight, he has a stonking cold and IDGAF I will gladly get a cold if it means I get to spend time with him.

Last night I mentioned I wanted my lip pierced again (I might work in law, but I'm a blue haired and tattooed alternative gal) and somehow we ended up sharing photos from 2007 era (he was at uni and I was a bit younger). Christ Almighty, he was a pretty boy. I said, here see an embarrassing drunk photo of me, which was pretty embarrassing, his photo in return was him half naked just looking like an attractive 21 year old.

I'm feeling the need for some validation about his attractiveness versus mine. Who wants to volunteer to validate me hahahaha

I'm joking....

Sorta....

I think I need to stop using LinkedIn to stalk irons. I wanted to download a picture of Mr Green and the long press liked the photo. I He had told me what he does though and its pretty unique so it wasn't a major sleuthing effort.

@saltysally make sure you have your search hidden. As they also get notified of who views their profile

I know @lifegoes I had forgotten to turn that off last week when sleuthing some other irons and ex acquaintances etc. FFS

Right I have joined OkCupid! No idea what I’m doing. Hate writing about myself so wonder if it’s too try hard

Marlbs is great

She has a cracking sense of humour and likes red wine. What's not to like?

The end

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Sorted

Hope you are feeling stronger today @lifegoes

Try not to sorry @SBD1 you must've able to tell Mr C is attracted to you. And attraction is more than just looks.

@iamthrough Definitely a numbers game.

@nomorecereal Glad you are feeling calmer

@DustMyselfOff Glad that your hypnosis session helped. Loving ourselves should definitely be our starting point.

@marls best of luck. I’m ashamed to say my tinder and bumble bios are one line each... I can’t write about myself!

I just have a list on my bio.

@notcoolmum This is the thing I know he is, but I spent so many years super fat and the ugly friend that it blows my mind that he is attracted to me. I've lost another couple of stone the last 6 weeks so my skin's really starting to look horrible.

Better start saving the 5k I need for a tummy tuck! Kicking myself for ever getting to 25stone, my skin's not happy! Noticed this morning that my legs have shrunk from all the cycling as well, so my thighs are a mess.

But, I did ask him once if it bothered him and he said no so I've just got to keep repeating that to myself.

I'm excited to see him tonight. I will only see him for about 3 hours but its better than nothing.

@dustmyselfoff You definitely should stay with us, you're witty and lovely and I would miss you!

@lifegoes a good cry can be quite cathartic. Glad you’re feeling better.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 same happened to me a few days ago. His loss 🤷‍♀️ it’s him, not you.
I joined OKCupid earlier this week too. I think I wrote one/two sentence and I’ve had a good amount of interest. But some of the guys have written really lovely stuff (paragraphs!) and it’s nice to read so I might add some more.
Although I think women are more likely to actually read it!! Good luck. Took me a while to get used to using the sit 🤪

Oh I came on to ask something and then forgot 😂
So, I matched with a guy who straight away said he was just up for dates and sex (he phrased it more elegantly)
He’s very hot, around my age, local etc. Is this madness? I’ve never done casual. Not sure I’m built that way, but if I was how would you go about this arrangement. My interest has been piqued!

Sorry for complete naïveté 😂😂

@SBD1
I don't have the same experience as such, my weight crept up to about 20 stone over the years and add a few DC in the mix, I'm now about 13 stone probably (don't weigh myself), and much more physically active. I look a bit like a deflated balloon imo, especially the boobs.

But idgaf, genuinely. I'm late thirties, with kids, and if a man can't cope with the reality of what I look like naked, he can take a fucking hike. Penises are super weird looking and yet I'm still interested.

@morenicecereal I don't look like a deflated balloon, I look like a fat wax figure has melted. Its sooooo bad. You know when you see those before and after pictures of someone who has had surgery, thats me.

But...I don't want the surgery for anyone else. I want it for me. I don't even think I'll bother getting my arms done, I just want my tummy and boobs doing. I don't care if I have a nice arse I just don't want to deal with the overhang!

Ok. I'm so pitiful but stbx did all the car stuff. I need to get new tyres fitted. Ive rung 2 garages recommended on fb. The costs are £5 difference. Both recommended by rwal people. One garage will fit Falken tyres, one Maxxis HP5.
How the fuck do you choose? This is so far outside my experience I've ground to a complete halt. Please someone help me make a decision and stop being a 1950s twat of a woman - "oh i can't possibly sort out car things without my husband. Woe is me" ffs. I embarrass myself sometimes.

@KhaleesiTargaryen so here's what I do.

Coffee date, see if I get on with him. If so, we move on to stage two, where we go for drinks and make out for a while. Usually if kissing is nice, everything else is nice too. It's a good indicator of compatibility imo.

Text chat about sexual compatibility, ensure you are comfortable with his attitude, interests, etc. Test him out with a few "no" answers, see what he says.

Stalk him online, just a bit. Confirm he is who he says he is.

Establish your boundaries. For me it's no staying over or playing at being a couple. Keep conversation light and surface level. Make it clear if you are happy to see other people while you're seeing each other, and talk about those experiences a bit, so it's not a point of embarrassment.

I've become a bit bolder and harder about this stuff. Not sure if I will carry on this way, but this works for now.

@Dustmyselfoff. I completely am with you. We always used to have lease cars with my Ex. I now have a car of my own for only the 2nd time in my life. Its about to come up for a service and I haven't got a clue!!
Here's what I'd do - go to the nearest place of the 2 that have been recommended pick one of he tyres at random (the names don't mean anything to me either) and waltz in there with bravado pretending I knew what I was doing!!

@khalessi one of the first questions I ask guys is if they are just looking for 1 FWB or want to still meet others.

I won't sleep with someone who is having sex with others so that's a deal breaker for me

Then have a fairly upfront roofline conversation about sex, interests etc

I also see if our non sexual interests are aligned

If they sound okay after all that then will meet them for a drink.

@DustMyselfOff the Maxxis gets good reviews so will be ok. Without knowing the specific model of Falken I can't say but it is a brand I've heard of.

@khalessi this is going to sound crude but assuming all is going well will sleep with them within a few dates. Tend to wait longer for relationships. Think this helps to prevent feelings from developing and allows you to see how if you can be compatabile in the bedroom.