Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

fmfl hope you're enjoying your date love sending 💐
Anybody any advice on getting ds to accept I have a bf?if anyone thinks they could help perhaps I could pm with you? Sorry just too outing to post on here!

Oh and p.s. well done echo on standing up for yourself

Not precisely dating related but.... i go back to work tomorrow. First time ever as full time, long term employee. Done lots of temping, self employment and subcontracting work but this 9-5 shizzle is all new. Esp since having the sprogs.

I'm positive and exvited about it. It marks the real beginning of my new life and I'm looki g forward to the challenges, the social aspect, the opportunity to rise, the money, dressing up in nice clothes instead of snot streaked jeans, having a life stbx knows nothing at all about.

He popped over this evening to return some stuff he'd borrowed and caught me looking at his jeans. He kind of preened and said they were a 34 waist. I said "hmm" because ehat I was thinking was "those aren't on your waist. Your waist is spilling out over the top of those jeans". It was not a good look.

I watched a YT video on narcissists. He is definitely a covert narc. I'm eaiting dor the decree absolut then I'm sending the link to his little friend and wishing her bonne chance with the selfish twat.

In other news I've painted my nails fire engine red. Watch out world.

👍 nomore good luck for tomorrow

@CocoKoko123 similar advice needed here - how old is your DS?

savoretti I will pm you if that's ok - it's a long story!

Yes @Coco please do. Not sure I will be able to help but we can bumble along together maybe

Well ladies and gents after a bit of a disastrous start my date tonight went really well! I’ll have to give him a name... Mr Sash perhaps! He was friendly, chatty, seems a proper nice guy. I think he’s definitely looking for a relationship, not that long been out of a reasonably long-term one though. We’re arranging a date again later in the week so I may know more then. At least he seems a bit more available than Mr B! I have another iron who wants a date the same night. He’s a bit of an unknown quantity at the moment so I’ll change the day with him I think.

Excellent news @FMFL! Glad to hear it.

fmfl 👍

It’s a really weird feeling being someone’s girlfriend. I’ve not been a girlfriend for...a long time. I’ve got a hospital appointment on Tuesday and Mr C has asked if he can take me which is very sweet.

Last night he had lots of cuddles from the doggos and I think he’s fallen in love with the spaniel. Even if she is a bit too much sometimes.

I’ve genuinely never felt like this about anyone, I’ve never literally wanted to climb into someone’s skin. I can’t get close enough to him. Totally aware it’s only been two months but I definitely believe when you know you’ve found someone who’s really right for you that it’s easy to tell early on. In my marriage I never felt like we were equals and I didn’t respect my ex. In this, I can see how we both contribute different things and why it could work long term. I’m just super happy.

FMFL so pleased.

NoMore good luck today! I've got red nails too - Essie's Hiking Heels. Love it.

Love more for you. It really stood out to me that you weren't feeling excited about seeing him 😕

Saw Mr BC yesterday (went to see Joker, it's dark but good). We hadn't seen each other for 7 days - I was so excited! We were just smiling at each other like idiots

Struggling this morning, really want to message him and tell him how shit I’m feeling but I know it will just make things worse. Keep questioning if I have been out of order, I have bad PMT right now so maybe I’m being a grumpy emotional cow. I need to drag myself to the gym but all I feel like doing is lying on the sofa and sobbing. Why do I let people do this too me?

Maybe read back over what you've shared here on the thread, love? You haven't been happy for a while, I think. and for now - the gym can wait.

@Lovemusic33 he doesn't sound great tbh. I know not alcoholic standards but certainly not treating you well. However don't beat yourself up about it because he sounded ok for a while and you gave it a chance. I have read a few of these threads now and I'm wondering whether you should take a break and look after yourself first. It sounds like you aren't taking care of yourself and hence ending up in crappy relationships with people who aren't right for you.

@Lovemusic33 I'm not sure why you'd think you were being unreasonable. This wasn't a one off. He let you down the other weekend too. You make all the effort. You have limited time to spend together and he doesn't prioritise you on those times. It doesn't sound like he makes you happy or brings much to your life.

Yesterday I was hung over and my iron drove to mine so he could bring me food. Pretty nice of him I think!!

@Lovemusic33 I've just read back and in my opinion YANBU at all.

Stick to your guns

@Lovemusic33 It really sucks when something is kinda going along in a way that's manageable, not ideal, but kinda works, and previously things just didn't work. And then you realise...actually it's not what I want. I've had that a few times being single over the last couple of years....and it's shit because on the one hand it feels so close to being something that might have worked. But so far in the sense that they revealed themselves to be inappropriate. It's hard. But fwiw I think you're making the right choice

Love,he could be completely unaware that anything was wrong. He may have assumed you were happy driving to him?
You have given him a couple of chances now with the drinking all day and being late and I'm just wondering if you've actually sat down with him and explained how precious your time is and it's just bloody rude. From my experience,some men just aren't with it and dont think. It's very frustrating.
If you're getting great sex and everything else is good,its such a shame that he isnt registering your needs.
Or maybe he is just a selfish twat

Oh @Lovemusic33 that sounds like a tough call for you, but I think you've made the right decison. If you hadn't called him MrSkinny I'd swear you were talking about my STBXH - he'd go the opening of an envelope if it meant a night out - always the first to arrive and last to leave. Even now he says he'll have our DD on x night if nothing else crops up (he means a night out). Every time someone new joined work, someone left, moved department, had a birthday - he was there. It was a major factor in me ending things eventually (apart from the affairs). He'll be the oldest swinger in town - one of those bloated, yellow eyed, red nosed blokes sat on a bar stool, lamenting that his kids want nothing to do with him so he drinks - no your kids want nothing to do with you because you constantly put your social life ahead of them. DD knows this already and she's only 9 .

After many years, I've finally realised why he does it - he can't bear his own company. He can't be alone. He was the life and soul of the party when I met him - fine at 25 but he never grew up - a perpetual Peter Pan determined to hang onto his youth, depsite getting married and having a child. Of course he bitterly regrets it now, but the damage is done.

@EchoElephant I'm surprised you met up with MrFriendsOnly, but glad you gave him a piece of your mind. His reaction to it just goes to show how ignorant (or arrogant?) he was of the way he was treating you.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking Good luck with your new job - fwiw I'd steer clear of forming any romantic relationships in the work place - don't shit where you eat and all that - all fine when it's going well but awkward as fuck when goes tits up.

@Undecidedsofa Don't be afraid of Tinder , I saw the same faces on Tinder, Bumble and POF.

@Ant330 Did you meet MsH yesterday? Nothing wrong with a disagreement as long as you kiss and make up.

@Sunshineandflipflops I feel your pain over the Christmas arrangements - it's our third Christmas juggling DD and we still don't know what the fuck to do for the best that keeps everyone, but most importantly DD happy.

@FMFL Nice to see you back dating again - MrB was a real headfucker.

A little shoutout to @shitwithsugaron, @Marlboroandmalbec34, @RichDeniro, @HairyArsedMan, @PeanutHedz, @Coffeeandchocolate9, @lifegoes, @AverageGuy, @putastrawunderbaby, @Sidge, @kerkyra and anyone else that I've forgotton - hope you guys are all OK

@JeSuisPrest I didn't ask to meet Mr Friends Only. I knew where he would be so I ambushed him.
I'd messaged him on Saturday to ask if we could talk and the message went unread. So I decided to sort it out in person.
The look on his face when he saw me was priceless.

Winner of the biggest balls on the Fred go to @EchoElephant - makes mental note to never get on the wrong side of Echo

Seriously though, if that's what it took to give you closure, good for you lovely, hopefully it'll make him think twice about how he treats others in future.

Ah, Echo that's awesome!

I'm now terrified of @echoelephant

Only joking, I'm impressed!!!

I’d arranged to meet a guy, this coming weekend and out of the blue he sends me 4 pics in a row - saying “more recent photos.”
They were a completely different guy! Which I printed out. No, he said, the profile pics were a while ago.
Utter lies. Unless he’s had major reconstructive surgery to look worse!!!!
Waste of my time. What a prat.