Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Ah that's not too bad really. I hope you recover well.

I think men swipe right a lot more indiscriminately than women, tbh. I always get lots of likes when I first join various sites and I'm not a model. Just normal looking late 30s, glasses, a bit geeky.

Thank you. I think it will be trying to get through to them that it doesn't really stop me doing anything. Although probably half the men I talk to are just looking to DTD or something casual and I'm not looking for that so losing them isn't a bother to me.

@dancerinthemoonlight Make sure you use all the filters. A couple of people have told me men swipe just on the first pic and then if someone matches them back they will look at the rest of the profile. Apparently a lot of people both men and women if they have decided they aren't interested just let the clock run down and don't bother to unmatch which sounds a bit mean..

@Dancerinthemoonlight I don't think it would bother me either but maybe depends on whether it's a one off surgery or on going? I guess when people have their pick on OLD it doesn't take much to put people off.

Re: the drinking, Mr Ad is a recovering alcoholic and very much committed to being sober but if he relapsed that's would be it. As much as I care about him, I am not choosing that life for myself or potentially my kids. My ex did the going out for hours drinking and I hated it. I hated him coming back late and having no idea if he was ok, smelling of booze for the next day or two and I dread to think how much money he spent each time.

Good luck today Love I hope for your sake he proves you wrong.
Hopefully he took it easy on the drinks, but if not he's a better man than me if he can drink for 7 hours and then turn up on time without a hangover.

Dancer know it wouldn't put me off, sounds like a pretty quick recovery period. Trouble is OLD makes people so fickle and also selfish even about some short term inconvenience.
I'd just take it as a good indicator of the type of blokes they'd actually be in a relationship and say good riddance 😉

MissH and I had a bit of a blip and haven't seen each other this week which is unusual for us. Had a bit of an argument on Thurs when we should have been seeing each other but she was being so flakey about arranging anything that I went out with friends instead.
That would have been fine but she knew I had the arse so an argument ensued.
Think we're ok now and might see each other later today depending on kids.
Need to stop judging her on what's gone before.

I'm going to be in plaster for about 2 months with it but I'm not the kind of person to sit around indoors and let it restrict what I do. Its not the first operation I have had on it so that's why I know what I will be comfortable doing and not doing. So far the dates I have been on have all been keen to see me again it's just been lack of interest on my part.
Out of my 3 irons I am binning Mr Persistent as he really can't be bothered to make an effort to contact me and conversation with him is few and far between. Mr Westie actually got in contact with me yesterday but no mention of meeting so if he doesn't bother then he is being binned aswell. My message hasn't been delivered to Mr Surgery so i have either been blocked or his phone is broken. If he gets in contact he had better have a good excuse.

Ant I think it’s over with me and Mr skinny, he sent me a text at half ten he was obviously still drunk, I sent him a message he telling him not to bother coming over today as I would rather not spend the day with someone who smells of stale drink and has a hangover. He’s got pretty shitty with me about it and said I was wrong to assume he would have a hang over, and tried saying that he hardly had anything to drink (his drunk texts prove otherwise) and that he was planning on getting up early and spending the day with him. He’s now saying I’m stopping him from seeing his mates. I’m not bothered if he wants to go out with his mates, I’m upset because he lies and says he’s going for a couple drinks and then going home and then goes out drinking all day and sends me drunk texts, he also keeps saying how he hates the town he went drinking in and doesn’t like staying there long as it’s rough. Anyway, I’ve stopped messaging him as he obviously thinks I’m some kind of nut case who wants to stop him going out. I have switched my phone off.

Yes love sound like time to bin him off and move on lovely

Love sorry to hear that but not surprised after last time.
I wasn't going to say it before and I do go out a lot with my mates drinking, but there's no way I'd be doing a 7 hour session knowing I was seeing my GF the next day.
If it was a very special occasion that he'd given notice of in advance and that he'd probably be in no state the next day then that's different. But don't make plans then go out and spoil those plans.
Sounds like you were bored anyway so hopefully won't cause you too much pain. There's somebody better out there 😉

I wouldn't want to be with someone who went out drinking all day love And his messages would just confirm to me that I was done. You definitely should be feeling excited about seeing him at this early stage too. So he's no loss, there's someone better out there

He's shown you his true colours, love. You deserve so much better than this man-child.

Hugs to you love

And good on you for calling him out and telling him not to bother.

@lovemusic33 I meant to come on two weeks ago to say his behaviour was unacceptable. Now it's not even the behaviour but the way he's speaking to you. I would turn your phone on and end it. Spending quality time with someone you're in a relationship with is important but it doesn't seem like his priority.

Argh. Still working my way through the Mr UA book, and feeling very, very stupid seeing my behaviours described, mistakes I made, and how this devalued me.
Honestly could kick myself.

Can someone please help so had a lovely date last night, ended up sleeping together all good this morning, said we would go out again when he’s home next week as he works away. So here’s where I’m a bit confused he’s deleted me off tinder, well I think he has his profile and messages have disappeared but he’s still on WhatsApp and I can see his last seen on there!! Why am I sat waiting for him too block me!! Xx

I don't know if it's true for everyone but if I am talking to someone from Bumble (never used tinder but I presume it's practically the same) on WhatsApp then I tend to delete them on Bumble because I don't feel the need to have them on there if I have their number.
Just binned Mr Westie. He asked what I would be able to do post surgery so I thought great he wants to see what I will be comfortable doing on a date. I make a smartarse comment about not being able to do rock climbing any time soon when we have discussed things we are interested in and I have never expressed an interest in it. He texts back with that's ashame as I know you love rock climbing and that he is just at home chilling when Bumble shows his location to be hundreds of miles away from where he lives.

lolly some guys unmatch on dating sites once they've got your details so try not to think too much into it.

If he blocks you on WhatsApp too then he's the issue and not you.

Thank you both it’s hard this online dating isn’t it. Xx

lolly maybe he’s removed his profile?

Trying to keep busy today and failing, feeling pissed off with Mr Skinny, his last message read “hope you have a nice day” (sarcastic?). I don’t think I can handle going back onto the apps, fed up with meeting total wankers who can’t see when they are in the wrong . He was going on about how he only ever sees friends once every 2 months (he goes to his mates twice a week to play Xbox). Would be nice to find a man that doesn’t act like a 16 year old boy.

lovemusic I'm assuming all the good men are taken.
Its unlikely he can see he's in the wrong which is why he's on the defensive.
I cant remember his relationship history but I'm wondering if other relationships have gone the same way.

I have an FB who is nearly 50 and he goes out drinking every weekend, at least a Saturday night but sometimes Friday as well. He is often hungover on Sundays.

Luckily he doesnt want any sort of relationship but if he did who the hell would put up with that?
He doesnt drink during the week which is when I see him, suits me perfectly as I'm not really free at weekends.

I hope you managed to find something to do...I think your girls are due home st 5.

Ok wish me luck....date at 6.30 eek. Going to wear a long sleeved dress, heels and leather jacket, sound ok? Driving so no chance of any Dutch courage ... god I hope he turns up

@Lovemusic33 is this why he doesn't drive to you? As he wants to drink.

@Dancerinthemoonlight It would be a weird thing for someone to have a problem with, plus anyone could break a bone, appendix problem etc and not be at 100% for a few weeks, so even if something isn’t apparent at the start something could go on to happen. MrNN has some he wears to bed on his hands, even without them on it’s obvious there is something different about his hands (one of the ‘celebs’ on strictly has the same thing) and it’s no biggie.

@Lovemusic33 I’m sorry he has acted like an arsehole.

@FMFL hope all goes well!