Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Of course you can join undecided welcome!

So it seems I subscribed to Bumble a month ago for 6 months. Have no recollection of doing it but I must have as I wanted to join the BFF bit. Even though I've since realised you don't need to pay.

Anyhow long story short, despite my temporary exile plans I have a new iron called Mr Beef. We met tonight for a drink or two and it seemed to go okay. He wants to meet again but I couldn't remember my plans for next week. It's a tad refreshing to get to know a man normally for a change and not with the 20/20 fab style questions 😊😂

Possibly my shortest exile ever. Also have Christmas sorted too so double 👍👍 for tonight

Congrats on the good news @cocokoko123 if you want to share it with someone else I'm here

Welcome back @Undecidedsofa would say pull up a chair but it seems you've got one 😂

Thank you
It’s all a bit scary going back to OLD and part of me feels like just being contented being me, but I thought I’d give it a go, fingers crossed!

salty 🤣 loving your Witt!and thanks for the offer will pm you.

I have had enough of men and their stupid mind games (apologies to the ones on this thread).

Earlier in the week Mr Friends Only got in touch. Could we meet and talk? I figured that if I said no, I'd always be wondering what he had to say. We met for drinks, had a great chat about life, dating and the universe. At the end of the evening he moved in to hug me and I stopped him.
Then he said he wanted to kiss me. Said he'd missed me and wanted to spend more time with me. Stupidly, I went along with it.

Next day I heard nothing, so I sent a quick text in the evening. He replied quickly but said he was on his way to bed. I told him I was child free this weekend and suggested we could go out this evening. He said that was a lovely idea and we could sort out where and when the next day.

That was Thursday. Since then I've heard nothing. But my friend has spotted him online on POF. Not just once, she said he seemed to be on there almost all day and all evening yesterday. She knew he was active on there but didn't say anything until I had a moan about not hearing from him yesterday.

So clearly I'm low, low down on his priority list. I'm just the fallback girl again. I'm waiting to see if he gets in touch at all today to arrange anything. We didn't agree to be exclusive, so I guess he can still be on the apps. But I feel I don't trust him now.

I would bin him off, Echo. Delete, block. He is using you for ego strokes.

@EchoElephant you had to make the first contact after meeting then you had to make the suggestion of meeting to which he's not even committed yet. He's just playing with you. If he wanted to see you or sort out plans I think you'd know about it. Personally I wouldn't be waiting a milli second longer for him and delete and block. You deserve someone who will make you a priority and make sure you know you are a priority.

Or what @morenicecereal said in two sentences

It's not easy, though. The possibility of something is hard to give up.

I was thinking this morning while waiting for my coffee - what if Mr FF realised his mistake and came back full of regrets and apologies? In a week? A month? A year? Well, he killed off my feelings for him. He showed me I wasn't worth it in his eyes. (Whatever "it" may be)

Why would I want to be with someone like that?

I feel a bit wistful, having woken up with a headache. But although long-term is not realistic with Mr G, he has always made it obvious I'm important enough for him to make sacrifices (he wants to see me as soon as he lands from his transatlantic flight fgs). Maybe that's a bit of future faking or fantastic thinking. Maybe it isn't. I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to spend a bit more time with him so I can figure it out.

I told him about the Google fiasco with Mr FF and his reaction was completely different. He doesn't care what crazy online trolls say about me at all. It's this attitude and other interactions we've had that I can look back on and say there are plenty of good things about him that are worth sticking around for, and finding out more.

I'm doing a good job of convincing myself here aren't I!! 😂😂🤔🤔

To everyone who commented on the ex thing, not ignoring it. I’m digesting it.

I’m officially a girlfriend now. Had some more chats last night about stuff and I’m pleased that I’ve found Mr C. He makes me happy and loved.

@saltysally @MoreNiceCereal thank you, I needed to hear that.
I haven't done the delete/block yet. I'm waiting to hear from him. I want to see if he tries to arrange anything or just cancels.
Then I'll tell him what I think of him and delete & block.

If you want to tell him what you think of him just do it now. He's already shown you who he is. He won't change.

I don't like being passive. I don't like waiting for someone's decision about me, if I'm worthy enough for their attention. Definitely realised that about myself this week!

I'd just say something like you don't have time to wait for him to reply, you have other plans, and won't be making any future plans with him. And block.

@MoreNiceCereal sounds like you're onto a great thing with Mr G!

Even if it's not for the long term- sounds really nice for you for the time being!

I hope so, @eyebrowsofinstagram - not sure I can cope with another emotional upheaval this week. It's been a rollercoaster.

@EchoElephant I agree with @MoreNiceCereal. Your first mistake was agreeing to meet him, but hey, we're all human and curiosity would have got the better of me too. Your second mistake was texting him first when you hadn't heard from him after the drink - he brushed you off politely, but if he'd wanted to meet up he would have pinned down a time and place that night. You are the very definition of a Fallback Girl to him and you deserve so much better lovely. You are playing the game with him by saying you'll wait and see what his next move is. Why? You are not a passive bystander in your own life.

You know he's chatting (and probably arranging dates with others). If none of those pan out he'll try and arrange something with you at the last minute. Fuck. That. Shit. I'd rather stay in, paint my nails and watch Strictly that massage his ego any further - and I know when you have limited childfree time a night in on your own feels "wasted". But it's not - you are sending him a very clear message that you aren't waiting around for him to dictate things. You are an equal player in this game.

Surprise him - send him a message along the lines of "Hey, not heard from you, and it just confirms what I already knew tbh, but thanks for removing any doubt. We can't be friends or anything more, so I wish you all the best and hope you find what you're looking for, but it won't be with me, because you know, I deserve to be treated a lot fucking better than this."

@JeSuisPrest is on fire 🔥

@EchoElephant jesuis is as always bang on the money there. You're an active and equal participant with your own set of boundaries and needs. Hes not being honourable or kind or thinking of how his actions may affect you.

I'm always up for good news @CocoKoko123.

@echoelephant I'm sorry he's putting you through this, I think @MoreNiceCereal and @jesuisprest offer excellent advice. I like to think that I would just proactively say 'I deserve better, goodbye.' but would probably mope around for weeks waiting for a crumb of attention.

Maybe you could wait a few days and say you've met someone better and don't need a fb or fwb. I like to think that might dent his ego. Or you could ignore my advice because I know nothing about dating.

Interestimg how we would all respond differently. I wouldn't say anything, especially at this late stage otherwise you show he got under your skin. He doesn't deserve the cskida. Just delete and block. He's unlikely to message until he needs another ego boost.

Interesting

Doesn't deserve the validation

Thanks everyone. I like JeSuisPrest's message. Just not sure I can send it. Maybe later in the day when it's too late to arrange anything.

I think he just got carried away the other evening. Emotions were running high, we discussed past relationships and their effect on us and we were getting on well.
Now he just hasn't got the guts to say he made a mistake.

Mr Persistent responded to me cancelling today because of no car and not wanting to make the journey by train/coach with a load of crying emojis and I understand. No suggestion of him driving to me as he has a perfectly working car.
Why is it that men always expect me to travel to them and are never willing to travel to me or even half way?
Called Mr Surgery out on not seeing me last night so I will see if he responds and what he has to say for himself.

I think I should sit on the don't cross me today because I'm not in the mood bench/ the I'm done with men at the moment bench. I deserve more than how they are treating me