Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@saltysally yeah that really does suck on whatsapp. Sorry to hear you had to ditch someone you like.....signed new contact? Is that a thing on fab? Had you met him already? I only read back a couple of pages on the thread.

@inthetempest it's a numbers game as far as I can tell.

I have a date friday with .. let's call him mr animator. And a lunch date tomorrow with mr muso. Like you salty Sally I'd rather they were with someone else (mr perfect) but hes away again. Le sigh

InTheTempest I feel the same. I can get dates but they're never quite right for me.
Maybe I'm too fussy.
I enjoy my life, most of the time. But evenings on my own can sometimes be lonely.

saltysally sorry to hear that. Deleting his messages must have been tough to do.

Echo I'm definitely too fussy I think. Well I don't know.... Mr Cath Fach isn't the kind of guy I thought I could end up falling for.... proved me wrong though. I thought he was good looking when I first saw him but now he is perfect in my eyes.... helps that his body is 👌 more than that, his personality is magnetic. Ugh I sound pathetic.

For me it's when the DC are with the ex, I feel at a loss then as to what to do with myself. Company would be nice.

InTheTempest I have my own Cath Fach. Only one problem...he doesn't feel the same way. It's not pathetic, it's how you feel.

I can fill my child free time quite easily. But I would like some company. And a nice hug and kiss from someone who cares for me.

Yes I doubt Cath Fach feels the same. I'm not really sure what I am to him. It's more than sex. We are definitely friends. But I don't think he wants anything serious.

We talk all the time. Once when we made plans he messaged me saying he'd had to go home so roughly 3 hour drive from where he worked but would be back later. Didn't hear from it for a few hours and was thinking here we go. Messaged extremely apologetically late afternoon saying he was on his way and had a lovely evening together. Transpired later on he'd had to go back because of something incredibly important family related, and would have been perfectly normal to cancel in those circumstances. But he still came back to see me. I don't know, probably doesn't mean anything. He's a decent guy anyway and a nice person.

Hello all, used to be on this thread (different user) ages ago can I re-join?

I have three options at the moment and am a bit undecided so could do with advice:

1 - MrDevil is beautiful, very sexual, artistic (my soft spot) but would be a non-exclusive FWB. We talk every day, due to meet at half term, he wants to be caring and cared for which I need, but not with a view to anything serious. This could work for me emotionally and timewise at the moment.

2 - MrDoggies met this week, we get on really well, same future and life plans, lives miles away but happy to travel, was married for a very long time same as me, so I think a little shy and not very confident (in work yes in dating no). Really relaxed with him and had a laugh BUT I just don’t find him really physically desirable, he’s shorter than I like and the kissing wasn’t amazing.

3 - MrMaybe dated 3 times, says he wants to meet again but has no time so he’s on a “not going to happen” mental list at the mo.

I tend to pick unavailable bad boys who I desire, this is not good! So wondering if I do the second date with MrDoggies and see if it grows, he might be more confident on his own turf (met near me) or my friend says this is unfair as he’s probably quite vulnerable and if I don’t fancy him I just don’t.

Oh Brass go for Mr Devil! The others don't sound right. If you aren't attracted to someone then there's no point.

Have fun 😈

Thanks @EchoElephant and @supercali77

@supercali77 I meant signed new contract. I've known for a while he could get a massive job promotion and doing so would mean he'd be based in the US. He doesn't have kids so is able to and needs to move pretty quickly.

Yes we've met a few times both recently after first meeting about 6 months ago. Anyhow, onwards...

@inthetempest
Have you seen thus quote?
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
Gandhi

I understand your doubts. Just stay open to the possibility there's a Mr Cornish / Mr Runner / Mr SG /Mr SC out there for you

Mr BC not SC

@DustMyselfOff That's a great description for a BF - I think everyone would like a William in their lives!
@BrassTactical I think if I were you I'd go back online and find a new Iron altogether. 2 & 3 don't seem to be floating your boat so unlikely to proceed by the sound of things and 1 sounds like trouble!! But then I'm a scaredy cat about these things so I'm probably just being too sensible! LOL

I can't remember who said about the WhatApp alert and when you're hoping its a particular person but its always someone else? That is so true. I speak to lots of people as well as potential irons on there - including my ExH. There's nothing more disappointing than hearing the ping - hoping its the latest iron and it turns out to be my ExH!!!

I've been speaking again to MrFitness - we seem to be able to message for hours about all sorts of things and last night he had me in fits of giggles which felt wonderful I have to say. We have arranged to meet Thursday so I've hoping he's as nice in person and will make me laugh - as I so need that in my life!! Wish me luck!

So I broke the NC rule with my ex FB last night. For whatever reason I wanted to reach out and end on good terms. However today that's left me extremely angry with him. He was "nice" explained that he understood my choice as he gave all he could. But that wasn't enough and I deserve more than just "enough". I questioned him on his lies to which I was told well he never really lied because I never asked him if he was getting married. (WTF) and when I did ask about his engagement he told me the truth. I didn't get into an argument instead I just said I deserved the truth. And he said he understood it all. He asked me to promise that if I did something (a plan we had said we'd do together) then I would invite him. I just laughed it off and said I was pleased there was no ill feeling as I hate leaving things like that. (Which I do) he then continued to tell me we were adults so why should there be. This bloke is 12 years younger than me. (Felt patronising) so it's been left there.

But today I'm angry, angry at how I can see he's been quite manipulative (?) esp with the well I didn't ask the question. And the whole he "understood" it's made me realise that this bloke is an absolute vile prick. And due to the nature of the chat app we were using I'm now in no doubt he's got plenty of other women on the go. His poor wife to be.

@lifegoes That's shit.

But remember, you had the strength to walk away. You're in control of this.

Had an old iron on fab who told me he was separated but seemed to have forgotten to tell his wife that as I discovered thanks to a bit of sleuthing. Found her contact details so she now has screenshots. Really wishing her well

I know @SBD1 I don't regret texting him. Because I think I needed to see the man he was. I was clouded by the man I thought he was. But his replies last night proved to me he's an absolute waste of time.

@saltysally I really want to tell her. But I don't think it will make any difference. He's obv cheated loads. I actually asked him if he was married once he laughed it off and said noooo not a chance. But apparently because I didn't ask if he was PLANNING a wedding. He never lied.

I couldn't not tell her @lifegoes so I found an anonymous way to do it. What happens next is entirely between them but I know if it were me I would have wanted to know.

The problem is @saltysally I don't have that much proof. The majority of our stuff was on snapchat. The odd text but that just looks like a conversation between two people.

I still can't believe he had the audacity to say "oh and promise me if you go (certain thing) you will invite me". As if I would do that with him now.

No intention of being faithful to your wife I see

And he's already deleted his profile. Twat

I was only talking about my experience @lifegoes I'm sure you can are making the right call in your circumstances 😊

I know @saltysally I'm really sat debating if I should tell her. Or at least give her an anonymous tip off.

It's rule 11 for me
Treat others as you would like to be treated

Even anonymously I'd have wanted to know

I would. Where do I start tho, how do I do it? @saltysally

I think Mr BC is William''s cousin or something 😍

Tempest I know that feeling so well - it feels really hopeless, you don't know why you're bothering, you'll just find a FWB and then ... oh!!! There he is, the man that 'gets' you. That likes you as much as you like him and isn't afraid to show it. It is really just a numbers game.

@lifegoes - I'm normally fully behind the "if the twat is cheating his SO deserves to know" school, but didn't this happen to you back in March/April time as well with someone you met? You got into some horrible (for you) communications with the iron's (v.young if I recall) GF and it really invalidated your feelings at the time. What if this one doesn't believe you/he says you're some bunny boiler/stalker? You don't know these people - let them get on with their sham of a life and walk away with your head held high like one of those movie stars with the explosions happening behind them whilst you check your lippy in a mirror.

I know you want him to have his just desserts - the guy is a complete player but it sounds like he'd be able to talk her round whatever you say - he had you believing you were exclusive. Honestly, I'd just delete his number and move on - he has nothing to offer you and last night's exchange just goes to show what a self serving prick he is, and now you're giving him even more head space which he really doesn't deserve lovely.