Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

After all my bravado, Mr C emphasised that he really wanted to help and I decided I should accept it so he’s on his way now with some stuff I asked him to get. DS is upstairs in my room watching tv with the door closed. I’ve told DS Mr C is popping round with some shopping and explained to him that it’s too early for him to meet Mr C but that Mr C wanted to help because I am poorly. DS said he understood and said he’ll stay upstairs whilst it gets dropped off. He’s a very interesting 8 year old. He’s not phased by anything. He asked me if I lover Mr C today on my way home from school and I explained that to know if you love someone you have to get to know their bad bits first and if you still like them then yes maybe you do

Mr Compass has had a huge promotion. Delighted for him and have known about the possibility for a while. He didn't think he'd get it. He did and an internal restructure meant it's come up much sooner than expected and means he will be based in the US very soon. This is going to be my shortest fling ever.

Oh well. Shall enjoy it whilst it lasts.

No smitten benches for me!

@SBD1 he sounds like a good one

SBD I hope you feel a bit better soon. Don't be afraid to take the help when it's available. Of course you'd manage if you had to but be kind to yourself when you can.

Salty that's a shame but definitely enjoy while you can.

I'd hidden my profile on tinder but decided to have a swipe this evening. Ugh. Just... ugh.

Awwww shit

So....he turned up with the stuff.

And flowers.

From somewhere that isn't in between his house and mine. So that meant he got them on his way home from work. Meaning he thought about it.

I said, uh ohhh I think you like me.

He stayed for maybe an hour and a half and for that 90 minutes I felt loads better, when he left I felt ill again.

I'm done for, actually done for.

Coming from the dude who was unsure 6 weeks ago

me: "You only saw me yesterday"
him: "And I was ready to see you again today"

That's so lovely SBD I hope you're feeling better today. Little things like that say a lot about a person!

@SBD1 Cuddles fix pretty much anything, as do flowers. I hope you feel a little better today.

SBD1 that's so lovely. Hope you feel better soon.

Ty everyone, colds just totally knock me for six. Feel absolutely shite but gotta get DS up and ready for school. Thank god Mr C brought me that bread and cheese.

He said, if you need anything on Wednesday I can pop round after I’ve taught my class.

Now to think of something I need

I'm back here again. I had six months with mr Tango Teeth. He was the most amazing lover ever and that caused me to ignore the gnawing anxiety I felt between our meet ups. Anyhow I finally dumped two weeks ago.
I went into tinder and saw a guy I know and even dated for a few weeks about 7 years ago, he's s nice guy but I had my head turned by a nasty narc who swept me off my feet and I stopped seeing Mr niceguy in favour of the narc. So seven years on we've decided to go for a drink and catch up. I'm already having doubts in case I end up hurting him again. What bothers me most (selfishly) is how I will ever find a lover to match Mr Tango Teeth. Can one train a lover?

Mr Cactus is a good man.

Lovely night with Mr Compass. Will just take each meet as it happens, or if... Life is busy enough for me anyhow. I've stopped the daily WhatsApp messages too so I don't miss him when he's gone. May as well get that bit out the way now. Am selfishly sad as I like what I know about him so much. 😞 Still pleased for him though.

I'm a mess today. Mr FriendsFirst has been googling me and has some "concerns" (I've done quite a bit of activism over the years and it would appear our politics don't quite align). I didn't go into it with him last night because it was late and I have family court with the ex today. I didn't have the resilience for that conversation, although it's not necessarily a deal-breaker, he says. I feel resentful that he has spent hours researching me when he could have just asked instead. I don't like the feeling of being on trial.

Mr Goatee, who lives in America, has messaged me overnight to say he wants to figure out if we can make something long-term between us.

My head is all over the place.

That's really kind of Mr C @SBD1

Ooh @MoreNiceCereal I'd be fuming and he could shove his 'not a deal breaker' up his arse!!

I know I should be angry, it's a shitty thing to do isn't it? I was on the end of the phone all afternoon and evening, noticed he'd gone quiet and guessed this was happening (he didn't Google me out of the blue, there was a light-hearted convo previously). I'm just a bit fragile at the moment and don't know how to react yet. I might wait to see what he actually has to say. I was paraphrasing the deal breaker phrase, he didn't actually say that.

I would be. We all google people. It's human nature. But to think he can stand in judgement of you. Erm no thanks.

I Google people too. Maybe he was just a bit surprised. See what happens @morenicecereal imo. He may have ended down a wormhole.

I agree with the googling people thing. Also you never know whether whats out there about you seems more dramatic than the reality and it might just have been a surprise.

Of course, he doesn't get to judge you for it.

@MoreNiceCereal Good luck in the family court.

Everyone googles. But it sounds like he's an idiot who cannot accept that you might have a different opinion to you.

I'm trying to catch up with this un-keep-up-able thread. I don't generally have dating thread type updates these days (since we're way past 'dating'). However, MrSG has told me that he needs to know what size my fingers are. Apparently he doesn't know how to buy me 'jewellery' without the information.

It came up because it was my birthday and he bought me a bracelet. He hinted at needing to know ring sizes and I said I had no idea what size any of my fingers is. Then later he told me that he was fishing for information and wanted to know. Three times.

So he definitely wants to buy me a ring...

Yay @woomawang

So after a phase of getting no matches a friend of mine suggested I tried Plenty of fish. Flippin eck that place is scary!! I received around 100 messages within the first 24 hours - much of which was full of inappropriate innuendo - people offering to "spank me" FFS!!! has everyone else experienced this - just don't like the apps where you can message anyone. I found Tinder tame by comparison!! So I've deleted everything from there already as I felt vulnerable.

@WooMaWang thank you. Just waiting to go in. Stressed isn't a strong enough word.

@WooMaWang that's great news! How long has it been with MrSG now?

Good luck @MoreNiceCereal

@WooMaWang Woohoo! Exciting times!

@iamthrough I found the same with POF to be honest and also came straight off! I didn't get the inappropriate messages as such (I always seem to bypass them for some reason - maybe I don't have the face for it!) but the amount was just overwhelming, even with filters.

If anyone asked my ring size I'd have no idea because I've lost 10 stone since I got married!! I've got a feeling its a N

Good luck @morenicecereal

There's a lot of filters you can use on pof including min number of characters. This helps a lot