Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

God I sound shallow 😂 but I was imagining the perfect fb cos I could never be friends with or get romantic feelings for someone a bit... well, dull

There was some chemistry there. We chatted for about 2hrs and there were no awkward silences.
I've met men that I've fancied on first sight but have turned out to have the personality of soggy cardboard.
Today's date had the personality & the sexy voice, just not the looks that I prefer

Well maybe for fwb that's kind of good? Again sounds terrible but if they're nice but not completely what you're after there's no danger of wanting more...

If there was chemistry I'd meet him for a drink. See how he kisses too. Kissing style is a good test imo.

In case it helps Echo, Mr Compass has the personality I like and we have chemistry. He sure can kiss too. Lastly, he got 20/20 for a sex quiz I made. 😂

Saltysally 20/20? 😂 I think Mr Cath Fach would score high too 😂

So the other guy is messaging me right now... I can't remember if I said much about him before but I met him on tinder. Can't remember what I called him... Mr Hendricks? Anyway I've been for a couple of dates with him, went back to his but not dtd yet. I do find him attractive and he's nice but... I don't know. Not as much as the other is probably the issue...

It was an online quiz I made, not an actual test. I wanted to make sure our interests were similar.

This absolute charmer popped into my inbox last week... Why are some people so horrible

Perdita what a lowlife. I bet you're devastated you didn't reply aren't you? 😂 It's good so many of them show themselves to be complete arseholes so early on tbh

@Perdita40 that’s appalling. What a nasty piece of work; I’d be so tempted to message a string of expletives back but the cretin would probably get off on the attention.

Lol. I messaged back saying how my friends & I had a good laugh about what a D head he clearly is.. little toad..

Ahhhhh I’m on cloud 9.

Mr Cactus is the best.

Drove to his Saturday afternoon, went into the city had food and a drink watched the movie, drove back to his went to bed at 10. Didn't technically go to bed til 2am.

Woke up, stayed in bed for a while. Got up, made breakfast and coffee for me. Then we watched a tv series we started the first time I went to his house and finally we finished all 8 episodes. Then we answered a load of questions (Arons 36 questions) and he cooked lunch which we date on the floor sat cross legged. Went back to bed and I ended up totally being late home. Ex had spent weekend at mine with dogs and DS and I was two hours late. Rocked up with hair sticking up all over the place and walking a bit funny.

Amongst all the giggidy stuff, we had some really nice moments and I’m excited to introduce him to my two best friends in two weeks. He’s coming with me to theirs for dinner and a scary movie.

I’ve been able to see the progression in feelings from him towards me as we get to know each other. We had a conversation by text about how we barely know each other which kinda was nice to acknowledge and also he mentioned inviting me to meet his friends casually at some point

@Perdita40 what an absolute arse

@FMFL hows the getting over Mr B going

@inthetempest well at least you're still dating. Tbh though I don't think anyone else gets a fair shot when we're invested in someone else

Date with mr perfect tonight. I say perfect, he lives hundreds of miles away. I say date, hes coming to mine. Weirdly I havent actually slept with anyone since him. I seem to either end up in a row with people about certain behaviours before we meet or I'm lacklustre about the whole thing and cant be bothered. The mr unavailable book's point about us being unavailable is playing on my mind

Stayed up late chatting with Mr FriendsFirst and this morning I feel like I want to end it with my other irons and just enjoy this one. We haven't had any exclusive discussion, but I am emotionally invested in him anyway. I would feel wrong about dating anyone else while I feel like this.

Taken me by surprise, tbh

SBD that cloud 9 feeling is the best. That sounds a prefect weekend, enjoy the afterglow!

Supercali I hope it goes well tonight, enjoy every minute of it.

That's the thing, I'm dating but is anyone else really getting a look in? Probably not.

Because I'm a single mum and just glad to have my DC and be away from abusive ex, I never set out with the hope of a relationship. Not that fussed about it anyway but just didn't think in my circumstances anyone would be interested in that. That's why I've had no issue dating younger guys, but I've been surprised with the number of people who don't seem to be too worried by it.

I never considered that I might end up with feelings for one of them! 😄

@supercali77 good days and bad days...today is a bad day. My god the man had an effect on me! I feel so sad. Hopefully this will pass later and I’ll be ok again! Thanks for asking x

@MoreNiceCereal I felt similar about Mr Ad tobe honest. I clicked with him as soon as we started chatting but he was being slow to ask me on a date and another guy I was chatting to asked me in the meantime so I said yes and by the time it came i just felt so unexcited about going as I wanted it to be with Mr Ad. He was a nice enough guy but nothing there (from either side fortunately). I then asked Mr Ad on a date and we both paused our OLD accounts the next day

@InTheTempest I think you and I are very similar. I'm 30 with a DS at primary school. Split up with my dickhead ex last year (divorce coming through in two weeks). Mr Cactus had a worry towards the start, "how am I supposed to act around DS" etc and I explained that he won't be introduced til after Christmas at least. And also, Mr Cactus is amazing with kids, I've seen him with his friends daughter (weirdly bumped into them on our first date) and all he has to do is be like that with DS.

Also, even if it was appropriate for them to meet, we spend most of our time with our limbs wrapped around each other so that would be a bit awkward for DS.

Perdita40 that's horrible. Did you report him? I doubt you're the first person he's done that to.

SBD1 what a lovely weekend

I think I'm going to have to find a good reason to say no thanks to yesterday's date. I was going to meet him for a drink only then check out if he was a good kisser.
But he's messaged this morning asking if I'm free for an hour to meet. He knows I work full time and I have a child at home, so popping out for an hour is not going to happen.
He asked yesterday which is why I ended up on an impromptu date. But he mentioned it twice during the date. And I explained it wouldn't happen.
Now he's asked again, it feels very pushy.

@echoelephant

I hate pushy people. As soon as someone is pushy I shut them down.

I remember I was moving house just before I met Mr C. There was one potential iron messaging me on whatsapp asking constantly when we could meet, then Mr C asked me if I needed help painting my DS's old room (I was moving out of a rented house) and I said no thanks. Mr C offered a couple of times, and actually offered to help me move and I said no each time. But he didn't push after that. Whereas the whatsapp guy would not stop asking for me to set a date for us to meet even though I said I didn't know when I could as I was moving house the next day and needed to unpack for a couple of weeks.

The irony being, the day after I moved house I went on a date with Mr C.

I think my gut was telling me the whatsapp guy was a no go, and he ended up instagramming me and being a bit of a dick.

If you don't like the pushiness, go with your gut. I'm glad I did

Exactly! SBD1
I don't mind been asked once, maybe twice. But I thought I'd made it clear that I can't do spontaneous dates. Yesterday was an exception.

This feels pushy, like he's not listening to me. And also makes him look a little desperate and needy.

I've replied that I can't do anything spontaneous. I'll see what he sees in his reply but I'm thinking of following up with 'this won't work as I'm not going to be available as often as you would like'

SBD yes we must be- congrats on getting your divorce through soon! I've got my decree nisi and can't wait for the decree absolute. I think I'm going to switch back to my maiden name and I can't wait tbh.

Glad you've found some happiness with Mr Cactus. Mr Cath Fach was supposed to be staying over mine at the weekend but as DC were home in the end, we ended up getting a travel lodge 😂

@inthetempest

I was having this conversation with Mr C last night, he couldn't understand why I WOULDN'T change my name back to my maiden name especially as I hate my ex so much and don't want his surname.

I'd have to change it at work which is fine but I'm just thinking about having a different name to DS. What would I do? Argh! I want my old surname back. Maybe I should speak to my mother....

Travel Lodge at least is better than a "motel" hahaha. So how it works for me is if Ex comes up to see DS on a Thursday, I go to Mr Cs for a few hours and watch TV. If its a weekend and DS is away I'll probably see him all weekend unless he's working. If DS is at home, ex comes up on the Saturday to spend it with DS and I go to Mr C's saturday and come back Sunday. Soon, ex will have his own place and then DS will go for the entire weekend.

My main problem is, I have a lodger who used to work sundays and now has it off so I can't even have loud morning sex unless I'm at Mr C's. BUT I have two dogs.....I can't take them to Mr C's, this is my conundrum

SBD it's not a clear cut easy decision for me to change my name tbh- it's because I have some things like bank account in my maiden name and others in my married name and I need to pick which one to use... seems silly to get things changed into married name when I'm getting divorced. It will mean having a different name to the DC but I doubt they will really care.

Ah it's tricky isn't it, with DC. How far is Mr C from you? Mr Cath Fach is about an hour in one direction in the week and about an hour the other direction at the weekends. Ex has the DC roughly every other weekend but Mr Cath Fach has been on loads of lad hols recently and sees him family/friends at the weekend. It doesn't help that I don't drive (although currently learning and hopefully not too far away). I'm lucky to have live in childcare so I'd be able to see him more often in the week. It's obviously a no-go for him to be round here with the kids at home, I'd be terrified of them walking in on us. And I can't afford travel lodge every week 😂

I've decided to keep my married name for now - certainly until kids are out of school - dont want a different name to them especially as he doesn't have to. If I get my private plate it will be maiden name initials for when I do go back but for now would look ok as also kids initials 😉