Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Good luck morenice and echo. About six months ago I had a Fab social - a possible exclusive FWB - Mr BC lol You just never know!

Marl I always found there were peaks and troughs with OLD.

Ah @InTheTempest you are in the sex haze. It's your hormones. Just watch yourself is my advice. And listen to what he tells you.

Definitely post-sex haze... I can easily separate emotions and sex, I don't get the the feels all that easy. But he's not someone I can separate them with.

Even so, it will settle down a bit over the next couple of days 😂 Id probably be happier if the sex was more regular too! It's so bloody good- I never expected that from him either..

I told Mr Old Fashioned that I saw him more of a friend that a potential partner/boyfriend and that while yes I would like to go to the theatre with him it would be as friends. He said sounds great, thanks for letting me know and drop me a line when you are ready. So at least he took it well that there is nothing romantic between us.

Mr Westie and Mr Persistent got in contact today. Mr Westie has a cold And Mr Persistent has been feeling down so that's why he hasn't felt like talking. Not holding out any hope for Mr Westie as I was on holiday when we matched and he said I can't wait until your back so we can hangout. Been back a week and he hasn't arranged to see me once.

Knees touching under the table. Slightly tipsy. We shall seeee

Ooooooh More

I'm back from a weekend at Mr Ad's.
Had a lovely time just being in his company. I feel like I was meant to find him. Sounds daft I know but it's how I feel.

I'm pleased it's working out @Sunshineandflipflops you deserve it after Mr SAS. And it's not easy having a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. But you seem to be handling it really well and he's being honest with you. Maybe it's what you both needed.

Why do I have a feeling the knee touching had gone to lips touching @MoreNiceCereal

Thanks @lifegoes. You know what though...so far it's preferable than being in a marriage with a man who decided 12 years in that he wanted to live the life of a single man and put his social life before his wife and children.
Mr Ad over thinks but he's honest and kind and respectful and I feel very lucky.

eesha I’m on tinder and OKC at the mo. Not had 1 message on OKC ☹️

I know batshit it’s just frustrating as I know what I want now and am ready for it but not getting and chats or anything

Lovely update sunshine 😍

Ooooh nice one morenice

@Sunshineandflipflops that's his loss and he has to live with that choice. You have too many great things ahead of you than what's behind you.

Dancer good that he took it well.

More sounds like you're having fun 😄

When I started OLD I went on POF, it was really grim. Loads of fakes and weirdos and random dick pics. Yuck.

Paid for a match.com subscription but fuck knows why, only went on one date from that which was rubbish and the men on it were hideous.

Tinder has probably had the most success for me. Most dates and things. I had a name for him didn't I? Mr Cath Fach. I met him on there anyway. And haven't found tinder to be as disgusting as I imagined.

Bumble i found similar but less choice, less dates.

I met Mr Ad on Bumble. I found less matches but better quality 😂

I did also have some dates with decent men on Match too though and found it a good and 'safe' site for starting out on OLD.

Mr Ad has asked me if I'd like to meet his parents! I haven't done that since I was about 19! I am 41 now...

life you're not wrong.

He's just lovely. No games, no pissing about. He kissed me on the station platform and waited for my train to leave, with us grinning at each other through the window. I'm a little bit twitterpated.

@morenicecereal so happy for you
This is going to be a good thread!

Marlboroandmalbec34 I've never had any success with either OKC or Bumble.
I can also go for weeks without any interest at all. Then they all seem to appear at once.
I frequently delete my profile and start again, which sometimes helps.

Sunshineandflipflops such a lovely update

My date today was ok. Physically he's not my usual type but he was lovely to chat to. It would only be FWB if we took it further. He's probably more keen that I am.
I'm just not sure if I fancy him enough to get naked with him.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm probably coming off OkCupid, lots of messages but no one I'd be interested in. Only one I thought a spark, swapped numbers and then he tells me he has nil contact with his children, major red flag for me. Sigh.

More sounds like you had a great time 😂 how lovely.

Echo I guess if you don't fancy him would fwb be any good? I don't know, maybe it works better in some ways. Where there's not a massive spark to begin with...

The number of members on okc has declined since the last time I was on it. Bumble and Tinder have definitely taken something of their members.

@EchoElephant Imo only but I would only start a FWB relationship with someone roughly on the same page otherwise someone may try and push things forward.

In case it helps all my FWBs have been Mr Right Nows rather than Mr Rights. This stops me from falling for them.

InTheTempest it's a difficult one.
He has a great personality and if it was 'normal' dating then I'd want to meet him again to get to know him better.
But, it's FWB, and the expectation is that the next time we meet it's to have sex. However, I think if I said 'could we meet again for a drink, and not just jump straight into bed' then he would probably say yes to that.
And if he doesn't then it's time to move on.

saltysally x post there. We're on the same page with what we're looking for, exclusive FWB.
If I close my eyes he could probably seduce me with just his voice. I normally go for tall, athletic men and he's the opposite of that.

@EchoElephant meeting him for a drink sounds a good idea. As for the physical attraction, that sounds a problem for you and fair enough. You need to want to see him naked.

Was there any chemistry?

Echo I guess you do need to fancy him a little bit at least... i couldn't have sex with someone I didn't find attractive.

What makes a perfect fwb or fb? I suppose easier to imagine fb.... cos for me they'd be drop dead gorgeous and everything I find attractive.... but maybe not too interesting as a person so there was no chance of ending up really liking them or something. Still nice enough but maybe a bit boring...