Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

MoreNiceCereal you are right, I know you are right. I just can't bring myself to do it.

The problem is from February, we were 'dating', it was never meant to be a fb or fwb situation iyswim? So I left myself open and never tried to tell myself not to get feelings for him. Not that I intended to rush into anything either but I couldn't help liking him.

It has been more casual since July but we still message all the time. He talks about going away together, doing things. Problem is he's always so busy. The other night we mentioned trying to do something in November as things should have quietened down a bit.

I am definitely getting more emotionally attached. The way he looks at me during sex....gah! Could almost fool myself to thinking it means more. But it doesn't. Cuddled up when we were going to sleep felt soooo good the other night.

I'm trying to keep a check on it. I'm not fooling myself that anything else is going to happen. It's whether I can keep things as they are and be ok. I like a clean end to things so maybe I need to say how I feel then walk away from it.

Sally I know you are right. I know how daft I'm being 😂 well kind of anyway, I'm realistic that there's no fairytale ending (never is in life).

It's just very hard- we literally talk all the time. So it would be very odd not having that. I don't think I could ever just stay friends.

I have a feeling that it's more about timing and the distances than anything else. But either way, it's not going to change.

It's funny, I very nearly swiped left thinking he was too young 😂

@inthetempest read rules 3, 4, 7, 12 and 13 on the first page. Major breach of the dating standards. 😉

For the xpost in the last sentence, read rule 13 twice 😂

😂 I know, I know. I thought he was too young, but on our first date we had such a spark, it was amazing.

The other guy I've been on dates with recently is actually 22 as well. They are very different characters. I'd never date anyone younger than 21 (a 19 year old at work asked he out recently 😱). I've been on lots of dates with guys in their 20s and it tends to be better than guys in their 30s, more fun and better conversation I've found, surprisingly on the conversation front.

Morning everyone, if you haven’t seen the thread below go for a read, most of the posters would have a shit fit if they read this thread!!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3710038-To-wonder-how-the-fuck-people-have-sex

Haha classic MN wtf-ery

I read some of it last night, truly wtf 😂

Lol at that thread and the pearl clutching! The 'leaving the gate open at the miserable git farm' comment made me PMSL

Been swapping messages with guy from POF for about a month.. all normal how are you? Any plans for the week kind of messages.. he's asked for a date but I'm very sceptical.. past relationship has really put me off dating so it takes a lot for me to even consider meeting for a coffee but I was starting to think I might meet him soon.. then bam this morning 2 sodding dick pic's.. not asked for them not even remotely mentioned anything sexual.. wtf this man is 47 years of age what goes on in their minds!!

Deleted & blocked... is it any wonder women are choosing to stay single

Spent the night at MrWades last night. In person it all felt the same and was a lovely evening and morning - i really need to stop overthinking and over analysing messages in between meeting - it may well crash and burn but it hasn't yet and I should learn to just enjoy it rather than self sabotarging in an effort to get out before getting hurt - I was never like this before dickhead exdh screwed me over 🤦‍♀️😡

@InTheTempest what is it you wanted from your relationship? I'd say it's very unlikely that a 22 year old would want a serious relationship that would mean taking on 2 children. So it was always going to be limited. I agree with the advice to cut your losses now before you get in any deeper.

Not cool mum I don't know if I really knew what I wanted when it began early this year, I was only 6 months on from splitting with ex husband. I guess a gradual see how it goes type of thing. I still don't want anything too serious too fast.

I thought the same that the DC would be an issue but we spoke early on about it and it doesn't seem to be a problem for him at all. Due to his family situation I don't think things like that phase him. I've actually found older guys without their own children seem to have more of an issue

Help! I have an impromptu date in about an hour.
We were supposed to meet later in the week but he asked if I was free for a coffee this afternoon. So I thought why not?

Now I'm kind of regretting saying yes as I look a mess. I don't have time to wash my hair.
Oh well! What's the worse that could happen?
It's a Fab date but he says he wants exclusive FWB, which is the same as me. But I never believe anything anyone says any more.

Good luck elephant!! I sometimes use a bit of baby powder to freshen up my hair, then sling it into a messy bun. My DC would say it's just messy in general but it's definitely a style choice.

Two and a half hours before I leave to meet my friend....I still can't remember what I've nicknamed him.

Feel absolutely tortured. Late afternoon on a Sunday? What was I thinking! It's been such a long week.

We've been messaging as usual so it's just nerves rather than anything untoward.

Good luck echoelephant and morenicecereal, hope the dates go well!

Sometimes for me it's the effort of getting ready and going out that I get fed up of. Maybe better to not bother too much! 😂

@InTheTempest we don't think about these things early on when it's just fun. But if you are developing feelings I think you have to consider what a relationship would look like. He may not have an issue with you having kids. But is that the same as him wanting to step parent? Have you read Mr Unavailable and Thr Fallback Girl. It looks like you are choosing unavailable
/unsuitable men because you are unavailable yourself. All good for now of course, but not good if you want something more serious and long lasting.

Good luck on the dates @nomorecereal and @EchoElephant I'm meeting Mr B later. Can't even begin to think what to wear. Feeling very lazy this weekend.

Oh @dilly123 sounds like a lucky escape. When guys send me unexpected pictures of the their dicks. I reply with why are you sending me child pornography you know this is against the law right?! They don't half quickly delete you 😂

@Neverexpected2 so pleased your night went well. Yeah I think we all do that when we've been fucked over before. I really try to occupy my mind instead and remind myself that I've no idea what the other person is thinking. I don't even know what they are going to have dinner.

I agree with @Notcoolmum@InTheTempestnot many guys that age are looking to settle down. And certainly aren't mature enough to even understand the implications of taking on other children. If you are looking for a LTR I really wouldn't be dating 22yr olds

I just met Mr Compass for a quick lunch and walk in the park and an incredible snog behind the trees

Ah look at you all with your dates. No one wants to date me waaaaaaaah

Good luck morenice and echo have fun notcool sounds great salty

Plenty more fish in the sea they reckon! Why do I always have my eye on the rancid salmon swimming away? (Totally stole this line. Probs from one of you lovely lot!)

Oh go you, salty!

Am bricking it. We get.on well via text and face.to face but this is a proper datey type thing. Alcohol will help smooth things over surely.

Am wearing an outfit I would've worn as a grunge-y teenager in the mid-90s; a black flowered dress, tights, clunky black boots, a hoodie and a denim jacket over the top. I don't know.why but I find it kind of comforting to wear!

Can't even grammar properly. This is silly right.

Salty that sounds good 😄 notcool hope you have a good one later on too.

See this is the thing, I don't think I ever wanted a long term relationship or anything. I got out of a horrible marriage just over a year ago and started OLD as a bit of fun. Not thinking about a relationship at all. I must have met up with 20 different guys in that time- most of the time it's only been one or two dates. A few people that I would have seen again but wasn't that fussed with.

I never expected to get feelings for this one 😂 I really did just think he'd be a bit of fun but there was a spark on that first date/ And since he got back in touch in July it's clear from conversations etc that even if not a romantic relationship, there is genuine friendship there too. I actually don't think the kids are the issue- from his family background and his views on things I don't think it makes too much of a difference- it wouldn't be different if I didn't have kids. I just don't think he's ready to commit to anyone right now. It wasn't an issue at all at the beginning as l really was expecting nothing. I'm still not looking for a relationship- what I mean is if this goes nowhere which seems likely, it's not like I'm looking for a more 'serious' candidate as it were! 😂

I'm quite content being single I suppose... OLD was only ever meant to be fun and it's just a surprise that I actually ended up liking someone from it.

I think I'm just always a bit moony in the couple of days after a long sesh with him too. It'll calm down over the next few days 😂

Morenicecereal enjoy it. That sounds a fab outfit btw, sort of thing i like wearing.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 which sites are you on? I'm not having much luck myself, am on Bumble, Tinder and OkCupid. To be fair I was hardly swiping right on anyone but just not really feeling it with anyone.