Dating thread 171: Turning over new leaves as we head into autumn

[saltysally]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

I have an old FB that's cone back out to play. We didn't end on bad terms. Just drifted apart. But anyway he's back. Seeing him next week. It's actually just what I need right now, because he's completely different to the last prick. He doesn't lie, he treats me amazingly and ALWAYS makes time for me when I want to see him. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

The date was okay. Mr Old Fashioned lived up to his name of being old fashioned. He is only a year older than me yet looks and acts 10 years older than he is. I could see him being a friend but no romantic spark. It's not that it was a bad date just no spark or connection. It was like having lunch with a friend not a potential partner

Iron struck off. He doesn't want anything exclusive. Glad I established that quickly. Think I'll make it one of the questions I ask very soon after making contact.

Can I rejoin? Posted briefly on the last thread.

Need to catch up a bit. I'm feeling a little low and lovesick today. Just to recap, I'm 31 and the lad I've been seeing casually on/off since Feb is 22. I've been and got the feels for him, stupidly. Fancy him like mad, he makes me laugh, sex is great and we get on loads. Don't get to see eachother much and I doubt very much that he wants anything more than what it is right now. I know it's wrong of me but I don't want to bring it up as don't want to end up without seeing him at all.

Saw him for the first time in a few weeks last night and it was so good. And I know now I won't see him again in a few weeks and I feel sad. I need to get a grip I know. Ugh... just needed to offload. Don't want anyone IRL knowing quite how pathetic I am 😂

I've had several guys end up apparently get feelings for me for me recently, including an old school friend who I have literally only ever thought of as a friend. Why oh why is it never the one you want? 😩

On the train home. I'm thankful that he had a meeting with his family to attending as his brother as him have had a disagreement so they are being made to sit down and sort it out.
There just wasn't any sexual tension or anything there. I have just put my finger on it; it was like going for a date with my dad. Similar shoes, similar dress sense. He just seems far to mature for his age. I know i usually go for older men and men in their early 30s but he seemed more like late 30s early 40s with his interests, life views and experiences.

Does anyone have a good wording for thanks for the date, I see you more as a friend than anything else?

Dancer I would just say it exactly like that really. Makes it clear. I've made the mistake in the past of trying to make an excuse that wasn't necessarily the truth and regretted it as they didn't get the message that I wasn't interested.

No but I need to do the same with someone who lives very nearby and is nice to talk to but nothing there. I don't know how to word it.

Hi @InTheTempest can I ask why you don't see him often? Was the agreement only FB?

Hi life goes (nice one on your fb btw 👍)

We don't see eachother often because we don't live near. His hometown is just over an hour away, and he works an hour in the other direction in the week. He works very long hours in the week and goes back home at the weekend- has also been very busy with hols and things lately. I also don't currently drive although am learning and hopefully not too far away.

Oh and it was never really an agreement of fb..... we first started seeing eachother earlier this year for a month but he ended it cos we couldn't see eachother much. He got back in touch a few months ago now and we have just fallen into this casual thing but we message multiple times every single day without fail...

Dancer I would say just that. It's kind but clear.

Def no OW around? @InTheTempest

I've just got home from visiting friends with one of my DC and Mr BC has messaged to say his in laws aren't coming until tomorrow morning, so he could see me if I'm free ... I am free, but knackered (although feeling a lot better now) so I said yes I've not seen him for a week so am excited. Need to titivate a bit before he gets here ....

No- definitely no gf. As it's casual I know there was another girl he slept with a few months ago but he was very open about this. I don't think he has slept with anyone other than me recently.

I know that it's going nowhere, he's a really lovely lad and treats me well but he doesn't want to be tied down, it's just unfortunate that of all of them I've met doing online dating, he is the one that I've developed feelings for. The thought of not seeing him upsets me. I can't bring myself to stop it despite knowing I'm probably setting myself up for more upset. Very teenage, I should definitely know better by now.

@dancer could he not have lied about his age? A lot of men do.

He showed me his ID because I didn't believe his age and apparently he gets that he looks older all the time.
I know not everyone looks their age, I still get ID'd and was mistaken for 20 on my 26th birthday.
I was already feeling more of a friend vibe from him anyway before the date so I'm not surprised that there was no connection or anything there.

Some people have old souls.

I have reconnected with an old iron. I shall call him Mr Melt

Hmm that sounds bad. What I really want to call him I can't post here haha

Mr Compass

Better

Oo the thread's gone quiet this evening-hopefully you lovely lot are all busy out enjoying dates!things going well with mr S.dd very receptive to him,ds will need some time as expected.

@InTheTempest do you want family in the future? You're still young now, but this lad is very young. Are you still actively swiping/looking irl?

Supercali I already have DC, and I'm happy with my lot on that score. I'm open-minded to the future though, I would maybe have more. It's no burning desire for me though.

I have recently been on a couple of dates with someone else who I do like, he's nice, much more local and who seems to like me more than I expected. But where I've got the feels for the first lad, it's hard to see past him.

It's so bloody frustrating 😂 I'm lighthearted about it- honestly I'm realistic and have had so many knocks in life that I'm actually pretty resilient. But I can't help be a little wistful and wish of all the guys I have met (with several getting feelings for me), why can't it be him? It's always the way.

This is hard, @InTheTempest, but my strong suggestion to you is to end it. Protect your heart, above all else. His reason for ending things remains in force but now he has a pretend gf in you instead.

Why would he change things? Emotional stroking, casual sex, it's a good setup from his perspective. But for you, as time goes on, you become more emotionally bonded to him while the sex cements that feeling.

At least for me, I cannot successfully embark on a FB arrangement if I am emotionally attached. Earlier this week I ended it with one man and felt fine because we kept comms at surface level.

The probability of you getting hurt here is high.

Good night @supercali77? 😉

Mr Compass just about melted my phone. Funnily enough predictive text just said melted my head which is part of the connection. Love that cerebral chemistry.

Need to tell Mr Green later I won't be seeing him again too.

@onthetempest agree with all the great advice that has been given. He may be 9 years younger but he's got you right where he wants you. His feelings aren't going to change so don't read into his actions. He is actually giving you very little in return for your near? adoration. I also agree you need to let him go so you can find someone who wants you just as much as you want them. Good luck