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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this rape?

138 replies

bumbleboots · 29/09/2019 02:01

Met a guy on tinder.
Arranged to meet for a late drink.
Got on well.
There seemed to be chemistry.
Both recent break ups after 4 year plus long relationship.
On the rebound
Agree to have sex.
Go back to his hotel.
Kissing. Fingering (sorry) etc.
He then penetrated me without a condom.
I said "no, you need a condom"
He carries on.
I make to move myself away.
He won't let go.
I said "no you need a condom"
He holds me down and cums inside me.
I am shocked
Feel ridiculously stupid
I put myself in a bad position
I say nothing
Get dressed
Go home
In shock
He unmatched me on tinder
I am covered in his cum
I feel disgusting
In shock
Feel stupid

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 29/09/2019 02:03

Yes it was rape.

Don’t bathe and go to the police.

Sorry this happened to you.

AntiHop · 29/09/2019 02:04

Yes it is. I'm so sorry OP. You need to call Rape crisis right now.

TyneTeas · 29/09/2019 02:04

Yes

Sorry

C0untDucku1a · 29/09/2019 02:05

Go to the police.

pepper0ni · 29/09/2019 02:06

oh jesus OP. go to the police please. big big hugs to you

Original poster
bumbleboots · 29/09/2019 02:09

Can't really move. Police scare me. Sorry for being pathetic. I've been raped before and I never act. Shame embarrassment and the immobility of shock. He leaves the country in the morning

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 29/09/2019 02:10

Sorry this happened to you.

Yes rape. Call police and a friend for support. Any friend will be there for you no matter the time. Call them.

Not your fault, a horrible abuse of power. Get all the support and care you can. You are probably in shock still. Be kind to yourself.

FrenchSchnoodle · 29/09/2019 02:12

He is disgusting. It doesn't matter for now how you ended up meeting him etc, it matters that you said no and he carried on.

Go to the police. It doesn't matter that he has unmatched with you, there will be cctv from the hotel and presumably he will have given the hotel his bank card details and name so that any breakages or extras could be charged to him if needed. The police will find him.

So so sorry for you.

FrenchSchnoodle · 29/09/2019 02:14

Cross posts with your update.

Can you call Rape crisis and get some support or do you have a friend who you could call? No one will care that it's late, you need help. Please call the police.

TyneTeas · 29/09/2019 02:15

There's been a case in the news recently about informed consent. Consent was given on the basis of a vasectomy. However he hadn't had one.

sittingonacornflake · 29/09/2019 02:16

Oh OP you've had some excellent advice already. I would just say time is of the essence if he is due to leave the country, the police will need to find him over night. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

wavecatcher · 29/09/2019 02:19

I am so sorry, and angry for you. It was not your fault. Please act now, you can get control of this. You will be supported, for now we are here with you until you can get help in real life. He can be stopped, please act now while you have dna evidence.

Weenurse · 29/09/2019 03:01

Police please

Ohmydaysmate · 29/09/2019 03:13

If he leaves the country in the Morning all the more reason to report it now... he could do it someone else, it's bad enough he's done that to you. Sorry you've had to experience that 💐 please report

Twillow · 29/09/2019 03:14

Definitely.

MyOtherProfile · 29/09/2019 03:16

Call the police before he goes on to do this to anyone else. And don't forget to get tested for everything.

OneHanded · 29/09/2019 03:19

I am so so sorry ❤️ You’ve recognised it and that’s half the battle but we are all one hundred percent here and behind you

Adviceorhelp · 29/09/2019 03:47

I hope you went to the police. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Look after yourself.

Needsomebottle · 29/09/2019 06:12

Please please go to the police. Don't shower. Don't wash your clothes. Put your clothes in a plastic bag and change if you need to. Take spare clothes with you. I'm so so sorry this awful thing has happened to you.

If you have showered, please still don't wash your clothes. You poor thing. This is absolutely not your fault.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 29/09/2019 07:25

Oh god, @bumbleboots you poor thing. Please go to the police and report him. And bring a friend if you can for support.

JaneyJimplin · 29/09/2019 07:27

Yes, he raped you. I'm so sorry.

category12 · 29/09/2019 07:29

You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to. I wish everyone would stop telling you to.

Do what's best for you, right now. Speak to Rape Crisis.

Springfern · 29/09/2019 08:29

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Yes it was rape. If you dont want to go to the police yet you can go to your local Sexual Result Referal Centre (SARC) it's a special wing of a hospital where they will take forensics and can hold them (I think up to 7 years) until you feel ready to go to the police (if you do, you dont have to, you know what is best for you) They will also provide you with emotional support. And please ring rape crisis. The national helpline opens at 12. Sending love xx

Springfern · 29/09/2019 08:31

I just want to reiterate what category12 said. You have no obligation to go to the police if you dont want to so please dont feel pressured to. You know what is best for you

CallmeAngelina · 29/09/2019 09:00

You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to, no, and it sounds as if you are in shock right now.
But does anyone know if any action could be taken at a later date if he has left the country? (Hopefully yes, which means the OP can take stock for a while). Would his departure be able to be halted if the police were informed in time?

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