Moving out from abusive partner and legal rights

[Lena007]

I'm planning to move out with DS to escape abuser. He knows I will be moving out but doesn't know when.

Is it legal to take some furniture with me? (Sofa bed, TV stand and table and chairs, the rest of it I can leave behind). 4 bedroom house fully furnished. He says I'm not allowed to take anything except of personal possessions like clothes/shoes. Everything else is joined therefore because I voluntarily leave the house, it has to stay in it until we divorce. I just want a few basics for a start so I won't have to buy it all again. He is not willing to sell the house and is planning to rent bedrooms when I'm gone. The house is jointly owned still on mortgage. Can he do this when I object?

I'm scared that I won't be allowed to be back in the house and won't see everything left there ever again.

I'm so lost.

If they don't belong to a Landlord (ie they are yours and your soon to be ex's) then take them.

What is he going to do? Report you to the police? And if so what are they going to say? It's a civil matter.

Take what you want and ignore him, he's still trying to control you now even tho he knows you are leaving, it's like a parting shot.

Good luck

Take the things you want. All that will happen Is when the Divorce is going through it will be decided who has what and if you have to return anything to him (really unlikely) then you can. But take whatever you want. He can’t do anything.

Also- check with a solicitor if you are entitled to anything from the rent he makes from letting rooms out.

He is not willing to sell the house and is planning to rent bedrooms when I'm gone
He will owe you 50% of any takings on lodgings.
Is he planning to buy you out?
Is he going to be paying the mortgage in full?
Of course you can take some of YOUR belongings.
Stop listening to his bullshit.
If you want to sell then stay there until you have done so.
You either sell or he buys you out.
Those are the only 2 options HE has.
He doesn't get to dictate what you can and can't do.
Get some estate agents round to value the property.
Report all of his abuse to the police on 101 - ask for the DV team.
Is he physically abusive?
Stop being lost.
Legal advice.

Lean on friends and family.
Do NOT move out yet.
Live as separately as you can if you don't feel in danger.
No cooking, washing, cleaning, tidying, shopping for him at all.
Get locks put on your doors, your bedroom door at least.
He cannot get lodgers without your signed consent as you are joint owners!
If he wants lodgers then he gets paperwork drawn up and hands over half of all profits to you.
I know you are scared but you now need to stand up to this bully.
He cannot do all the things he is claiming he can.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid?
They can help you with a good exit plan.
Also please call Rights of Women and Shelter.
They can give you free advice about your housing situation.

Thank you all for advice.

Solicitor said to move out and he will need to pay half of my rent because I have to move out due to his unreasonable behaviour. Was trying to phone solicitor but they are closed today. He won't move.

I'm with Womans aid. Moving to friends and getting a court order to sell the house. I can't leave there, it is hell, although he isn't psyhically abusive he doesn't leave me alone for a second. He is Brainwashing DS, asks him if daddy will stay in the house would he stay with him. Turns DS against me in every possible way so I can't stay there, I don't feel safe.

He doesn't help with household expenses. Doesn't pay for anything for DS and doesn't even want to hear about paying maintenance. I was thinking about going through CMS but how can I prove we aren't together any longer if we are still in the same house

Why does he know you're leaving...?

Have you split already or are you fleeing?

I would photograph every room before leaving and write up an inventory. You could also estimate the cost of items. Value of what you take vs what is left.

I guess you will have to take it whilst he is out of the property as he may get aggressive.

It shouldn't be like this but he is likely to claim you took everything and it had really high values since he is being an arse.

We are separated since early July. He is telling me everyday to move out, he is recording me, calling names, arguing, threatening, snooping, messing around our DS head, winding him up by telling him how cruel and two faced I am and that I lie to DS all the time. DS (9) has started hitting me and been v cheeky. I have to go, don't feel safe, it isn't going to get better if I stay here any longer.

Good point about taking pictures and making an inventory list, thanks I will do it.
Solicitor got back to me saying I can take 'a fair share' of everything and it's going to be easier to take it now rather than claim it back later. Also, as DS is moving out with me, I can take all his stuff.
It isn't going to go down well.

One step at time and will get there eventually!

Can you go when he’s out? At work or something? And make sure you have help.

You can have the police on standby if you think he’ll kick off when you move out. Take all of ds’s stuff and half of everything else.

He doesn't help with household expenses. Doesn't pay for anything for DS and doesn't even want to hear about paying maintenance

Your solicitor has told you to move out and your stbxh will be liable for half of your rent? Is your solicitor one that was recommended to you by WA and has s/he told you how to get blood out of a stone ensure that he pays up?

If you move out you can put money on your stbxh dragging proceedings out for months, if not a year or more, before the house is put on the market and he won't pay a penny towards your rent.

A better plan would be for you to document all of his unreasonable behaviour as following you around, recording you, calling you names, threatening you, snooping, trying to turn ds against you is tantamount to harassment and intimidation, and provides grounds for you to apply for a emergency ex parte occupation order which will compel him to leave the marital home pending a full hearing of the case - this is usually within 4 weeks of the date of the ex parte order.

If you are still set on leaving, book moving truck for a day on which you are confident your stxh will be at work and take all of your own and your dc's personal belongings together with as many items of value as you can, plus all the essentials you will need - washing machine, dishwasher, sofas, tvs etc - to provide a functioning home for your dc.

Rope in as many friends as you can to help you and regard it as a grab and run exercise. Perhaps you could leave a webcam running so you can have the pleasure of seeing his face when he returns and realises his home is more than half empty.

Btw, make contact with your mortgage company, appraise them of the situation and make it clear that you do not give your consent to your stbxh subletting any part of the property.

If he gets tenants he'll have further excuse reason to prolong a sale as they will require notice before the property can be sold with free and clear title.

The war of attrition he's waging is designed to force you out. I would encourage let him keep upping the ante until he oversteps the mark whereupon I would call the police and have him removed.

I expect you know that, subject to income/savings etc, legal aid may be available for divorce cases where dv has been documented with the police,

Yes the solicitor is the one recommended by WA.

She wants to get a court order to sell the property because she knows he won't cooperate. She also says that once I move out, I can start claiming child maintenance via CMS. Plus not having to pay all the bills without any financial help from him.

Friends on stand by waiting for a green light.

I'm terrified but also excited about the new start. It will get better. It will be so nice to finally have a peace and quiet at home.

Solicitor has applied for Emergency legal aid and we are just waiting to hear back.

Claiming maintenance via CMS is not a guarantee that he'll pay and there have been numerous occasions where the CMS has not followed through on arrears accumulated by non-payers.

Plus not having to pay all the bills without any financial help from him

Are you saying that, in addition to rent and child maintenance, you are expecting him to contribute to your bills?

I don't want to rain on your parade but I can't see it happening. He's the type that will use any/every trick in the book to avoid paying you a penny and, after he's used them up, he'll write his own book of delaying tactics.

If you are granted legal aid it would suggest that you have established a well-documented history of domestic abuse with some police involvement in which case, to my mind, the best option would be to apply for an emergency ex parte occupation order. There's no option to apply for a similar court order to force a sale and the process can not only take a long time, it can also be very expensive.

This man is determined to punish you; he'll happily see you in the gutter without a penny to your name and he'll be wise to the fact that he can put a huge spanner in your works by simply being unavailable for service of court documents.

Are you married to your abuser?

Possession is often 9/10th of the law.

Should you succeed in obtaining a court order to force a sale, he will still be resident in the house and thus will be in prime position to cause endless delay to any sale by installing tenants, 'forgetting' estate agents appointments, insisting on an inflated sale price, putting potential buyers off the property etc.

Add the Brexit effect and I would be surprised if the house is sold by this time next year. Meantime, you'll be living on a shoestring with no financial input from him. Are you in paid employment, OP?

I really do hope you get out of this terrible situation, I don’t have any advice to give you in the circumstances other than to say wish you the very very best 💐

He’s clearly trying to control you & knows he’s losing his grip on you.

He can’t tell you what to do - you get to make your own decisions now.

I really do wish you the very best and hope you post a follow up to let everyone know how you’re doing 💕

@DonKeyshot I'm so sorry, I've probably not explained it well.

We live in a large 4bed at the moment and all bills come up to quite a lot including council tax, gas, heating, insurances, factors, plus afterschool for DS. He only pays the mortgage which is £500 a month. I pay for everything else.

I absolutely don't expect him to contribute to my rent and I know for a fact that he wouldn't do it in a million years. But this is what solicitor said, the reason being that I'm forced to move out due to his unreasonable behaviour. I've asked him to move out and of course the answer was NO.

I'm in full time job with reasonable income. I can live with DS in a smaller flat which is not going to be that expensive.

If he isn't going to pay child maintenance, I can still manage financially. At least we will be free and won't have to see him every day.

Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

How are you planning to move out? If you hire a man with a van they should be able to get out what you need in a few hours whilst the ex is at work.
Have you got important papers hidden somewhere away from the house?

I second asking for police presence when you move out all your belongings.
Good luck!

I've got a few friends coming to help and a man and a van when stbex will be at work.

Stbex is already raging with me. We had 2 cars between us and he owned both of them (both of these were bought when we were together but in his name). Ocourse when he felt like it he took a car keys off me and said he is going to sell one of them and I won't get to use the other one because it's his. He knows I need a car for work and school runs. I've bought my own car to be independent of his moods and he went bonkers saying he hates me for it and had he known I was going to get a new car, he would have sold one of the cars straight away.

I'm going to speak to police today to make them aware that I'm moving out with DS and they may need to intervene.

He said if he is back home from work one day and DS won't be there he will call the police that I've taken him. And the same goes for furniture if I take anything police will be informed.

Of course he needs fully furnished house if he is planning to rent the room out. I will speak to our lender too and ensure they are aware of what he is going to do

Your stbx is talking crap of course
You.have every right to.do what you.have planned and with full support of the law.
Good luck