Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Moving out from abusive partner and legal rights

156 replies

Lena007 · 27/09/2019 14:17

I'm planning to move out with DS to escape abuser. He knows I will be moving out but doesn't know when.

Is it legal to take some furniture with me? (Sofa bed, TV stand and table and chairs, the rest of it I can leave behind). 4 bedroom house fully furnished. He says I'm not allowed to take anything except of personal possessions like clothes/shoes. Everything else is joined therefore because I voluntarily leave the house, it has to stay in it until we divorce. I just want a few basics for a start so I won't have to buy it all again. He is not willing to sell the house and is planning to rent bedrooms when I'm gone. The house is jointly owned still on mortgage. Can he do this when I object?

I'm scared that I won't be allowed to be back in the house and won't see everything left there ever again.

I'm so lost.

OP posts:
prawneater · 01/10/2019 14:04

Op there was a thread recently where the dad had taken the dd and was refusing contact with her mum. The judge then made him the resident parent as the dd had then been with him for 2 weeks, and for some reason decided it was too unsettling to change her residence again. Please be careful. Make the emergency application yourself if need be. Don't allow him to tell you what you need to do. Have you actually gone into the school and spoken to the headmaster yourself?

Clangus00 · 01/10/2019 14:05

You don't need a court order to collect your son today.
However, I fully understand that you don't want to put your son or the school in the middle of a "pick up early" battle until one of you just doesn't take him to school the next day!
How is the application for the court order going? Will you be in court later today or tomorrow?

aweedropofsancerre · 01/10/2019 14:13

There is no court order in place and the school have no right not to allow you to pick up your own DC. I would be there collecting him if my ex did something like that.

CodenameVillanelle · 01/10/2019 14:17

If I were you I would go and get him and keep him off school until the court hearing.
That's not necessarily the most professional advice but that's what I would do.

elaeocarpus · 01/10/2019 14:45

I was thinking what @prawneater said about the other thread.

Its been deleted at the mums request. But essentially after 10 yrs of mum being primary carer with dad have regular nights/ holidays he just refused to return child after 1 week of holiday. Citing all sorts of stuff but mainly that child said they disnt want to live with mum anymore, he refused mum any contact.
He kept child off school for a week

Mum got an emergency contact court hearing which by the time it was heard meant dad had child 2weeks and they said to keep child with dad until formal residency hearing about 6 weeks time.

Be careful OP, playing nicely may screw you over. I know you don't want to end up in a tit fir tat school pick up thing but i think you need to get your child and work out how to keep them in your care until a court order. You said dad said child was ill? Early pick up, gp visit, official signed off at home with you whilst you get court order??

Happyornot · 01/10/2019 15:04

I agree with what the PPs have said, go and get him! I understand your reasons but your DH could be saying all sorts of things to your DC about you, so you want him to know it's not true and you want to look after him etc. You don't want him turning against you, get him and squeeze him tight tonight. Thinking of you x

ifpossible · 01/10/2019 16:06

I’m in Scotland and I know of 2 kids in my child’s class that have been subject of a court order returned to their mothers immediately at some point on a Monday after dad’s never returned the kids at the weekend. I didn’t want to sound harsh in pp but if I were you and your solicitor was in court unable to help this morning then they should have got someone who could. This is an emergency situation. I know how destroyed you are right now - what you say rings so many bells with my own previous situation. This caring for his son is all a pretence - he’s trying to push your buttons and make you over react. Get the solicitor moving, get tour son back and do not show that idiot any mercy:

Original poster
Lena007 · 02/10/2019 04:19

I've got him!

After seeing the another solicitor in the afternoon, we have set a plan of action.

I took DS out to see his newborn cousin who actually was born yesterday morning. Then I've just never returned him. I've sent a txt to dad to say that DS is staying overnight with me and I'm going to drop him off to school and pick him up; that MIL is more than welcome to stay over at our house for a limited time when she is visiting her grandchild BUT I don't agree for her to look after our DS as it is not her role; DS has both capable parents in the first place. I've also said he is not to come anywhere near to where we live at the moment without prior arrangement.

He phoned me 25 times, I haven't blocked him as effectively he is ignoring what police had said that he is not to contact me, unless it's through my solicitor. Then he appeared at the door assisted by his friend and whilst stbxh was banging the door, his friend phoned police. But police had done exactly as much as they did for me the other night when this sly peace of sh!t took DS away.

Now, I'm going to drop DS to school tomorrow and speak to them to make them aware that they are not allowed to hand my DS over to anyone other than his parents. Then they will probably say that dad had spoken with them yesterday and was happy with MIL picking DS up for at least the next couple of weeks. And, if this is what they say, which they will, I've to phone the solicitor and he is sending out all docs to the legal board asking for emergency legal aid, interim child residence order, order for sale of the house and divorce due to his unreasonable behaviour being disregarding my parental decisions, not being able to cooperate and doing his own way no matter what.

Stbxh has already sent a txt saying he is going to see me tomorrow morning at the school gates and that he is picking DS up at 3pm and DS can decide where he wants to go. DS as been absolutely brainwashed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lena007 · 02/10/2019 04:32

Stbxh changed locks and refused to give me a new spare key. The reason being the fact that I have already stolen stuff from marital home, and he is afraid I will take more stuff away. He has left a spare key with his pal who is our neighbour a cross the road and told me to go and ask for the key if stbex is away. It is ridiculous that I've to ask neighbours for the key to my own house.

He went to the airport last night to pick MIL and at that time I went to the said neighbour asking for the key. He was really alright, gave me the key no problem. I've grabbed DS's school bag from the house, kept the key and drove back to where we live. 3 minutes later I'm getting a txt from stbxh saying that's fine then, he us going to change the locks again tomorrow!! I don't think he realises how bad it sounds and that he is actually giving me more ammunition. But if this is going to help I can play the long game with him.

OP posts:
prawneater · 02/10/2019 05:13

Are you sure you want to send him to school knowing he's going to try to take him and is going to put pressure on ds and kick off?

donethinkin · 02/10/2019 05:24

Do not send your child to school. Say he’s poorly. Been sick due to the stress and keep him off until all the orders are in place! He cannot lock you out of a house that has your name on it. You are entitled to walk back in or move back in whenever you want. You do not have to allow your MIL any access at all and certainly not at the moment. In fact, while he’s at the airport why don’t you and your ds move back in and lock them out! Make them go stay in a hotel. You have been way too soft. You pay everything and are primary carer. Time to start telling him what’s what not the other way around. If it was me I’d move back in while he’s out. That’s why he’s got the MIL over so that the house isn’t empty. Do not allow your DS out of your sight until you have that residency order.

donethinkin · 02/10/2019 05:26

Do not answer their calls. Do not allow access. Do not do anything they want. No visits no chats nothing. You are in the middle of solicitor action and therefore if he wants access he can engage his own solicitor and it can go to court to decide. You need to start playing hard ball and saying no. He can’t afford to buy you out of the house so you should be able to move back in. He doesn’t just get to keep a house that has your name on it

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 02/10/2019 05:47

For gods sake, do not send your DS to school!

Also, phone the police. If they have told him he cannot contact you, then they need to speak to him, as he is breaching it.

As soon as it’s 9am, contact your solicitor and women’s aid.

prawneater · 02/10/2019 05:57

He sounds completely unhinged. I wouldn't move back into the house as it just means he'll turn up at some point and your ds will be witness to his behaviour.
However, he ignores the police, he's threatening, he turns up at your current address and is likely to take ds from school again and won't allow access. If it were me I'd be going into a refuge until the court date and I'd let the police and school know I had concerns for safety.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 02/10/2019 06:00

I completely agree with @prawneater a refuge may we’ll be the best place for you.

ifpossible · 02/10/2019 06:34

Consider not sending him to school please.
Where does your MIL come from? What’s to stop him taking your son away as he starts to become more unhinged by you daring to stand up to him. Have social work not become involved if the police have been called?

ifpossible · 02/10/2019 06:38

Also how is your wee boy doing now?

Cherrysoup · 02/10/2019 07:08

You have the right to enter the house at will, talk to the solicitor about that and remind idiot ex that you can just break in if you have no access to the key. Be strong!

Original poster
Lena007 · 02/10/2019 07:09

He is fine. He is sleeping at the moment, was saying mum i love you, and lots of cuddles. He just doesn't understand what is going on. He loves his grandparents and is so upset he couldnt pick granny form the airport.

What do I tell him why he can't see daddy? He wanted to see him today. It brakes my heart the whole situation.

He was asking why have I taken away all stuff from his house
He is asking lots of difficult questions I have no idea how to answers

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/10/2019 07:13

He is 9 isn’t he? Old enough to understand parents separate simple truth here works, plain facts

kristallen · 02/10/2019 07:14

The only way to avoid DS being pressurised in public to choose one parent over another today is to avoid him going to school. It can't be a regular occurrence but given what Ex suggesting is going to happen at the end of school, DS needs to be kept safe.

kristallen · 02/10/2019 07:16

Tell him you're separating, you both still love him and a judge is going to make sure everything is ok. He'll see his dad and DGM in a few days.

elaeocarpus · 02/10/2019 07:19

Don't take child to school! You will lose him again , straight to solicitor with child and get court action today!

Clangus00 · 02/10/2019 07:20

Oh @Lena007 please don’t send him to school! Please just phone school and says he’s sick with the stress of all this, please don’t send him.

Quartz2208 · 02/10/2019 07:25

Yes no school until orders are in place

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.