Moving out from abusive partner and legal rights

[Lena007]

I'm planning to move out with DS to escape abuser. He knows I will be moving out but doesn't know when.

Is it legal to take some furniture with me? (Sofa bed, TV stand and table and chairs, the rest of it I can leave behind). 4 bedroom house fully furnished. He says I'm not allowed to take anything except of personal possessions like clothes/shoes. Everything else is joined therefore because I voluntarily leave the house, it has to stay in it until we divorce. I just want a few basics for a start so I won't have to buy it all again. He is not willing to sell the house and is planning to rent bedrooms when I'm gone. The house is jointly owned still on mortgage. Can he do this when I object?

I'm scared that I won't be allowed to be back in the house and won't see everything left there ever again.

I'm so lost.

I know there are various issues regarding house etc but I think you need to ask solicitor to get the residency court order sorted as a matter of urgency then dealing with everything else instead of all at once. Can Women’s Aid advise you on how to help your son understand what’s going on?

You mention that you ex said you were stealing things from the house. My ex said this to me and a friend said how can you be stealing they are your things. My friend was totally right. You have every right to half of the things.

I did get a loan out to buy new furniture but I have kept all the receipts to claim this money back when we sort out the money and divorce.

Good luck for today.

I will be speaking to head teacher at 12.
Solicitor knows the child residence order takes priority and the house and divorce will get sorted eventually. We need to stay safe first.

Did you take your son to school OP? Xx

Thank god you got him back and had lots of cuddles! It must be so heartbreaking.
Did you send him to school? Pick him up early, earlier than your husband will do. He says he is going at 3pm but that's probably a trick and he'll get there about 2.30pm. Let us know what the headteacher says.
Your husband is showing his true colours using your DS to get at you instead of acting like an adult. As others have said, maybe a refuge is best so that he can't get to you.

Keep saving his messages for your lawyer to use.

Save everything! I would not be sending ds to school if this were me

Would it be safer if you took your DS home after your mtg with the school at 12.

Ffs Lena, give your head a wobble. If you have sent ds to school today, collect him early and keep him off school until a residence order is in place.

To some extent you still appear to be a rabbit caught in the headlights, which isn't surprising given your ex's onslaughts over the last couple of days.

You need to wake up and be aware that in order to keep your ds safe you will have to channel your inner Boudicca and invoke the spirit of Machiavelli in order to outwit your ex.

At the time of writing there would seem to be nothing to stop your ex removing your ds from school at whatever time he chooses and putting the child on a plane with MIL later today in order to 'protect' him from the marital fallout.

Your ex will then claim that he was acting in the child's best interests as he was becoming increasingly distressed by YOUR unreasonable behaviour, and he will no doubt find some tinpot psychologist practising in MIL's location to prove his point.

I'm not saying he'll do this, but I would put money on him giving consideration to such a plan because it is abundantly clear that he will stop at nothing to get back at, or hurt, you.

As a loving and caring mother, your child's welfare and well being are paramount and you are determined not to stand in the way of your ds having a loving relationship with his df.

However. throughout the course of the last few days your ex has treated your ds as if he's a possession and now he's turned him into a prize that he's determined to win.

Your son is understandably confused, and most probably frightened, by this recent turn of events and you must do your utmost to undo the harm his df has caused him - and this means keeping him away from your increasingly unhinged ex until such time as court orders are in place.

As I said upthread, possession is 9/10ths of the law. Your child is NOT a possession but, in order to keep him safe, you must retain custody of him at all costs and do everything in your power to prevent him having any contact with his df until such time as you are both protected in law.

I hope to god that your current solicitor is treating your case as a matter of the utmost urgency and that interim orders are in place by the end of the week.

Is there any way you can fund an application for residency without relying on legal aid?

Was you able to collect your son from school today?

Have been thinking about you. Hope your solicitor was able to help today.

I sincerely hope that your ds is safe with you tonight and that you'll post an update when you have time to do so.

He appeared in front of the house this morning just when we were leaving. He must have been waiting for us. Of course with MIL and both of them started having a go at me on how bad am I and how Im blocking DS contacting his grandparents. Stbxh told DS to get to into his car and he is going to take him to GP and is going to keep him at home as DS isn't feeling well, which was loads of BS. I jfeel paralysed when he is arguing with me, it seems I don't even think straight any more at that time.

Head teacher was brilliant and very supportive. She said that if stbxh wants to pick DS up there is nothing she can do just now to stop him. DS is going to school tomorrow and I will be picking him up before lunch time and will keep him off school until interim court order is issued.

Forms for emergency child residence have been issued once I had spoken to head teacher. Solicitor said he is hoping to hear back tomorrow and he is going to chase it.

DS's passport and birth certificate are hidden at work.

I've done the above update and going to post the above last night. Will keep you updated today and let you all know when I will pick DS up x

Your son is currently with his dad? Or did he not get in his dad’s car?
I hope he takes him into school then.
I really hope this all moves quickly for you Lena, I really do.
Good luck today!
Btw I’m in Ayrshire if you ever need anything.

So has your ex taken your DS? That’s what it sounds like on reading your update?

Yes he did take him, DS said yesterday when I've phoned him that he is going to school today so fingers crossed. Im going to pick him up and keep him off school until the court order is in place

So you just let him turn up and take your kid again?

Next time this happens (and there will be a next time) call the police

When you collect him, l would personally stay else where until the order has gone through.

Have you phoned the school to make sure he’s there today? If so, go straight there, don’t wait till lunchtime.

@Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda at the moment there’s nothing the police will do. There’s no order in place.

I know that @Clangus00, but upthread she mentioned that he wasn’t supposed to contact her. Also, he was acting in an aggressive and intimidating manner, so she has every right to call them about his behaviour.

I don’t think there’s anything legally in place like a restraining order or non-mol order yet. It may have been suggested/ recommended that she gets one, but I don’t think it’s there yet.

I've got him!!!
I'm changing the address everywhere and sorting all direct debits I have been paying.

If stbxh turns up at the door I'm going to phone the police straight away. He keeps sending me emails that I'm not allowed to pick DS up form school because he is in dad's care now and by moving out from the house I have abandoned DS. FFS

Let him carry on digging his own grave. Have the police not given him a warning for him harassing you & wasting their time?