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Original poster

Fear of going to the toilet

166 replies

EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:07

Hello ladies. Bit of an embarrassing situation. I've been with a guy for 7 years that has drummed into my head that women shouldn't poo and it's wrong. It's got to the point that when he's in the house I can't physically go, or go anywhere in anyone else's house. After being pulled up about it by his friends he now says well it is wrong but just go if you have to. He doesn't understand the damage it has caused me psychologically. I just can't go. I actually think I need therapy for it. And he can't understand why it's his fault. He's literally non stop drummed it into me, even said it infront of friends and family. Walks in on me in the bathroom and even if he hears me we he says urrrhh like I'm disgusting. I just don't know what to do 😒

OP posts:
Pannalash · 25/09/2019 01:08

LTB he’s an abuser

Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 01:11

I know it sounds weird. And it is weird. No idea why I've put up with it at all. But unfortunately I have. Luckily he works alot so most the time I can go. But if he's here I have to send him out for something. I don't know if it's learned behaviour in childhood, his mother said she never goes to the loo when anyone else is in the house especially a man, so I'm thinking this may have something to do with it. He's had a pretty rough childhood that I'm not gona go into because I need to sleep. But I do appreciate knowing I'm right and this is not normal at all and I'm actually going to show him because enough is enough

OP posts:
kateandme · 25/09/2019 01:15

so does he actually think you dont go to the toilet.or just doesnt want you to do it whilst he is around.is he really that thick he think you dont go ever!?

HennyPennyHorror · 25/09/2019 01:18

Tot you need to seek help...you could be helped by therapy. Please see the doctor. It's not a big deal...lots of people have this issue.

Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 01:19

Kateandme he must know I have to go but just doesn't want to think I do. I just wish he realised that actually this does need discussing with his therapist. It's just not normal

OP posts:
BiologyIsntBigoted · 25/09/2019 01:20

He thinks it's wrong for women to poo? And has you holding it in and hurting yourself? Does he think the male digestive system is different or something?

Are any of your children girls? Does he think they shouldn't be allowed to poo in their own home when he's there too and that they should also hold it in?

I'd leave him for this. I wouldn't want my children thinking this is ok and normal.

He sounds as thick as that bloke who told women to hold their periods in til they got home. (Please don't tell me he shames you for menstrating and you have to hide sanitary products and evidence of stains etc too)

BrendasUmbrella · 25/09/2019 01:26

I really don't understand how you lasted a week with this guy, let alone 7 years?! He thinks you're disgusting for being a human being. he may as well shame you for breathing.

Stay with him if you must, if you think he's really that much of a catch, even though he's made you feel like you need to seek therapy, but please please please never have a child with him. Because if it's a girl he'll fuck her life up.

BrendasUmbrella · 25/09/2019 01:28

I see you already have kids. I assume they are boys, so at least they are not being exposed to these bizarre attitudes. Because if they are girls and he is shaming them too, it's beyond fucked up that you stay.

CadburysCremeSmeggs · 25/09/2019 01:30

Why are you with this fucking weirdo? Seriously your doing nothing wrong, the guy is an arse, and even his own friends have told him. You need to leave, going to the toilet are normal bodily functions

Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 01:31

He has no problem with children pooing or periods. It's the person he's dating he doesn't want to know about. I am actually going to tell his therapist myself and show him conversations between us on WhatsApp. He needs help!

OP posts:
springydaff · 25/09/2019 01:46

I honestly thought this thread was in AIBU because the responses are so horrible. Shame on you posters who made a joke out of this.

SimplySteveRedux · 25/09/2019 01:52

He suffers with PTSD, anxiety and severe panic attacks. Most the time he's lovely and he is getting help for all the aweful stuff he went through as a child. He admits when he's wrong but this thing is just so odd to me. I just don't understand it at all. And I thought that by now he would of grown out of this stupid idea in his head. But unfortunately not. I don't know where it stems from. He really isn't all bad, but how do you undo this damage ever.

I also have the mental health conditions you listed, this is something else, he is clearly rather disturbed. You cannot change him, he has to do that himself, and you'll be waiting a fucking long time.

YoureAQuizardHarry · 25/09/2019 02:01

@EdserNUMB I feel like it's you who needs help. You've been with this guy for years and have pretended that women don't shit surely no one is that stupid?

For this is real please get help

If this isn't real.. get help anyway

Topseyt · 25/09/2019 02:11

He's abusive, and he sounds as thick as shit to me.

He thinks that because he is dating you you no longer have the right to poo!!!! He even seems to have his friends going on at you about it, meaning that he must discuss your bodily functions with them. That is seriously fucked up.

You need to dump him (pun intended), and soon.

Are any of your children girls? How long before he decides that they are old enough to have outgrown the need to poo when he is around?

Why are you with him at all?

BrexitBingoGenerator · 25/09/2019 02:16

From your messages, I’m struggling to understand his therapist situation- you say he needs therapy but it sounds like he already gets therapy?

TheNestedIf · 25/09/2019 02:20

He is mentally abusing you and could cause you permanent digestive issues. I say this from experience.

He needs to sort himself out or you need to get rid of him (note: I would have used the word "dump" there in any other situation but didn't as I am serious).

HeadintheiClouds · 25/09/2019 02:22

Really, TheNested, you have experience of not being allowed to shit in your own home? How could there possibly be two of you? (Or one; for that matter...)

ermwhatda · 25/09/2019 02:36

consume lots of laxatives. Then, put on your sexiest underwear. and drag him to bed.

wait until he's almost ready, and then shite in his bed.

pretend to be sorry.

then tell him 'you couldn't help it'.

repeat this procedure until he's packed his bags.

that should clear up your issue.

instaglum · 25/09/2019 02:45

This reply has been deleted

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90sBumbleBee · 25/09/2019 03:20

He is not an amazing loving person. It is pretence. He very well know that women should poo. He is putting this false idea in your head on purpose to devalue you, control you and make you constantly having to prove yourself to him. He knows exactly what he's doing. He doesn't need counselling and he doesn't have any fear of poo. His only fear is you loving and valuing yourself. You are another one with a narcissist. Research narcissism.

Topseyt · 25/09/2019 03:28

I must admit that I am rather dubious about him needing therapy to cope with the fact that his partner needs to poo. He doesn't. He is an abusive and controlling arsewipe.

PhilCornwall1 · 25/09/2019 04:23

The only therapy you need is to tell this bloke to get lost and then poo and pee as often as you want.

Up to that point I'd be crapping as often as I wanted whether he was in the house or not. All he would get from me is a very impolite "fuck off" if he said anything. Oh and if he's walking in, lock the door.

Why do people put up with this?

AgentProvocateur · 25/09/2019 04:31

I can’t understand why people stay in relationships like this and inflict such a person on their children. Do everyone a favour and kick this ridiculous controlling arse out.

Wildorchidz · 25/09/2019 04:36

Do your children live with you ?

DonKeyshot · 25/09/2019 04:38

He is an abusive and controlling arsewipe

^ this from Topseyt (above)

His crap (no pun or pong intended) theory has caused you to refrain from defecating when he's around, ergo you have no need for him to be around as you no longer have any need for an arsewipe.

He's made himself redundant, OP. Sack him off and rid your brain of his batshit diktat.