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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fear of going to the toilet

166 replies

EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:07

Hello ladies. Bit of an embarrassing situation. I've been with a guy for 7 years that has drummed into my head that women shouldn't poo and it's wrong. It's got to the point that when he's in the house I can't physically go, or go anywhere in anyone else's house. After being pulled up about it by his friends he now says well it is wrong but just go if you have to. He doesn't understand the damage it has caused me psychologically. I just can't go. I actually think I need therapy for it. And he can't understand why it's his fault. He's literally non stop drummed it into me, even said it infront of friends and family. Walks in on me in the bathroom and even if he hears me we he says urrrhh like I'm disgusting. I just don't know what to do 😒

OP posts:
Jaguarana · 25/09/2019 00:31

Walnutwhipster I've reported & asked MNHQ to take a look, just in case, because it's quite a sensitive subject. I'm sure OP will understand.

YoureAQuizardHarry · 25/09/2019 00:31

Omg leave!! Please!! This is not normal.. If your are a human, have an anus and eat food you need to poo.

This is abuse

Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:32

Not good is it. I have asked him to go to therapy about this cos its just not normal at all

OP posts:
StrawberryTot · 25/09/2019 00:32

EdserNUMB it’s okay, although I really don’t think your partner is helping or see an improvement with his attitude.

All the best.

rededucator · 25/09/2019 00:33

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Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:36

Am I allowed to show messages he's sent me tonight if I scrub out our names then you'll see how real it is.

OP posts:
loobywench · 25/09/2019 00:43

What does he think happens to the food you eat?! Sounds abusive to me Shock

Mum2b2020 · 25/09/2019 00:43

Gosh that's awful. I dont know how you're still eith him. Is he that controlling with other aspects of your relationship? I have inflammatory bowel disease and react to lots of foods. One of the things I love about my husband is that since we moved in together 7 years ago he has been completely accepting of my toilet habits, that I can spend ages in the loo, and frequently pass gas etc so I can be completely myself around him, even if I found it a little embarrassing in the early days.

womenspeakout · 25/09/2019 00:43

Obviously he shits, yes?

Why does he think women shouldn't have to go to the toilet themselves? Does he think having a vagina means we don't have to defecate like all other mammals?

Honestly, why are you with him for seven years if he's been like this from the off? Obviously you knew it was normal for a woman to shit, no?

There's a book for children called Everybody Poops, buy him a copy of that as a gift for when you leave his ass.

VenusTiger · 25/09/2019 00:44

@EdserNUMB this is abuse pure and simple. Get a picture of a man’s organs and a picture of a woman’s organs... from a health book and show him!
You eat, he eats, you poo, he poos.

For the love of god, leave him, he has serious issues!

Colouringaddict · 25/09/2019 00:45

I have the same issue as StrawberryTot, I can pee anywhere whether I am in ear shot or not, but having to poo anywhere but at home where no one can hear me has been an issue for years. Our only toilet is now downstairs, so if anyone else is here, I can’t go. If we go away it takes me days before I can go. IBS is not a condition to have when you’re like this either

Derbee · 25/09/2019 00:46

I can’t believe you have 3 DC and you accept this abuse from a partner. He has mentally and emotionally abused you so much and for so long that he has affected your physical ability to poo?!

Imagine your daughter telling you she was in this situation with a firsts partner. Would you think she should stay?

What if your partner decided it’s wrong for women to sleep? You had to prop your eyelids open and listen to loud music all the time, whilst he went to bed as normal, and had afternoon naps on top of that. Would you stand up until you keeled over and died?

Get rid of him. What are you thinking????

Derbee · 25/09/2019 00:47

*future partner

Celebelly · 25/09/2019 00:48

He says having to poo is wrong?! Is he incredibly thick or just an abusive cunt? Both I guess.

God, OP, seven years. Please don't waste one more year of your life. And when you go, send him a massive bloody shit in a box.

This can't be the only horrible thing he does, it's never just one thing.

italianfiat · 25/09/2019 00:49

I have asked him to go to therapy about this cos its just not normal at all

Go to therapy? I would be telling him to get to fuck Angry

Why are you with him?

57Varieties · 25/09/2019 00:50

Wtf?!

Well I have a ready answer for ridding yourself of several kilos of shit right away!...

I get being anxious about going around a partner, but thinking that women shouldn’t poo at all? Wtf? Why does he think our digestive systems work differently to men?

Bin him off, he’s a dick, and damaging your health.

DeeCeeCherry · 25/09/2019 00:54

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justheretostalk · 25/09/2019 00:55

Genuine question.. how does he think you should get rid of your waste? I’m genuinely not understanding?

Is he.. slow? Like, I’m trying to be sensitive, but does he have an actual intellectual disability or something? Does he want you to die? All women to die? I honestly don’t get it?

Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:57

Derbee

Yh you are right I know. He can be the most amazing loving person but this has always been a weird thing in his mind. I didn't worry at first because I never let him stay in the beginning because of my kids, it's something I thought could be worked on. He suffers with PTSD, anxiety and severe panic attacks. Most the time he's lovely and he is getting help for all the aweful stuff he went through as a child. He admits when he's wrong but this thing is just so odd to me. I just don't understand it at all. And I thought that by now he would of grown out of this stupid idea in his head. But unfortunately not. I don't know where it stems from. He really isn't all bad, but how do you undo this damage ever. Even if I do leave am I going to be the same

OP posts:
Original poster
EdserNUMB · 25/09/2019 00:59

I go when he's not here. He works long hours. So of course I'm not dead. And no this is not some weird fetish chat ffs

OP posts:
LipSyncForYourLife · 25/09/2019 01:00

Save up your biggest fart specially for him. Preferably when he’s in close proximity to your bottom then let rip. Follow up with a tinkly laugh and daintily skip away.

HollowTalk · 25/09/2019 01:01

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123space · 25/09/2019 01:02

If this is true then he's abusive and obviously you should leave him. If you need therapy to deal with going to the toilet then do it, and also discuss why you've stayed with someone for 7 years who doesn't let you use the toilet.

TumblingTumbleWeeds · 25/09/2019 01:02

I told my husband ladies didn't fart, so for 35 years I have had to leave the room to fart. Problem is I'm going to deaf and I can't hear my own farts anymore. I found this out in the store the other day when everyone turned around and looked at me.

mintyroller · 25/09/2019 01:05

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