I just don't know what to do. I hate my life, yet I can't seem to change it.

[camilleeloise]

I am single, chronically single, never really been in a relationship single. I am not honestly sure how it happened, as everything I could offer as a possible explanation equally could apply to many other people too all of whom have had relationships. But I didn't.

For ages I thought it would happen one day, I was just a late starter or that when I did, finally meet someone that would be it, but it hasn't happened.

And to be honest, I feel like it's ruined my life, although I'm only now able to say that looking back.

The friends I made have naturally settled down with their own partners and families. They have no time for me and we have very little in common. Therefore, my social life has whittled down to nothing. I go nowhere and I see no one, so how can I meet anybody? I can't, obviously!

I'm so, so lonely and the idea that this is the rest of my life is sickening. But how can it not be?

You need to go out and do things and meet people. Go for a walk in the park, hairdressers, local attractions etc.
Nothing will change if you stay in.
Maybe try online dating as well. You really just have to put yourself out there.

Well, yes - I'm not a total recluse! I do go to the hairdressers. Walks in the park are not an enormous amount of fun alone but I do obviously go out of the house. However, this is what I mean - it doesn't change my life significantly.

I have tried OD. It really doesn't work for me. I have so little to offer the conversation dries up.

Have you considered taking a class once a week in something you enjoy? Dance or art or writing or cooking or gardening or whatever interests you. It can be a good way to slowly extend your social circle and get out of your rut.

Im sorry you are going through this. It sounds grim and loneliness is horrible. But friends and lovers arent just going to fall down your chimney. Find a hobby or even better, find two. They need to get you out of the house and chatting. Join a writers group, do an evening class, learn a new skill.

Accept every invitation that comes along. Are there any sociable people at your work who'd like to go out for dinner or drinks?

Sign up for online dating... but dont take it too seriously. Dont go on dates thinking, this is going to be the love of my life, think that this is going to be a fun evening and i might make a new friend.

Being sociable is a skill. You need to work at it. If you're near Beds/Bucks/Northants, come for a coffee with me!

join meet up - it's not dating it's for making friends with similar interests - it's fab.

www.meetup.com/

Sorry - I'm not trying to "yes, but" - but () I have tried a lot of these things.

1. Meetup isn't the panacea for loneliness. The groups tend to be very random and somewhat sporadic. You could go to the same Meetup session every fortnight for a year and not come across the same people.

1. I've tried hobbies … of course, I've done a weekly horse riding class and volunteer work. It didn't lead to any friendships and nor did I expect it to. I don't find people are looking for friends particularly. People are immersed in their families.

1. I really don't get dates through dating sites. If someone shows an interest then we may strike up a conversation. The conversation fizzles out because I have nothing to offer. Strangely, I'm not like this in RL but I can't chat online very easily.

So I don't honestly know where it leaves me (and I do KNOW lovers won't fall into my lap, I really have noticed that after twenty years living alone - I don't mean that rudely it's just it's hard to read on top of feeling so crap.)

How old are you ?

You can change your life OP, and be the person you want to be. There is some good advice above. Think about what’s holding you back. Whatever it is you have the power to fix it. Good luck.

I am 39

Whereabouts are you op?

I'd rather not say, to be honest … sorry, just would be really embarrassed if I was recognised.

More "yes, but"s than Vicky Pollard (sorry, thats a joke!) . Riding lessons arent sociable. Im concentrating too hard in my lesson to chat, and afterwsrds, i need to zoom off. When i had my own horses, i DID loiter around the yard and chat. If you enjoy riding, have you considered sharing a horse? You'll make a friend with the owner, and other people at the yard will always chat if you are friendly - everyone likes to rabbit on about their horse!

If you do online dating and you know that you are much better in the flesh than you are over text, don't spend ages messaging. Suggest meeting up sooner rather than later. Apart from not fizzling out, it makes you look confident, and confidence is sexy.

What about a paid-for dating agency/site? You might get more real-life dates through them, if chatting online isn't your thing.

I think you just Have to find happiness elsewhere

Did you enjoy volunteering

Do you enjoy your work

You need to make life as fulfilling as possible, do you have nice friends , close family etc

I made a whole group of new friends doimg park run

I joined the WI

I met one of my best friends at knit and natter held at the library

Well, no, chris, I don't! I don'thave any family and like I say, my friends are obviously tied up with their own families. It's just a very miserable life. I know I sound negative but I do wonder what the point is.

It's true that horse ridingmaybe isn't sociable, but the truth is, most things and people aren't. Most things are built assuming families or couples and if you're not in a family unit or couple, forget it.

What about a walking group or something? Better opportunities for chatting and bonding than horse riding.
What interests do you have?

None, to be honest! Not now, anyway. I think a walking group is possibly my idea of hell - I posted on the other thread about how dull I find walking - I know others love it, it just really isn't for me. Nor am I a runner.

I have pretty much written off making friends anyway.

I just don't know what to do.

Do you go out to work?

And without trying to sound facetious, what do you want? Do you want a partner, or friends, or just a different life - or do you just want a bit of a grumble and to keep rolling along in your rut?

I feel for you OP, but your posts sound increasingly pre-occupied with the thought that the whole of society is constructed around families - which it really isn’t. It clearly feels this way to you, but I can assure you that isn’t the case. You’re far from the only single person your age. There’s reams of activities/groups/spheres that have nothing to do with marital status/kids. For instance: local running clubs (I’m a member of a women’s running club and have met LOADS of mates through that of all ages/family circumstances/relationship status), WI groups, book-clubs, climbing/rambling groups, local history societies, film clubs, adult education courses, evening language classes etc. NONE of these things are easy to do with a partner/young kids at home, so they tend to appeal to other single people or people with older kids and time on their hands.
There’s absolutely no reason that with all your spare time you couldn’t throw yourself into doing loads of these things and approaching people with positivity and an open-mind, and becoming an attractive friendship/relationship prospect for the people you meet there.

However, if you do venture into these groups with an “I’m different to you as I’m the only alone person in the world” mindset then you won’t have much success I suspect, and this will then only serve to confirm your innate belief that you somehow can’t make friends due to people being different to you.

It’s all about the mindset OP. Good luck with things.

It does sound a bit facetious - obviously, I don't WANT this, but I feel I am powerless to change it.

Have you considered joining a community choir. I go twice a week and I never.fail to laugh and have fun and come back happier . Doing the very occasion small performance also gives us all something to work towards

Also over time I have attended other ( usually related events like choir workshops or performances of other groups with other choir members). Some groups also regularly meet in the pub after rehearsals

Don't say you can't sing. I was the child that was told to mime at primary school assemblies my voice was so bad !!

Community choirs don't audition and really welcome everyone. Look locally for any ' natural voice network' choirs

What do you enjoy doing?

I'm sure I'm not, Ritmo, I can't be.

Yet I really genuinely cannot find anything that is aimed at single women in their late 30s/40s/50s.

It isn't really about friendships. I don't generally have problems making friends, although usually it's been through work and then gradually the connection wanes when you or they leave the workplace so have less in common. But I've always had friends. However, friends just aren't cutting the mustard at the stage I'm at.