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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just don't know what to do. I hate my life, yet I can't seem to change it.

147 replies

camilleeloise · 24/09/2019 19:45

I am single, chronically single, never really been in a relationship single. I am not honestly sure how it happened, as everything I could offer as a possible explanation equally could apply to many other people too all of whom have had relationships. But I didn't.

For ages I thought it would happen one day, I was just a late starter or that when I did, finally meet someone that would be it, but it hasn't happened.

And to be honest, I feel like it's ruined my life, although I'm only now able to say that looking back.

The friends I made have naturally settled down with their own partners and families. They have no time for me and we have very little in common. Therefore, my social life has whittled down to nothing. I go nowhere and I see no one, so how can I meet anybody? I can't, obviously!

I'm so, so lonely and the idea that this is the rest of my life is sickening. But how can it not be?

OP posts:
Moonchild6124 · 24/09/2019 22:43

Get online Hun. It’s how lots of happy and compatible couples meet nowadays. If nothing else it will give you the chance to flirt, have a bit of banter etc and as well as being fun that might give you a confidence boost so that you feel motivated to get out there and start looking.

Kahlua4me · 24/09/2019 22:58

It is so hard when you feel stuck in a rut that you can’t seem to get out of.

What about a singles type holiday? Not like 18-30 but more of a travel/adventure sort of holiday to a destination you would love to see. My friend went to India last year on one of these and had a great time. She met all sorts of people and really enjoyed it.

Counselling may be a good plan to as it will allow you to explore how you are currently feeling, why you ended up in the situation you are in and also what you can do with your life to make you feel better.

Lightsabre · 24/09/2019 23:00

Do you want children?

ReggaetonLente · 24/09/2019 23:23

If OP is lonely, i really wouldn't recommend fostering or adoption. Both require a considerable support network, from experience.

OP you really do sound lovely. You've responded to some horrible posts with such grace. You deserve to have good people in your life.

Claireshh · 24/09/2019 23:38

My brother is 45. Similar situation. He would love to marry and have children but it’s never happened. He was bullied at primary and secondary school and I think it destroyed his confidence. He is a lawyer, lovely brother, great Uncle to my kids. He just needs to find someone to love. I live in Kent but my brother is in Glasgow. If you want to be put in touch with him let you know.

Claireshh · 24/09/2019 23:42

I often think about creating a different sort of dating business whereby anyone who is lonely but really wants to meet someone whether it’s for romance or friendship can sign up. Support and advice for people who are shy, inexperienced in dating, or hurt from previous relationships..... Basically a supportive way of bringing people together. Total opposite of the usual sort of dating site.

Claphands · 25/09/2019 00:01

OP, I was I n a similar position until a few years ago, I’d just got to the point where I thought I’d better start fixing my life to suit me as a single woman when I met my now DH and married. Not saying that as a ‘it’ll happen for you’ type comment but just this is what happened to me and we now have DC which does help you to meet people. It made me think the other day how much easier it is when you have kids to meet up with other women and it made me a bit sad that had I not had my DC, I’d find it difficult to have made friends when we relocated.
My friend who is single has a great social life, and I guess what she does is to be active locally via Facebook groups for the area, goes to art exhibitions and local exhibitions, goes off for short weekend breaks with an itinery planned so she is busy and goes to a boot camp where she meets other local people.
Don’t know if that’s any help really as it is easier said than done but all is not lost yet.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 25/09/2019 00:06

Try meetup.com for groups in your area, I've made some very good friends this way and done fun activities.

Mosaic123 · 25/09/2019 01:05

I don't think anyone has suggested going along to any kind of Church or other religious community?

There is nothing to stop you from attending services and social events that they hold, and you may find the friendships, community involvement and even a partner that you seek.

Try out a few different ones in your area and see if any are of interest. I don't believe it's necessary to have a strong faith straight away.

You are a good person who is looking for other nice people.

The churches probably all have websites so you can get an idea of how they are.

Tilltheendoftheline · 25/09/2019 05:36

OP my situation is different. You probs ky think I was lucky. By 29 I had been married 9 years and had 2 kids.

But my husband was abusive (though I didnt realise until my early 30s) he isolated me from everyone and cause me huge amounts of self esteem issues. We all so worked together in our own business. I knew no one except my husband.

Despite having the family etc. I was desperately lonely. When I realised I was being abused I made a plan to leave which included me getting employed work. I knew I needed to make more effort with friends etc.

Through that job I met my 2 best friends. Someone 10 Years younger and someone 25 years older. The younger had young kids. The older one had adult kids.

Because we all wanted to be friends we made it work. 2 of us would have rush home. But we could also make time for the older one and arrange nights out. Anyway 18 months later my, now, exh husband attacked me and I fled with my kids. I got a divorce and a house.

I remained friends with the 2 other women. But they didnt understand the crushing loneliness at home every evening. Worrying about visiting rhen incase they were having lovely nights in with their family or partner. They tried to understand but they couldnt. Then the bastarf ec took me to court and got access to the kids. So often I was alone in my house. Which was nice at first. But day in and day out it wasnt. I was afraid I'd being the 5th wheel to them.

But we all still made the effort. When my kids werent here we would arrange nights out. If they were, days out.

During this period, despite having friends I felt desperately lonely. Because I went home alone.

Anyway, the younger ones brother has got a divorce and was moving back to the area. 3 years later we are together and happy. For the first time, ever. I dint feel lonely. I had a poor upbringing. Felt lonely them too.

These women, gave me the strength and support to leave my marriage. They didnt understand the crushing loneliness. But they were good friends. Especially the younger one.

I put lots of effort into those relationships. And it was worth doing. There are there for me and I am there for them. I have got my son son up in the middle of the night and gone round because one of her kids has needed to go to hospital. But my son to bed there and driven my friend and child.

They have turned up here in the middle of the night. The younger one is like my sister. It's the best friendship I have ever had. Hee brother my dp, knows that when it comes to adult relationships, she is the person I am closest too. The older one is still a good friend. But retired now and off travelling the world.

My point is that age doesnt make a difference (you mentioned everyone being retired at a club you went to) in friendships. You cab have evenings out with those who have kids. But you all have to put effort into friendships. Work friendships done have to wane. We dont work together now. But I make the effort to message them, go see them, even call if I feel a bit down.

I know my life is different to yours. All my twenties I knew my marriage was a bit shit, was always lonely, always had been. The power was in me to change it. Just like it is in you.

Also I live on the edge of a mining town in Yorkshire. You dont have to live in london to go for dinner after work. Women with families do still go out maybe not every might. But they still want to go for dinner etc.

Until you accept that you can change it if you want. But it will be hard, but you can change it. Nothing will change.

suggestionsplease1 · 25/09/2019 06:10

I'm sure this has already been mentioned but I think it's definitely worth a visit to your GP to discuss depression OP.

Oblomov19 · 25/09/2019 06:19

Why does the conversation dry up?
Why can't you chat away online like you do in person?

Bezalelle · 25/09/2019 06:40

@mightyminty It was for me when I was in a similar position. Basically it's what every other post is saying, but more concise.

Lalotai47 · 25/09/2019 07:40

Hi OP,

I wonder if you might find French Kiss Life podcast helpful? It is by an amazing life coach called Tonia Leigh and has really helped me. She runs a retreat in Paris each year if you have the funds. If not, there are free podcasts and online courses.

Good luck. I have no doubt you can turn this around if you really want to.

Feelingfree · 25/09/2019 08:07

Another fan here of seeing a Life Coach. They can really help you by changing your mindset, building your confidence, helping you find a way forward in life. I’m not suggesting you need all these things. Perhaps have a look online.

Verily1 · 25/09/2019 08:09

Loneliness is horrible.

I think in your situation you could consider having a dc.

Girasole02 · 25/09/2019 08:13

Going to second the pp who suggested a choir. Best thing I ever did. I've met so many new people, made a lot of friends. The performance opportunities and socialising are brilliant.

IrenetheQuaint · 25/09/2019 08:15

I am slightly older than you and also long-term single, but with lots of nice friends - it is possible. (I also have lots of nice hobbies, but have never met a man through any of them!) But I realise you want more than that.

Have you had any romantic entanglements in the past, and if so what were they like? As previous posters have said, it might be worth going for a short course of counselling to understand the reasons you haven't managed to find anyone (lack of self esteem due to crap childhood is a classic, but there are lots of other possible reasons).

Girasole02 · 25/09/2019 08:16

Do you do stuff on your own at all? Going to the cinema, theatre and gigs is my guilty pleasure.

Mary1935 · 25/09/2019 08:44

Hi OP I’m wondering what your childhood was like and how your parents where.
I ask this as I really struggled and felt alone. I found it difficult to meet men.
If you came from an abusive family or there was addictions look up Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional families.
I didn’t meet my partner till I was 40 and had a child at 42.
All credit to you that you haven’t given up and are still hopeful. I don’t think you would have posted here if not. 🌺

Trenchcoated · 25/09/2019 08:49

I think you’ve been unlucky in your circles, OP — certainly in the village where I live now, everything presupposes you are married with a family surrounded by extended family, to an extent I’ve never seen anywhere else. I am married with a child, but it doesn’t suit me at all, so I would definitely consider moving, in your case.

I have two longterm single friends without children in their late 40s (not in this village). One has not had a relationship since her student days, and the other had been single for ten years, if not fifteen. Both of them lead very rich lives, and I would say are envied by their friends rather than otherwise, for being able to live very freely, and to prioritise their own well-being and interests. One survived an aggressive cancer in her 30s, then moved to the other side of the world (she’d been living longterm in NZ), took a famous residential Cordon Bleu cookery course, and now lives in a beautiful tiny seaside rental in a city and very much works to live, does a lot of yoga retreats, runs, volunteers, as a busy social life. The other is more tied because of caring responsibilities, but is enormously in demand with her friends when she’s free, and also, on top of her job, has a stall at a local farmers’ market circuit which has a lively social scene attached.

I don’t think either of these friends has had an easy time — one had a terminal diagnosis at one point, one has significant caring responsibilities for a dementia sufferer — but they have worked at making their lives rich and meaningful. I’m sure there have been times when they struggled, and I’m sure one or both has had hankerings after a partner, if not children, but they’re not allowing those things to limit their lives now.

Good luck, OP. I agree with suggestions that you start by talking to your GP about possible depression, and investigate counselling.

Missingsandraohingreys · 25/09/2019 08:54

I don’t necessarily think there is an easy answer
And I feel as miserable as you sometimes and I have a partner (albeit a depressed and angry one ) and kids

I suppose what I want to say is that finding a partner may not sure
Your loneliness and empty heart

Assuming that people are happy and you are not is a no win
Assuming that other people have happier lives because they have a
Family is false

I think finding what you care about and doing it is more likely to make you feel better

The question is finding that thing and healing yourself

Yes every buggers advises counselling but a decent one could really help you gain clarity

Daffodil2018 · 25/09/2019 09:05

Your self esteem sounds low when you say you have nothing to offer. I am sure that is not true, and the art of conversation is all in asking questions as I'm sure you realise anyway. 39 is no age and if being in a relationship is your main priority then OLD really is your best bet. I also wonder (not facetious) if you have thought about getting a dog? My friend who has one has met so many people this way as everyone seems to want to talk to the lady with the cute dog.

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 25/09/2019 09:13

Hi OP, I started reading this thread, and if you were my friend I would be on my way round to give you a hug. You sound incredibly sad. You mentioned that hobbies are just distractions to stop you thinking about jumping off a bridge. I really think you should visit a sympathetic GP, and tell them how you've been feeling and hopefully they can help with some medication. I'm sorry if this seems patronising, I just think it's the best place to start. Once you feel better, then making steps to find the life you want won't feel as difficult.Flowers

Missingsandraohingreys · 25/09/2019 09:19

I don’t think the problem is that you are single by the way
I think the problem is you are depressed and when you are at the bottom of a pit with no clear way of getting out .....

I think targeting the depression first via both a kind GP ( yes consider drugs) and a decent therapist is critical

I don’t think just starting a choir or getting a
Dog is going to help
Right now

Get your mental health back on track is
My Advice and then escaping the pit will become easier

And my dear the very fact that you posted shows that you want to change

Wishing you the very best Flowers