How long did it take for OH to propose?

[DoubtingMyPatience]

How long was you in a relationship when DP proposed? And how old were you?

I’ve been with DP for over 5 years now, we have a mortgage together and are now expecting our first child. We’re very happy together, I won’t say it’s all daffodils and roses, we bicker but we always resolve our issues together.

We’ve been to a few weddings and he often says things like “this venue is really nice, it’s the sort of place I’d like as a wedding venue” so then it leads to the whole conversation of me asking him if he believes in marriage as I know some people don’t, he said he thinks he wants to get married one day, most days he tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He knows I want to get married, but he also knows I wouldn’t want to get married quickly, I like the idea of a long engagement, enough time to save and plan for the wedding we want. I’m not particularly getting impatient, but I’ve joked about him ‘popping the question’ and he brushes it off and says he will one day. When we was talking about it he did mention that he is very shy and would be nervous to do it in front of anyone, that’s fair enough. And while at my parents organising our family holiday my mum said it would be lovely if he did it t Disneyland (where we were visiting before having a week in south France) when we left my parents he got really into talking about doing it at Disney and how cool it would be and it would be an engagement to remember. I’m not going to lie, I got my hopes up a bit and it didn’t happen. But more fool me for assuming he would right?

I would like to get married, and I want a long engagement to plan and if I’m honest, after I’ve finished BF baby I would like to have a breast reduction, and I’d like that before I have to wear a wedding dress, I’m very self conscious of my boobs and don’t want to compromise on my dress because of my disproportionate sizing. So I’m in no rush, but I would like the commitment, and me being fussy me would also like to be married before 30. I know I can’t pick and choose, but after 5 years and lots and lots of talk and it still hasn’t happened, I’m starting to feel like it never will. I don’t want to raise it with DP as I know I sound very pushy and it is a massive commitment, but I don’t want him to feel pressured at all which is what’s bound to happen if I ask him why he hasn’t done it yet. I want him to want to do it without me feeling like I’ve made him to.

Did anyone else feel like this? Did it ever happen?

Of course you don’t have to give up your surname when you get married - I didn’t 25 years ago!

OP if he wanted children so badly and he wanted them with you, you should have said "yes, we can have kids but let's get married first." Honestly, if he was that desperate he would have had you down that aisle.

It seems like this is a case of "why buy the cow if you can get the mill for free?" I'm not saying he will never marry you, but if you have a child (which you gave him as he was worried about having kids to old), the least he could do it get engaged to you.
I highly doubt he thinks about it, is about to do it, then gets scared.
You may have to accept and come to terms with the fact he may not propose for a long time, if ever. He may - but be prepared that be may not.

I really can’t see a guy who has had ages to propose to OP and chosen not to getting his act together to actually make an american elopement happen. He’s blown £10k on a car part. He could have made sure you were his wife for £500 tops and spent the other £9500 on his car, but he decided not to.

At a certain point you have to wonder if it’s even worth trying to pin someone who doesn’t want to marry you down into marriage. But I guess if you are pregnant and have a mortgage you might as well push the matter so you know where you stand and can either have the legal protection of marriage for you and your child, if not the romantic side, or you can know he’s not going to marry you definitively and decide where to go from there.

Of course you don’t have to give up your surname when you get married - I didn’t 25 years ago

Vast majority blindly do, though. Check out all your married friends' surnames.

It's ridiculous.

My husband took my surname because it was infinitely cooler than his 😁

**Now I need to decide whether to tell our parents or whether we should keep it on the low down and wait until we celebrate

I really don't see this guy marrying you. Sorry. I dont mean to sound horrible and I could be wrong. But men who really want something do it and there is no stopping them.

As someone upthread has said "Words are cheap it’s action you want"

All he's done OP is placate you, again Please don't let this slide. If you're serious about marriage (and not just a wedding) then crack on and book it at the Registry Office asap, certainly well before your due date. As others have said, if it doesn't happen by the time baby arrives (and I'm sorry to say that it doesn't sound to me like it will) then do NOT give your baby his surname alone, at the very least double-barrell it with yours.

I'm afraid I agree it'll be excuse after excuse with this guy

£10k is not only plenty for s ring it's more than enough for a bloody nice wedding! Clearly the car matters more

Celebrate what you’re not even engaged

If this man wanted to marry you he would have done so already.
You have two choices. Either accept that you will never be married and give up the legal protection for you and your child. Or leave him and find someone who properly respects you.

He’s not serious, you’ve made it clear what you want and he just gives you enough to keep you on the hook. Maybe he just doesn’t want to get married but wants a life with you but he should be honest as it’s cruel to say oh it’s going to happen it’s going to happen and then it never does

This is a bit strange

He started talking about wedding plans and you didn't reply because you had bread in your mouth??? Eh?! How long does it take to eat a piece of bread?!

Op just read your update, he’s not committed he said first registery office and now he’s saying Vegas. this is what he’s being doing all along ...oh this is a nice venue to get married in, oh wouldn’t it be great to get engaged in dinseyland it’s all pie in the sky without any actual commitment.