How long did it take for OH to propose?

[DoubtingMyPatience]

How long was you in a relationship when DP proposed? And how old were you?

I’ve been with DP for over 5 years now, we have a mortgage together and are now expecting our first child. We’re very happy together, I won’t say it’s all daffodils and roses, we bicker but we always resolve our issues together.

We’ve been to a few weddings and he often says things like “this venue is really nice, it’s the sort of place I’d like as a wedding venue” so then it leads to the whole conversation of me asking him if he believes in marriage as I know some people don’t, he said he thinks he wants to get married one day, most days he tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He knows I want to get married, but he also knows I wouldn’t want to get married quickly, I like the idea of a long engagement, enough time to save and plan for the wedding we want. I’m not particularly getting impatient, but I’ve joked about him ‘popping the question’ and he brushes it off and says he will one day. When we was talking about it he did mention that he is very shy and would be nervous to do it in front of anyone, that’s fair enough. And while at my parents organising our family holiday my mum said it would be lovely if he did it t Disneyland (where we were visiting before having a week in south France) when we left my parents he got really into talking about doing it at Disney and how cool it would be and it would be an engagement to remember. I’m not going to lie, I got my hopes up a bit and it didn’t happen. But more fool me for assuming he would right?

I would like to get married, and I want a long engagement to plan and if I’m honest, after I’ve finished BF baby I would like to have a breast reduction, and I’d like that before I have to wear a wedding dress, I’m very self conscious of my boobs and don’t want to compromise on my dress because of my disproportionate sizing. So I’m in no rush, but I would like the commitment, and me being fussy me would also like to be married before 30. I know I can’t pick and choose, but after 5 years and lots and lots of talk and it still hasn’t happened, I’m starting to feel like it never will. I don’t want to raise it with DP as I know I sound very pushy and it is a massive commitment, but I don’t want him to feel pressured at all which is what’s bound to happen if I ask him why he hasn’t done it yet. I want him to want to do it without me feeling like I’ve made him to.

Did anyone else feel like this? Did it ever happen?

I would decide if its a deal breaker or not for you, from reading your replies op, I'm concerned that he isn't really that bothered by it.
DP and I are approaching 7 years, we have mortgage, dog, baby etc and have discussed and started planning our wedding for 2021, there was no proposal it was more of a "well I suppose its a good idea we do it then" he came to this conclusion when we registered our son because I questioned the registrar about the benefits of us marrying when she explained that if we did get married we'd need to reregister our son.
So there was no romance and the wedding will be a small registry office affair, parents and siblings only, followed by afternoon tea at a hotel. Neither of us want the huge fan fair. The only reason we're waiting until 2021 is because I want to be 30 (there is no logical reason for this)
Before then, whenever we talked about getting married I was always when and he was if, so our long term 'in joke' is calling eachother when and if.

Good update. Phone the register office and make a booking. If he wants to do something fancier, cool, you can always reschedule but it means it can't be put off indefinitely. Congratulations!

Together 10 months when dh proposed but I had said to him not long after we got together thst i wasnt just in the relationship for fun and that we would be getting married and I would leave it up to him to propose

Sorry OP but there is no incentive now you're already pregnant

Ffs. Read the updates!

OP, well done..

Just go and do the reg office thing..
Dont let the Convo drop off the radar and at least get a date set before the birth because honestly it will fall by the wayside after!!
You can always have a party later,.... maybe with the christening... Or whatever you've got planned to celebrate your baby.

Great news OP. Book your appointment at the registry office

7 years it took my partner. 25 & 26. In all honesty I wasn't that bothered about engagement, he kept hinting at what rings I liked so I picked one. A few months later him and my mum went shopping and I just knew what it was for 🙄😂

He’s talking now of eloping in Vegas I said I’m quite happy to just pop to local registry office and I’d be too much of a wimp to do the flight to Vegas anyway (not a great flyer). He did mention doing something a bit nicer than just going to the ref office but he didn’t go into detail and I have a mouth full of olive bread I’m just pleased that he is committed, I was getting worried that I’d have to give up my marriage visions for him haha.

Now I need to decide whether to tell our parents or whether we should keep it on the low down and wait until we celebrate

Don't forget, if you elope and need witnesses, half of MN will be available for you!

Tell the parents! It will make prevarication less likely!

Ahh op sorry I missed page 5 so didn't see that you were going to chat.

So pleased he's happy to do it at the reg office and offered to elope. I would tell your parents, it will cause unnecessary tension if you don't.

Elope nearer to home? Lots of fab places in Europe to do so, including here in Scotland where you can get married wherever you like (it's the celebrant that's registered not the place here) and you wouldn't have to fly

Now I need to decide whether to tell our parents or whether we should keep it on the low down

Tell them, marriages are public record so they can look it up, and in my experience, it always comes out and people get upset! Everyone will be very happy to celebrate your party too, but I wouldn't lie to anyone. I'd tell my parents and celebrate my actual anniversary, and I'd tell anyone who asked, even if I didn't announce that we'd married. Feels more fun and less deceitful that way... but the fallouts I've seen were worse than I could ever have imagined and have probably tainted my view!

Congratulations and I hope the olive bread was good too!

We met in the March and we were married in the August of the same year and we celebrated 20 years this year .
DH was with his ex for 10 years and 2 kids and never wanted to get married
To say that everyone was shocked was an understatement 😂
If he wants to get married he will.
It just may not be to you - sad to say
Your in a very precarious and stupid position atm
Your giving up a lot
He is giving up SFA
Is that really what you want

Sorry OP I didn’t see your update
If i were you I would set a date before the baby is born See if he will agree to it or another 10k car engine comes up
You can celebrate later if you get married now

Words are cheap it’s action you want

Good news OP. Congrats!
👰

Words are cheap. Start acting. He’s said he’s happy with a register office so your next step is booking an appointment to give notice. And then choosing a date you can both make that is available at the office.

As we were happy with a weekday morning we were able to give the 28 days notice a few weeks after engagement and get a wedding date a couple weeks after the 28 days was up.

I’d absolutely crack on with this so you can find out sooner rather than later if he is actually happy and ready to marry or whether he’s just stringing you alongs

Also mutterings about a wedding in Vegas seems like an excuse to put it off further
Vegas is expensive ( generally) and you might have to save up a few grand ( or more ) to do it
And hard to elope with a tiny baby and unless you do it quick you will be to far gone to fly safely so it won’t be anytime this side of the year

Tell him your booking a registry office to get wed ASAP and see what he says

Ah @Graphista you're a Scot like me! I've seen your very common sensed responses to many posts 👍

I wouldn't tell your parents yet. He obviously doesn't want a load of fuss and as soon as you start involving the wider family, that's exactly what he and you are going to get. Give it some time, keep talking with him, make your decisions together. Then tell family when you are both ready to.

@hesatwunt thank you

Op I agree with pps - crack on and get a date set make him put his money where his mouth is

Gretna Green is supposed to be lovely!

For what it's worth we were together 9 years before we got engaged!

Noioooo not Gretna green far too commercial there are WAY nicer places in Scotland to elope to

We were together 7 1/2 years when he proposed and I was 33. We did things complete backwards as we bought a house, built an extension and even tried for a baby which was never meant to be. We're getting married next year. It was always on our to do list, but I wanted a big ish wedding so we were always going to have to save up.

Ahh I'm glad you spoke about it. My DP and I are getting married at the registry office in November, after deciding a few weeks ago. It's just going to be us, our parents and our DS. I'm so excited. I can't imagine planning a 'proper' wedding - too stressful!!

Just from a practical point of view - you have to Give Notice of Marriage at least 28 days before you actually want to get married! I didn't know that before, we did that bit last week!

Good luck!