I wouldn’t show anyone the thread OP- ! OP is it possible your parents no longer see you as an adult?Having financial control over adult children, can return both the parent and the adult child to a position of the parent being in control and the adult child being a child again. In my experience it can go both ways, you can become close to your parents as adults, or the feeling of power allows (the parents) them free rein to tell you how much of a disappointment you are and where would you be without them. Do you feel like your DP are in control of you and your decisions and as a result, they no longer support your right to make your own choices? My dh has been there with his parents when he became epileptic in his twenties, they never respected him as an adult and he had dreadful self esteem from a childhood where he was never able to live up to their idea of how and who he should be. (In our situation my dh’s parents denied his epilepsy diagnosis, they were furious when he accepted it and went on medication, blaming me and saying I had made their son a leper.)My in-laws are narcissists (his counsellors helped him to see this), is there a possibility that your dp are too? Are they contributors to your low self esteem?
Do I remember reading that you were a journalist/ writer? I would look into whether you can pick up some writing work from home.
Am I right in thinking that your dh pays in less than half the wages to cover all the bills? So he then has the other half as spending money? Even with £140 (or is it £160 a month for food and board then £100 on the loan?) off this for his Mother and say £200 a month on petrol, that still leaves around £700 unaccounted for. I would actually ask to look at family finances together. There are apps that help you to see where your money is going (Yolt being one of them) they link all of your accounts and help you to find ways to better manage your money. If your dh doesn’t want to do this, then I would be very concerned as to why!
I would also make sure that you have had a recent benefits check. Depending on how your dh reacts if you choose to keep your baby, you would be better off financially as a single Mother. You would be entitled to tax credits/ esa or universal credit. You would be entitled to housing benefit to pay the interest on your mortgage and with maintenance payments from your dh, you would have more money to live on. You would also benefit from vouchers for milk/ fruit/ vitamins and other maternity grants to support you in getting what you need for your new baby.
How is your relationship OP? I can’t imagine it is in a very good place if your dh has threatened to leave you? I know it’s hard to hear that you would be better off financially without your dh. It’s unfair but at the same time it’s useful to know that should your dh follow through with his threat, that you would be in a better position financially. My dh would never threaten to leave me, he would see any unplanned pregnancy as half his responsibility and I have always told him that I could never have an abortion. So he knows that any resulting pregnancy will be our child and we will equally be responsible for them! Your dh had the opportunity to have a vasectomy, I think his refusal to go through with a vasectomy means he has no right to bully you into a procedure on your body that you do not want to have! You didn’t force the issue with his vasectomy, so he has no right to force you to go through an abortion!
If you are struggling to feed yourselves then you could ask your gp for a referral to a foodbank.
I would contact your gp and ask for counselling to help you decide if you will be able to continue with your pregnancy. You also need to ask your gp what impact, (if any) your current medications would have on your baby.
Please don’t feel awful about your situation, you are not to blame for the set of circumstances that led to you being where you are today. I am so sorry for the loss of your DB, I can’t imagine how painful that was for you to go through on top of all of your medical conditions.
Please do consider yourself when making your decision, yes consider your dc (I am sure both dc would love their new sibling- big families manage after all) and your parents and your finances, but do also consider how you would cope in the aftermath of an abortion. You are on your own with your two dc for the majority of the time, they need you and you need to be mentally well to look after them! So make sure you are at peace with your decision!